


Ytodd's One Offs

by Ytodd



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-28 07:02:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 44,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14443932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ytodd/pseuds/Ytodd
Summary: A bunch of random short fics. Mainly about Zootopia. I might try a few things there, and I won't necesserarily proofread anything, so be warned. Rated M, because I might try to write smut stuff (I'll tell you in the notes if that's the case).





	1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, new content coming up. It will mostly be one offs and short stories. Probably all from Zootopia (but you never know).**

**Have a nice reading.**

* * *

**Anything for you**

_Or a threadless trashy short fic about fear, love and illusions_

 

**Beep**

The sound felt like it was etched in her mind. She had heard it over and over for the past week, so much so that even on the rare occasion she had left his bedside, she could still hear it play in the back of her mind.

**Beep**

The noise jolted her awake. Had he moved ? Had he said her name ? She was sure he had. Hopping down from the medium sized chair she used as a bed, she made her way to his side, gently taking his paw between hers.

**Beep**

It felt so light and so cold. She pulled it up against he cheek, trying to give some warmth. To give him something of hers.

**Beep**

"Nick ?" She asked tentatively. No answer came. "Nick, I... I can't sleep. Is it okay if I-"

**Beep**

_"Oh my, a small bunny lost in the big bad fox's den. What am I going to do with you ?"_

_The tod was leaning on his elbow, his weary eyes laid on her. She was holding her blanket, her ears were slopped back and she didn't dare cross his gaze._

_"Are you finished ?"_

_"Yeah, sorry. What is it ?"_

_She scratched the back of her head hesitantly before drawing a breath. "The case... What happened to that Rhino kid... I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop seeing the pictures. I know we've caught the cultprit. I know he won't hurt anymammal ever again..."_

_She risked a glance toward the tod. She felt like she needed something, someone to hold onto, and she hated it. She hated that she felt weak. If he had understood what she was about to ask, she feared he would laugh or make a joke. And she wouldn't be able to handle it. But he wasn't smiling, if anything, and from what she could see in the dimlitten living-room that currently acted as his bedroom, his expression was neutral._

_"Is it okay if I-"_

**Beep**

"Sleep with you tonight?"

Of course, Nick was still unconscious. And even if he hadn't been, the tubes in his throat would not let him speak. She climbed up and settled herself against him, careful not move him, or touch his chest wounds. The bunny then pulled the sheet up to cover herself. He barely smelled like himself anymore, but it didn't matter. She needed to be close to him.

**Beep**

According to the doctor, Nick was out of danger. His wounds were healing, and all the numbers and letters, and whatever else was on his little charts were right. Still, the tod didn't wake up. The chief had extended her leave, or more accurately, he was giving her all the vacation day she had saved up and wouldn't have used otherwise.

**Beep**

"I'm sorry." Her tear-filled voice echoed in the room. "If I had been more careful, you wouldn't have had to shield me." The bunny felt twice as guilty. She always felt like Nick was trying to protect her, to put himself at risk to keep her from it. She had actually meant to talk to him about it, but now, she didn't know if she would be able to bring herself to.

She didn't know if she would ever have the occasion to.

She tried to wipe her eyes, but there was no stopping the flow that poured from them. "I should have anticipated the risk, I should have-"

Her voice was stopped by a large hoof on her shoulder. She hadn't heard the steps coming from behind, which was particularly worrying for the chief. He knew how good was her hearing, and how alert she always was. If this damned fox didn't wake up soon, she'd spiral so deeply into despair, no one would ever be able to pull her out.

**Beep**

The chief had come once or twice, and so had all of their colleagues. The only one that came everyday was Clawhauser, and she wasn't sure if it was out of friendship for Nick and her, or to make sure she would eat and sleep. That day, the chief had decided to take on that duty.

"It wasn't your fault Hopps."

"You can't know that." She answered between two sobs.

"Yes, I can." The cape buffalo retorted. "I saw the bodycam footage. You did everything by the book. Covered every angle, looked at every corner. You couldn't know about the fake wall. That Nick chose to protect you over taking cover as he should have is not your fault."

She turned an intense glare toward the large mammal. "He's in a coma because he saved me, and you're saying he screwed up ? Would you rather have me in that bed, or are you saying he deserves what he got for making a mistake?"

**Beep**

A few months ago, the chief would never have thought his top officer would ever dare raise her voice against him. And under normal circumstances, he was sure she wouldn't have.

"I didn't mean either, and you know it. The only one responsible is the jackal we caught, which by the way, had to be transfered to precinct 3 for his own safety." The Buffalo sighed and put a knee down to reduce the height difference. "What I meant, Hopps, is that in doing what he did, and even though it wasn't a textbook reaction, Wilde saved your life. If it's to be considered a mistake, it was the right one to make."

The bunny's gaze couldn't meet his anymore. She was rubbing her arm awkwardly while her tears still ran freely. "I… I apologize for my outburst sir. I should have known."

What happened next pretty much amounted to a hug coming from the large mammal. He put a hoof and her small shoulder and patted it a couple of times. "You're off-duty, Hopps. It wouldn't be professional to hold this against you. I understand how much your partner means to you."

**Beep**

"I'm not sure you really understand, sir." She whispered, just loudly enough that the buffalo would hear it. Having a partner being critically hurt on duty wasn't common, but she knew how 'disproportionate' her reaction was when compared with other occurrences. She still remembered how Pennington had shielded Trunkaby from a grenade a few months prior. Even thought their partnership had a dozen years of span, and that they were pretty close friends, he only had visited her twice a week until her full recovery.

"What do you mean, Hopps ?"

"I'm-"

**Beep**

_It was one of the few evening Judy had to spend by herself. Not that it was a bummer or anything, but most of the time she ate with Nick in the small apartment he rented near the ZPD. He had insisted that she ditched her shoebox of an apartment to come live with him, and at the time she didn't know it meant he would give her the bedroom and sleep on the convertible in the living room._

_A few months later, it was as if they had always lived together. She couldn't imagine leaving what was supposed to be a temporary accommodation._

_That night, though, Nick was spending with his mother. She had pushed him to mend their relationship, and even though it meant she would sometimes miss him in the evening, she was still glad for it._

_"So, what's up, Judy ?" Came a voice from the computer she was facing._

_The bunny put her mug down and smiled at the screen. "Not much, Shar'. Still making the world a better place."_

_"And still living with your fox ?" Asked the black wooled ewe._

_"It's not my fox." Blushed Judy. "It's my friend. Who's a fox. But he's not mine."_

_"Oh. The way you talk about him, I thought you were already engaged or something like that." The sheep put one of her locks behind her ear, as if she hadn't said anything._

_"We're just friends, Shar'. Nothing more." Those last words had a ring of bitterness that the ewe didn't miss._

_"But you would like it if it was more, wouldn't you ?" She grinned._

_Despite the years, Judy hadn't changed much. She was still as easy to embarrass, and her blush still crept from the inside of her ears to spread to her cheeks the same way._

_"Yes. I would..."_

_"Oh my gosh, Judy !" Gleefully reacted the sheep. "It's been so long since I haven't seen you with a crush on somebun- somemammal."_

_"I… I don't think it's just a crush, Shar'..." The red had now fully invaded her face and ears. "I think I'm-"_

**Beep**

"In love with him." Said Judy. She closed her eyes, ready for some kind of scolding. None came.

"I hope you're not dating yet. I have a one hundred dollar bid on april." Came the buffalo's answer.

Judy froze before looking up. The smile the chief wore wasn't mocking, but there sure was a bit of cheekiness in it. He wasn't the best at cheering people up, he sure deserved points for trying.

**Beep**

"You- What- How- Why ?"

"The whole precinct knows of your mutual crush, Hopps. Some even thought you were already dating."

The bunny had stopped breathing at the word 'mutual'. She blinked a couple of times and drew a breath to ask : "We're not dating, no. Who started the pot, Clawhauser ?"

"Who else ?"

The bunny sighed. "The spotted devil strikes again. Are we going to be in trouble ?"

The chief shrugged. "As you said, you two are not an item. And if you were I would need to be suspecting your relation affected your performance in a bad way. And even if your performance score went down of a few points, you'd still remain way above average. Of course, I never told you that. And you certainly won't tell Wilde about it."

"Yes sir. He's insufferable enough as it is." She smiled.

"My thoughts exactly."

**Beep**

The bit of banter had been unexpected, especially from the chief. She guessed, (she knew, really) that he was more than his stern and hard shell. That he would come out of his way to cheer her up was a testament on how important his officers' well being was for him.

"Thanks, sir. I needed that."

He answered with curt nod, before standing back up. "You're welcome. Try to take care of yourself. I don't need two of my officers in hospital beds."

"Aye aye sir." She saluted, in a convincing imitation of her hopefully future boyfriend.

The buffalo made a couple of steps toward the door before the doe's voice stopped him. "Just so you know, if Clawhauser keeps poking his nose my love life, I'll start poking my nose into his."

"I'll let him know." Was his stern answer, but she was pretty sure she saw the hint of a blush appearing at the tip of his ears.

**Beep**

"Why did you have to do that ?" The bunny was holding the fox's paw in hers. "Why do you always have to do that ? I can handle myself, you know ? I know it's your job to protect me, but it's also mine to protect you… I can't do that if you won't let me."

She kissed his paw. "You better wake up. I have so much to tell you, you're going to get an earful."

**Beep**

The nurse came and went, and she gave them a paw when she could. She helped bath him, held the IV bag when it was needed, moved the furniture when the clean up crew showed up. She knew they didn't really need her help, but it was all she could do for him at the moment.

She wasn't using the chair anymore and spent her night by his side. If the nurses had noticed, they never mentioned it.

**Beep**

It was around 1AM when it happened.

**Beep**

Something woke the bunny up.

**Beep**

She couldn't tell what it was at first, but something was happening.

**Beep**

Then it hit her.

**Beep**

The beeping's rhythm had changed.

**Beep**

"Nick ?"

**Beep**

"Nick, do you hear me ?"

**Beep**

"Nick, it's me, Judy."

**Beep**

Just as the tod opened his eyes, the door opened and the sheep doctor that had following Nick's case since his admission showed up, followed by a lion nurse.

**Beep**

Nick made several gagging noise and started struggling.

"We need to keep him from harming himself." Stated the sheep while the nurse grabbed his left arm and his legs. Judy imitated her and held his right arm down.

"Nick, listen to the doctor. Try not to move."

Thankfully, his long sleep had drained most of his strength, and he was relatively easy to hold. The sheep observed his eyes and held a finger above them. "Try to follow it, please. Good. We're going to pull out the tubes. It's going to be extremely unpleasant, but please try not to move."

The fox nodded and the sheep replaced the lion by his side. Being bigger, it was easier for her to reach them over the sheep. The gagging and cough noise he emitted as the tubes were pulled out made Judy grit her teeth. Even after all that happened, he still needed to suffer.

**Beep**

She wanted to be alone with him. To hug him. To cry on his chest. But there still was a long battery of test and questions he needed to answer before the doctor finally let her approach him. When he finally did, she was sitting on the large chair, holding her trembling paws on her knees.

"You can come closer miss Hopps. Be gentle, his chest wounds still aren't healed."

**Beep**

Nick only had the time to blink before a grey streak lept from the chair and landed right next to him, before burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"Wow, fluff. Did you miss me that much ?" He rasped as he started petting her ears. "I was only out for two weeks. That's a lot shorter than my time in the academy."

"I would have preferred that you went back to the academy." Came her muffled voiced.

"Cruel bunny."

"Dumb fox."

**Beep**

The nurse have given him a glass of water for his parched mouth, with the recommendation to drink it extremely slowly. He took a couple of sips before a fit of cough caught him, making tears appear in the corner of eyes. "Feels like I'm coughing sandpaper."

"She told you to go slowly."

"Oh, sheesh, how did I forget that."

"You're awfully sarcastic in the morning."

"A sore throat will do that to me. Can I have a kiss to make it all better ?"

**Beep**

"Do you think you deserve it after your dry quips ?" She smiled with a blush.

"Yeah, you're right. Maybe if I caught a bullet for you-" She stopped him by putting a paw to his mouth.

"Please, never joke about that." She said, with so much pain in her eyes that the fox immediately hugged her.

"Sorry."

"That's okay." She whispered. "Now about that kiss."

**Beep**

"That was a joke, fluff." He half lied.

But she had already closed the distance between them, and pecked his lips.

A silence floated between them, and Nick chose to break it to alleviate the growing tension.

"Wow, that was really something. Didn't know you were such a good kisser, officer Sweetbuns."

"You spent more than two weeks without brushing your teeth." She quipped as an answer, using the banter to escape a conversation she wasn't ready to have yet.

**Beep**

"That bad ?"

She nodded.

"Oh. Well, do you have a toothbrush I could use ?"

**Beep**

Nick was lying in his bed, looking tired.

"Are you okay ?"

The fox turned his gaze toward her without moving. "I didn't think my mom could be that exhausting."

"She was worried. Can you blame her ?"

"Not really. Having all the colleagues coming afterwards didn't help either. I'm starting to understand why hospitals tend to limit visits. I used to think it was just a stupid rule."

The bunny took his glass and went to fill it up. "You used to think all the rules were stupid."

He looked at her while she paced toward him, and he realized she too looked exhausted. She hadn't said anything about it, but he knew she hadn't left him for the duration of his coma. And he doubted she had slept or even eaten much.

She was about to give him his drink, but her tiredness caught up to her and she let go of the glass before he held it completely.

"Carrots-"

**Beep**

_The inside of the warehouse was dark, but not enough that the bunny couldn't see. Nick was leading the way after they had found several pallets of what could only be heroin. Whoever had given her partner the tip, they were well informed._

_The fox made a hand gesture toward a small door. They placed themselves on each side and the tod opened it, while she covered him. It led to a corridor with a door leading to what she believed were offices. A smell lingered in the air, something familiar to the fox, but he couldn't place it._

_Judy went first, taking point, while Nick took the back, regularly checking their six, so that they wouldn't get flanked._

_"I think no one's here." She whispered._

_"So much for waiting for backup."_

_"Think your contact double crossed us ?"_

_Nick shrugged. "I wouldn't put that above him. Play both ways, get twice the pay."_

_They entered the first door on the right, dart guns at the ready, and the smell got slightly stronger, but apparently, it didn't come from that room. "Clear." Nick whispered._

_The bunny left the room first, followed by the fox. That's when she heard a creaking noise behind them, the smell getting even stronger for the fox._

_Musk mask. Someone was using musk mask in the vicinity. Nick lunged at his partner, as the noise of gunshot filled the air._

_"Carrots-"_

**Beep**

"Watch out !"

He only had the time to grab her paw and yank her up on the bed, before the glass broke in a dozen shards.

"Crud. Sorry about that. I'm a little tired."

"I know you are, fluff." He smiled, while rubbing his knuckles against her shoulder, and leaning in to kiss the top of her head.

The blush that had been creeping up inside her ears instantly reached their tips. "Gotta clean up this mess." She said, using it as an excuse to get away before he noticed the effect he had on her.

**Beep**

"We need to talk." The bunny was standing on the bed in front of him with her arms crossed, while rubbing the tip of one of her ears nervously.

"I know what you're going to say. I'll just pack my bags, take the goldfish and get back to my mom's. You can keep the kids, but I want to see them on the weekends."

Judy snorted. "Got that out of your system ?"

"I'm sure I can come up with one or ten others." Smirked the fox. "But it can wait. It seems we need to talk."

**Beep**

"About the kiss." She began, broaching a topic the both of them had methodically avoided for the last couple of days. "Well, err… I know you said it was just a joke… And I kissed you anyway..." She glanced at him and saw that he was simply smiling expectantly. "It's just… I was really happy that you had woken up. Sorry if I overstepped."

"Did you only kiss me because you were happy that I woke up, or… ?" He asked, his neutral expression betrayed by the movement of his tail.

"Or." Was her monosyllabic answer.

**Beep**

"Just so you know, I've brushed my teeth this time."

Nick barely had the time to finish his sentence before Judy's lips assaulted his. She wrapped her and drew her closer, returning her kiss.

"I waited too long for this."

"You and me both, fluff." He answered between breaths.

**Beep**

He paws had found their way inside his hospital gown, and he did nothing to take them away. She was careful to keep them from his wounds.

**Beep**

"Am I hurting you ?" She asked, sensing him tense up.

"I don't care." He answered, grabbing her paws, and keeping them on his chest.

**Beep**

She felt canines on her neck, sending jolts of desire through her body.

"Nick, you're still hurt." She protested, knowing full well that if he kept it up, she would throw caution to the wind.

"I don't care."

**Beep**

To the wind it went.

She pushed him back and let him slide her t-shirt up, his paws soon taking hold of what it had been hiding.

**Beep**

A paw slid itself in the back of her pants, and she felt the sting of his claws on her rump. Her own paws, were running up his chest and settled themselves on his shoulders. She let his free paw pull her closer and he left a tray of kisses on her belly.

**Beep**

Her pants went down, as her lips locked with his again.

**Beep**

His fingers started exploring her folds.

**Beep**

She lightly bit his neck to suppress the moan of pleasure that threatened to escape her lips.

**Beep**

Using her feet, she finished ripping away the fabric of his gown.

**Beep**

The door flung open, and trio of nurse erupting inside the room, a lion was holding the defibrillator handles while a buck pushed the cart. An armadillo was holding the door for them.

**Beep**

Time froze. Judy's eyes were going from one of the nurses to the other. The buck started to slowly pull the cart back out, the lion followed him and the armadillo closed the door back without a sound.

**Beep**

The bunny slumped her face on the tod's chest. "Not a word."

"Fluff-"

Her paw grabbed his snout and slammed his mouth shut.

**Beep**

"That's it. I'm leaving Zootopia." She muttered.

"Mluh." Tried the fox, but she didn't move her paw.

"I'm going to have my face and name changed and go live in Podunk where no mammal knows me."

"Mluh !"

"Sorry." She apologize before taken away her paw.

**Beep**

"Fluff, relax. They're sworn to medical secrecy."

The mortified bunny remained mute.

"Okay, how about this." He sat her down next to him before laying her against him and pulling the cover up. Only the tip of her ears were poking out. "No-one can see you now. Is that better ?"

"Kinda."

Wrapping his tail around her, and pulled her into a tight hug. "And now ?"

"Better."

His snout nested itself between her ears and gave her several kisses. "Now ?"

"Perfect."

**Beep**

"I can't believe you're making me work while I'm on medical leave."

The fox was typing his report of the shooting. He knew the chief wasn't in a rush to get it, given that he had the bunny's statement and her camera footage, but it didn't mean he would be exempted to write it.

"See it as a distraction." She answered, as she too was typing on her own computer at the other side of the room.

**Beep**

"Why do I need a distraction ?"

The bunny pointed at the sensor on his arm. "To stay occupied until they get rid of this."

"Wow, Carrots, I never thought you were so eager." He grinned.

"I still might rethink it."

**Beep**

"Nick, why did you jump in front of me ?"

The fox lifted a brow and his eyes from the computer screen. "Isn't it obvious ?"

"No- Yes- I mean of course, but…" She hesitated.

"There is something on your mind, isn't it ?"

**Beep**

The bunny sighed. "Listen, I don't mean to sound paranoid, but you've been doing that a lot."

"I'm pretty it was the first time I took a bullet for you. Or three."

She brought her computer to his bed and showed it to him. "You know how I tend to proofread your reports for errors…"

"I knew you had done it in the beginning, but I didn't know you kept at it."

The bunny looked away in embarrassment. "Well there is a trend in them."

**Beep**

What she was showing him was a long list of their reports. Highlighted were all occurrences of him stepping in for her.

"What can I say, I'm looking out for my partner." His tone wasn't defensive, but she knew he was trying to deflect.

"Nick, this is not looking out… This is trying to handle everything for me."

**Beep**

"Not everything." The tod said, scrolling down. "See there, I let you handle the kid that had lost his parents." He scrolled down again. "And get the ball out of the tree by yourself, and..."

"Nick."

"Maybe I was a bit protective of you." He said dismissively. "My little crush on you isn't very new."

The bunny scratched her brow and sighed. "Nick..."

"Okay, calling it a crush is a bit of an euphemism, I might or might not be completely in love with you."

**Beep**

"Nick, you know I can handle myself right ?"

"Do I know that ? Who put two mayor behind bar almost singlehandedly ? You. Of course I know that."

The bunny had hopped on the bed and was sitting in front of him. "I know what you're trying to do Nick. You say you love me-"

"I said I might be in love with you." He corrected.

"But, well… Looking back, it feels like you don't believe I'm capable of doing my job."

**Beep**

That felt like a blow to the guts to the fox. "Of course I believe in you, fluff. Hell, in any given situation, when shit hits the fan, I'd always put my money on you."

"Then why don't you let me do things by myself ? I've been working hard for this, harder than any other officer !"

**Beep**

"Judy, you can do anything. And I really mean anything. You're the most amazing bunny, no, mammal I've ever met…"

"Then why do you always try to protect me ?" She almost shouted, standing up to get closer to him.

"Because even if you're the best, you can still make mistakes ! If things go wrong, and that day you're not at one hundred percent, you might take a bad hit."

"I know what I've signed for ! I know the risks !"

**Beep**

"I know you know the risk." It was the fox's turn to shout. "I know them too ! Do you know how hard it is for me to see you rush into danger ? Do you even know why I joined the ZPD ? Did you stop to think about how you acted during the NightHowler case ?"

The bunny took a step back. "What are you saying, Nick ?"

"It's you. I didn't join the ZPD because I believe in it. Hell, most of the time, I think it's making life difficult for the mammals who struggle the most."

**Beep**

"You don't like being a cop ?" She asked, taken aback, and a little hurt that she would have forced him into a job he didn't like.

"I don't dislike it. It's probably the most harmless job I've ever done. I just don't think I'm making a difference. If I joined, it's for you. I joined because I believe in you."

**Beep**

"Then why don't you start acting like it ?" She shouted back, waving her arms in an interrogative gesture.

"Because I'm scared, alright ? I'm fucking terrified ! You're the best thing that ever happened to me, I can't lose you ! I've caught these bullets, and I'd catch a hundred more if I had to."

Silence fell on the room, as Judy tried to take in what had been said.

**Beep**

"If you think you're not making a difference as a cop, how can you say you believe in me ? Why would I be making a difference if you aren't ?"

"Because one day, you're going to be the chief of police."

The bunny stared at the fox. Was he serious ?

"And if you push it a bit further, I'm fairly certain you'll make it as mayor. You want to make the world a better place, and I know you can."

"And what about you ?"

Nick shrugged. "Who cares about me ? I just want to be by your side. I just want to be there to watch your back. Ask me anything, I don't care if I end up being a stepping stone for you-"

**Beep**

The bunny had shushed him by putting her paw around his muzzle.

"Nick, I don't need a follower, I don't need a zealot. I like that you admire me, and I admire you too. But it's not what I want. I'm not perfect, I have flaws, I still have a bunch of bias I'm working through, among other things."

Nick had grabbed her paw and pulled it down. "What do you want, then ?"

**Beep**

"I need you to put me down from that pedestal you've built for me in your head. I want you to see my flaws. I want you to see my imperfections. It's not love if you only see the good parts, it's only blindness. Don't you remember how bigoted I was ? How bad I made things for predators ?"

"But you're not like that anymore." He countered

"But I was ! I'm capable of screwing up. Some mammals paid a big price for my mistakes ! You said I could ask you anything, so I'm asking this. Take a big hard look at me, and try to see me as I am, not as the version of me you've built up in your mind."

**Beep**

"I..." The fox hesitated.

"Nick, I love you. I really do. I know you're compassionate, clever, kind. I know you care about a lot more than you let on. I know you give your spare change to bums. I know you hate it when I bring in junkies for possession. You have a stupid sense of humour, you have a mean streak when you're tired, you're lazy with paperwork and you'd neglect your physical training if I didn't push you. I see you like you are, and love you like you are."

The fox was looking away with unease. It was only scratching the surface, but it already felt like lot. He was grateful she didn't start to dig into the deeper stuff, but it still felt uncomfortable.

"Nick look at me." She asked. "Please." She put a paw to her cheek and he reluctantly let her turn his head. "You need to understand, if the only version of me you can see is the one you're imagining, it can't work. We can't work. And I really, really want this to work."

**Beep**

"Please."

**Beep**

"I don't know how to do that." He said after an anguishing minute of silence. "I don't how I can change the way I see you."

"Do you want to try ?" Her tone was full of hope.

"For you-"

"For us." She cut.

The fox seemed like he was mulling it over. "For us..."

**Beep**

"Anything."

* * *

 

_Woooh, that was a short one. I had to take that out of my head. It's coming out of an idea that a lot of people screw up they're relationship because... Well because once the perfect image of their boy/girlfriend breaks down, they can't cope with what they see._

_That, and whole lot of other stuff Nick might have buried in his mind._

_And ClawhauserXBogo, best ship._

_As usual, thanks for reading._

 

 


	2. Worthless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This was written in about two days, so sorry if it's a bit rough around the edges._
> 
> _Soundtrack : **Bring Me Down,** by **Apulanta**_

 "She's beautiful, ain't she ?" Came the voice of Willa Grey. She was a small and thin vixen with heavy bags under her eyes, and a loving smile on her face. She was currently resting on the hospital bed, her newborn daughter in her arm. The cub was already sleeping, occasionally making bubbly noises.

A fourteen years old Gideon Grey was twisting his fingers in a mix of anxiety and excitation. One of his eyes was slightly swollen from a scuffle he had been in a few days prior that he hoped his parents wouldn't notice. Of course, they had noticed, and the usual consequences had ensued. But right now, he didn't care about that.

"Yeah, Ma. She is… She's sumthin'." He smiled nervously.

The vixen could see her son was hesitant.

"Do you want to hold her ?" She asked.

"I..." He drew his paws up, before putting them back down. "No… I might hurt her."

She shot him a soft smile. "You won't hurt her, Giddy."

The fox looked at his paws. They were made to fight, to claw. He wasn't sure he should touch her with these paws. "I..." He hesitated.

Will scooted to the side of the bed and with one paw, she reached for him. "She's your sister. I know you won't hurt her."

He let her grab his paw and approach him from the small form between his mom's arms. Part of the young fox wanted to pull his paw back. Then his finger touched the thin fur of the cub. It was electrifying. Like something inside him had woken up.

He was a bad mammal, he was mean, he was short tempered, and part of him knew that. The other kids didn't like him, they avoided him or fought him, they thought he was a worthless fox and a bigger part of him believed that. But at that moment, and for a couple of seconds, he ceased to be Gideon Grey, the terror of the schoolyard, the big bully, the bad seed.

He was Gideon Grey. The big brother.

"Hi, Hailey." He whispered. "I'm Gideon. I'm your… I'm your Big Bro."

The small cub yawned and stretched her small arms, before grabbing his finger. And large smile spread on the fox's features.

"Mrs Grey ? I've just been informed that your husband arrived." A sheep nurse had put his head through the open door. "He should be here any minute."

The two foxes turned toward the nurse but he had already disappeared. They then stared a eachother in silence, the tension slowly rising.

"Where's my lil' girl ?" Came a voice from outside the hospital room. It was approaching and Gideon could see his mother scooting back toward the middle of the bed, drawing her daughter closer to her chest.

Gavin Grey, a pudgy fox fox that usually seemed like a permanent scowl was plastered on his face, appeared in the door frame. If not for the few strands of greying fur, him and Gideon could have looked like brothers. He was sporting his usual overall and chequered shirt, and was holding his cap in his paw.

"There she is !" He exclaimed, pacing toward the bed. "Oh, she's beautiful ain't she ?" He said, while his son stepped out of his way. He reached for the small vulpine and Gideon could see the slight tremble in his mother's paw when he took her. "She looks just like you !" He said to his wife, rubbing a blunt claw against her cheek.

Willa smiled. It had been years since she had seen her husband smile like that. Maybe this knew addition to the family would prove to be an even better thing that she hoped.

* * *

"I'm afraid it's going to be detention again, Mr Grey." Came Principal Woolstein's stern voice from the other side of the desk. "It was your second fight this week, and I cannot turn a blind eye over it."

Gideon was glaring at him, even though he knew the caprine was completely impervious to intimidation.

"If you keep up with that attitude, I'll end up with no other choice than expel you for a week."

The vulpine winced. That would be bad. Very, very bad.

"You know, your father too went through my school. I was only a teacher at the time, but I clearly remember him having the same attitude. You're quite similar in a way."

Gideon's snout crumpled, and he barely kept himself from snarling. He didn't know what made him more angry, that the principal was badmouthing his father, or that he was comparing them.

"Think about it, Mr Grey. Get your act together. The alternative is ending as a factory worker, or worse, and none of us want that."

He wanted retort that there was nothing wrong with being a factory worker. His father was a factory worker. But there was plenty wrong with his dad, wasn't it ?

…

The young vulpine was staring at the detention sheet.

He had two choices, either show to his dad right away and be done with it, or try to hide it, and hope he'd be able to intercept the one that would come through the mail in a couple of days. Of course, he could still hope that his mom would be the one to find it, but it was a gamble.

And if his dad discovered that she had covered for her son, the two of them would suffer the consequences. And Gideon couldn't have that.

Sitting at the kitchen table he heard light steps coming from behind him.

"Hey Giddy."

"Hey mom."

His mother was carrying a sleeping Hailey in her arms, and he ruffled the fur of her head.

He felt her paw on his shoulder, and the light peck his mother gave to his cheek.

"Is this a detention sheet ?" He could hear the unsaid 'again' in her voice, as well as the tinge of disappointment.

"Yeah." He barely kept his voice from breaking.

"I'll go get a pen." She sighed. He grabbed her arm and stopped her before she could leave.

"I'll have dad sign it."

"Gid-"

"He'll go easy on me if I'm the one showin' it to him."

The both of them heard the door open. "I'm home." Came a tired and disgruntled voice.

Gideon winces, his dad wasn't in one of his good days. "Go take care of Hailey." He said to his mother in a resolute voice.

She gave him a kiss on the forehead and left the room. As she made her way upstairs, the vulpine was sure he heard a sob.

The older fox entered the kitchen to find his son with his ears down and a paper in his hands. "Hey son."

"Hey dad." Gideon answered.

"How was yer day ?" He asked, going to the fridge and taking out a beer bottle.

The young fox sighed and slid the sheet of paper toward him. Gaving took it and read it, freezing and slowly putting down his beer on the counter. "What is dis ?" He asked in a calm and detached voice.

"A detention sheet. I-I need ya to sign it."

The older fox slowly put down the sheet of paper on the table. He seemed calm, and maybe it would go over well. "I bust my ass off all day. I give everything…" His fist hit the table, making Gideon jump. "EVERYTHING ! TO PUT A ROOF OVER YER WORTHLESS HEAD !" He gripped the table and threw it aside. "TO PUT FOOD ON YER FUCKING PLATE !" He grabbed his son by the collar and shoved him against the wall. "And I come home to this. You're doing on purpose, aren't you ?" His voice was calm and controlled again. Gideon started trembling. "Yer nothing but a disappointment."

...

Gideon painfully heaved himself from the ktichen floor. He was in pain, bruised, and he wouldn't be surprised if one of his rib had been cracked. But it had been far from his worse beating. To be quite honest, he had become good had taking them.

Offer the side to the punches, go backward with the uppercuts, hit the wall with his the back, slide while protecting the head. It was a lot of stuff he had picked up over the years, and the bruising was easily covered with the fur. The hardest part was hide away the pain when he moved, but at that too he had become skilled. At least, he hadn't used the belt. Detention wasn't worth the belt anymore. Getting expelled did, but he was careful not to let that happen.

The young fox sniffled, and wiped away the tears from his face before making his way toward the bathroom. At least his father rarely went for the face.

* * *

Gideon thumped his head against his math book.

"Worthless." He muttered.

He couldn't understand a thing, not that he really wanted to. His grade were still way to low, and he couldn't afford to retake another year. He still remembered last year, still felt it, really. He had had to spend a week in bed before being able to move again, and in his mother's opinion he should have gone to the hospital.

But if he had, there would have been questions, inquiries he couldn't answer. The answers weren't worth the trouble.

So he was sitting in the kitchen, as his small room didn't have a desk, and was trying, and failing, to do his homework.

The numbers were dancing before his eyes, taunting him, mocking him. Each line of text was like a slap on his snout, an evidence of how stupid and worthless he was.

His mom entered the kitchen, her fingers brushing the side of his face.

"How are you doing ?"

"Fine." Came his answer.

She shot him a look that made it obvious she saw right through him. "Show me."

She was almost seven months in her maternity leave, but she still had her accountant degree. Willa Grey had always been good with numbers.

"Hm, Second degree equations… They're not that hard."

The fox ears pinned themselves down. "I can't get rid of that f- freaking x squared."

"You need to calculate the delta first." She explained. "There, let me show you."

It had been a long time since his mother had helped him with his homework. In fact, she had stopped doing so right after he had enter highschool, as she had been forced to start working again. But he realised that even though taking care of Hailey was a full time job, if he helped around when he was home, she could have time to help him too. At least until she would start to work again.

As she explained, he started to understand. She showed him the visual representations of his equations and he felt a bit stupid. He was pretty sure the teacher had gone over that, but he could never bring himself to listen during class. There was always something else to do, some stupid bunny ear to yank, some paperball to throw.

"See, you did it." She said, as he finished the third equation on his own.

"Yeah, ah' did." He smiled proudly. Of course, math wasn't the only course he struggled in, but the confidence boost went a long way.

She made her way toward the stove and he noticed the slight limp in her step, a remnant of her and his father's last disagreement.

As the sun was setting down on the horizon, the young fox sighed. He had finished all his homework, his chores, and had even helped his mother around the house. He felt tired but happy. In fact, it had been months since he had felt that good.

Then he heard the noise of a car engine coming up in the driveway, and he realised why he had been feeling so good lately. Since his dad had started working the afternoon shifts, they barely saw each other. He slept until late in the morning before leaving after lunch, working until late in the evening. With a scowl he turned the lights of. The last thing he wanted right now was to ruin this good day by being in contact with his father.

* * *

It was late when Gideon came home. His mother had insisted that she could take care of everything while he hung out with Travis, and he had accepted to leave. Now, the sun was starting to set on the horizon. He pushed the door and entered, to find his mother hanging some clothes.

"You're home that early ?" She asked.

"It's 9 o'clock, ma'."

The vixen froze. "It's… Oh my god. I need to start cooking !" She rushed to the kitchen and Gideon followed her. The both of them busied themselves over the counter, expecting to hear the rumble of the car engine at any second.

When it did, the pastas were still the pot, and the oignons had just been thrown in the pan. "Nick, go to your room."

The young fox made a couple of steps toward the door before stopping. He knew his dad, he knew what was going to happen. The last time she had forgotten to cook, it had earned her a broken leg, and split lips. He took a controlled breath.

What would someone not as worthless as him do ?

What would a brave mammal do ?

He turned around and grabbed his mother by the shoulder, almost picking her up, pushing her toward the stairs. "Take Hailey and get in mah room. Leave the lights off."

"Gid-" She tried to protest.

"Now, Ma' !"

He heard her steps on the first floor and in his room as he got back to the kitchen. Then the entry door opened. "I'm home." There already was anger in his voice. The beating would have come for them anyway. He would have found a reason. He always did find a reason.

"Hey Da' !" Greeted Gideon with what he hoped was warmth, as he kept preparing the food.

His father entered the kitchen, and the young vulpine could hear his steps stopping only after a couple of steps.

"The food isn't ready." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"Sorry I-"

"She forgot the food."

"Da', it was my-"

Gavin snarled. "She has one job. One goddam job, and she fucks it up ! SHE FUCKS IT UP !"

Gideon flinched, and made himself smaller. She wanted to out, away, far from here. He wanted his father to forget he had seen him.

"WHERE IS SHE ?"

"M-m-" Gideon hesitated. He almost had told him to check his own room. "Her room. W-With Hailey. It's okay dad, it's almost ready."

"No, it's not okay. She doesn't respect me. I tried, son, I really tried, but I can't teach her. She's too FUCKING STUPID !" He stormed out of the kitchen, Gideon in his steps and rushed upstair, kicking his bedroom door open. Gideon, for his part, had gone and placed himself in front of his own door. Soon, his father reappeared in the hallway.

"You lied to me." Gavin's voice was calm and composed again. He was staring blankly at his son. "I understand son. It's yer Ma, ya don't want anyone to hit her. But it's for her and yer own good. She need to be taught. Move aside."

"N-no."

"What?"

"I s-said no."

Gavin took a pair of deliberately slow step toward his soon. "Did you just say no to me ?"

"Y-"

He never saw the punch coming, It caught his jaw and the young fox was thrown off balance, barely catching himself to the wall. As a reflex he shoved his father away, which only barely made him move.

"You want to fight Gid ?"

"Da, please…"

"You want to fight me ?"

"Da, stop." Gideon brought his fists up in a defensive position. He was going to go down, and he knew it, but he would go down fighting. Like the brave mammal he wished he was.

"YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME ? YOUR OWN FATHER ? YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH !"

The fist easily got past Gideon's arms and caught him in the gut. The next one caught the side of his snout, but he was able to cushion it by turning his head. He felt the taste the blood in his mouth, but it was cut short by a sharp pain in his ears. His father had caught him by them, and used them to bring him down and shove his knee in his jaw. Gideon barely manage to stop the attack with his arms, which kept his jaw from being fractured, but then he felt his head connect with the wall. He lost his footing and fell on all four, before a strong grip caught his collar and dragged him to the stairs.

"Dad, please." He begged.

"You want to fight like a real predator, but you beg like a prey." He spat before shoving him toward the stairs.

Time slowed down, and Gideon curled up to try and limit the damage. His head took the first hit, followed by his back, one of his knees. He ended his course by falling one of his arm with a loud crack. The pain that followed was agonizingly familiar. A funny thought entered his mind. At last he would be able to honestly say he had broken it by falling down the stairs. He rolled to the side, cradling his broken arm against his chest.

The form of his father was still upstairs, and for a few moments, Gideon feared he was going to follow him down. Instead, he did even worse.

Gideon saw his father's silhouette slowly turn toward his room, while he unbuckled his belt. His Ma was in there. His sister was in there. He couldn't let it happen.

"Ya hide behind yer son now, Willa ?" Gavin asked, taking a first step toward the door.

He was in pain, he couldn't move, his body felt like a ton of brick. What could he do ?

What would a brave mammal do ?

"Ain'tchu gonna finish the job, you fuckin' worthless piece of shit ?" He heard himself shouting, in an imitation of his father that was way to close to the real thing.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ?"

He heard the rumble of his father's step rushing down the stair, before a first lash of his belt caught his snout.

"WHAT"

**Whip**

"DID"

**Whip**

"YOU"

**Whip**

"FUCKIN'"

**Whip**

"SAY"

**Whip**

"TO"

**Whip**

"ME ?"

Lash after lash, the pain grew stronger, overloading Gideon's mind. He had curled into a ball and started weeping. His mind was slowly going numb and he felt a strange feeling surround him, like his body was turning into cotton. He was starting to lose consciousness. Suddenly there was a loud crack and the house door flew open.

"Police ! Gavin, put the belt down and step away from the kid !"

After one last hit of the belt, the pain stopped. In a haze, Gideon saw his father freeze and stare at the pair of cops that had just entered.

"Get off of my property ! This is my home, and I'll punish my son as I see fit ! What I do here is my own business."

"No it's not." Retorted the cop. "Now put your paws behind your back, or I will taze you." Given his tone, it was obvious he hoped the fox wouldn't comply, just so he could apply some swift justice in the form of a 10000 volt zap.

There was a noise in the staircase, and Gavin turned around to see his wife holding a phone in a trembling paw.

"You did this." He snarled, before pouncing at her, and stumbling down as a paw caught his leg.

Despite the pain, Gideon had found the strength to move and grab his ankle. "Don't… Touch-"

He was cut short by a deflagration of pain. One the cop had shot his weapon, not having taken into account that as they touched, both foxes would get electrocuted.

* * *

Aside from the broken arm, most of the vulpine's wound had been rather superficial. He had tried to play it off in front of his mother, but it hurt that not a single mammal had come to see him in the hospital. There wouldn't be a need for reeducation, and the young fox was used to walk off this kind of injury.

Then, he had left the hospital to be thrown into a courtroom to make his statement, under the hateful eye of his father. The trial had been short to say the least.

Gavin's lawyer had basically thrown the ball when his client had decided to plead not guilty, and had assure minimal service.

Still, a couple of question had been thrown toward Gideon. Had he provoked his father ? Had he thrown the first punch ? Why hadn't he tried to fight back afterward ?

All of them were painful to him, and part of him wondered if he wasn't the one being responsible for everything. After all, if he hadn't put himself in his father's way, he would never have been beaten that badly.

But the prosecutor had been without mercy, easily tearing down any argument Gavin's lawyer had tried to use.

From then on, it had been only a formality. Gideon's father would spend the next five years in prison, which would be followed by a restraining order that would keep him away for good.

In any other circumstances, Gideon would have been glad to be in Zootopia, if only to stroll around in the street, but he couldn't focus. On that

"We're going to be okay."

Sitting next to him on a park bench, his mother was cradling Hailey in her arms. "I'll just have to find a someone to keep your sister and I'll start working again."

He didn't answer and kept staring into nothingness.

By all account he should feel happy. His father was gone, and he would never be able to hurt him or his mother again. He would never get to hurt his sister.

But inside, he felt only emptiness.

* * *

"That's it ! Run away !" Gideon was waving his fist at the three bunnies that were fleeing him, one of them holding one of his mate's arm over his shoulder while he limped away from the fox.

He dusted his overall with a satisfied grin, before pocketing the few coins they had tried to hide from him.

"How much did they have ?" Asked Travis as he reappeared from where had hidden himself during the scuffle.

"Not much." He answered with a shrug, tossing the weasel a part of his loot. "Can't believe they fought so hard for so little money."

"It's still a few rounds at the pinball machine."

After Gideon's grade had finally found their way into the abyss, he had decided it wasn't worth the effort anymore. His mood was more foul than ever, and he lashed out at anyone that would have the bad idea to look his way funny.

The teachers, knowing what he and his family had gotten through cut him more slack than usual, and even though he landed a couple of time in the principal's office, it never resulted in any real punishment.

But even though he knew his school would accept him retaking yet another year, he had decided against it. Studying wasn't for him. He was too dumb to get the content of the books anyway, and he knew that without his father and the financial support he provided, they needed another source of income to get by.

It was a strange thought to realise that even though it wasn't for the same reason, he had ended up on the same path as his father. Flunked highschool to find work.

Despite the fact that he hadn't come to visit him at the hospital, Travis was still the only one that would hang out with him on his day out from work. All his work money was used to help his family get by, so any money that he made on the side he felt he was free to use for himself. Maybe he could be a little less selfish with it, but he felt like he deserved to make himself happy once in a while. So they still hung out, despite the fact that he didn't feel as close to the mustelid as he used to.

The two mammals started making their way toward the city center, using the back alleys to avoid being found by the mob of small bunnies they knew would now be looking for them. Having been able to find three isolated ones had been a lucky break.

"Stop right there !"

Came a female voice from behind them. A twelve years old bunny wearing a pink shirt and a white short was standing in the alleyway, her fists on her hips. Gideon groaned.

"What do ya want ?"

"I want back the money you took from my friends !" She paced toward him with a determined expression, but he could see the hesitation in her steps.

"I ain't done nothing, and you can't prove it." Stated Gideon, crossing his arms defiantly "And I haven't seen none of your friends today."

"It's the voice of a fox against three sheeps, Gid."

"They were bunnies actually." He shot back with a smirk.

"So you mean to tell me that the three mammals you told me you haven't stolen money from were in fact bunnies ?" She smirked back.

Gideon realised what he had just said and frowned. "Still doesn't prove jack."

"I wonder who's the sheriff's going to trust though. The word of three bunnies and or the word of one single fox."

"Travis was 'dere too !"

The bunny snickered. "You're making it very easy today, you know that right ?" She smiled, waving the dreaded carrot pen.

"Gimme that !" He tried to reach for it but she jumped back.

"Huh-uh. I'll erase the recording if you give me the money."

A cold sweat ran in Gideon's back. If she got to the sheriff, he would be in real trouble. And his mom had her hand full with Hailey, he didn't want her to make the trip to the station. At least, without his father in the picture, things couldn't really get that bad.

"Think I'll trust a stupid bunny ? Erase it first."

Judy could hear the slight waver in the fox's voice. "No deal. You think I will trust a worthless fox ? Give the money first !"

Gideon's frown turned into a scowl. "Who are ya callin' worthless ?" He said stepping toward her and baring his fangs. It was satisfying to see her resolve waver and her nose twitch, but his anger kept building.

"You ! I'm calling you worthless ! Don't you think your family has suffered enough already ?" She knew. Of course she knew, she always put her nose where it didn't belong.

He took a step forward. "I'm warnin' ya-"

"Is this the kind of example you want to set for your sister ?" She cut him.

The scowl turned into a snarl, the pudgy fox moving surprisingly fast for his weight. "Dontchu talk about my sister !" He shouted, grabbing her by the neck and slamming her against the wall. She tried to fight back, but the fox was using all his weight, and despite the strength in her leg, she couldn't shove him back. "Dontchu ever talk about her."

"Gid-" She said, feeling his paw tighten, completely cutting her respiration. "G-" Dark dots started to appear at the edge of her vision. Her paws started to lose strength. "Please." She mouthed silently while staring right into his eyes, with an expression of fear and despair. An expression he had seen before. An expression he knew too well.

An overprint of another image appeared. Instead of Judy's frighten face he saw his mother's, and instead of his paws, it was his father's.

Gideon let go of his victim and she fell to the floor, coughing and wheezing.

"I'm sorry." He blurted, kneeling by her side. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He kept repeating, putting a paw to her shoulder. He was about to help her stand, but she swatted his paw away.

"Leave me alone !" She shouted, before shoving him and running away.

* * *

Gideon was lying on his bed, wide awake, with his paws on his ears.

He glanced at the alarm clock to see it was already 5:30AM. In less than an hour, he'd have to get up and go to work at the factory. He was doing the exact same job his father had done before, and it ate at him.

The dreams didn't help either. In each he saw his own paws around a different mammals throat. Judy, Sharla, his mother, Hailey. Then he saw himself turn into his father, rage and anger filling him. Each time he woke up panting and crying, but relieved it had only been a dream.

But these last few days, the dreams weren't the reason why he had trouble sleeping. Hailey had been crying for the last three hours, and nothing his mother tried to calm her down worked. Since her fangs had begun to grow, she had been crying regularly, and even though she meant the world to him, he had started to avoid being in her presence. He was afraid of what he might do if she kept on. It wouldn't have been the first time he would have hurt a smaller mammal.

The only things in his life now were working, getting home, doing chores, taking care of his sister, sleeping and getting back to work. It was supposed to be simple. They were supposed to be happy now, without his dad. And he wasn't. He knew his Ma was, her smile was back, the fear had left her eyes, and he hoped it had for good.

It felt unfair. He had tried to do everything right, but he felt more desperate than ever.

And because his sister was still crying he couldn't sleep, which would make a hard job even harder.

The crying suddenly stopped and Gideon sighed. He straightened up on his bed and put his feet to the floor, already knowing there were few chances that he would be able to get back to sleep.

The wailing suddenly started again, even louder than before. Gideon crumpled his nose. Why was she still crying ? Life was supposed to be good now. He had made it better for her. It had cost him too much for it to be thrown back in his face. Why was this worthless piece of trash ruining everything ?

He heard a low snarl fill the room. In front of him, a face full of anger and hate stared at him. Panic filled his mind. He was back. His father was back.

Gideon was about to scramble back when he noticed the angry face wasn't moving. Then he noticed the snarl was coming from his own throat. The face in front of him was only a reflection in his wardrobe mirror.

Worthless. The word echoed in his mind.

"No." He whispered. "No, no, no, no !"

The cub was still wailing in the next room and he could hear his mother trying to calm her down. "I didn't think that ! It was him ! It was him !" He said to the mirror.

Worthless.

"I'm not like him ! I swear ! She's not worthless, he is. He's the one that wanted to hurt us, not me ! Never me ! He's the one that was-"

Worthless.

"Please, I don't want to be like him ! Please ! I protected them, I did everything ! Please, I'm not-"

Worthless.

But he was. Deep down, he felt it. The anger, the rage, the resentment. His father who should have loved him. His mother who should have protected him. His sister who he should only want to love and protect. If he had been a better fox, things would never have turned that way. And now, he was becoming what he had feared his whole life.

Worthless

"It ain't fair." He sobbed. The faces of every mammal he had ever tormented were swirling in his mind, showing all the evil he had done. "It ain't fair !" And at that moment he knew he couldn't allow him to come back. He could never let his father come back to torment them. "I won't be him ! Never !"

* * *

Willa Grey looked at the time. 5:52AM. She felt guilty for taking so long to put Hailey back to sleep, but she remembered how it had been for Gideon at her age. She couldn't tell if it had been worse, but there had been a lot of sleepless nights.

Yawning, she made her way down to the kitchen and started preparing her son's breakfast. She rarely was up before him, but when she was, she made a point to do it. She knew things had been hard for him since his father had been taken away. He hid it well, but she knew he was sad and angry. She hadn't argued when he had chosen to leave school to find work, and she sometimes felt guilty about it, but the fact was, they needed the money. Soon, she would find a full time job, and she would push him to do something else than the thankless factory work. In the meantime, she hoped he would hold on.

There was tumbling noise upstairs, and knowing how clumsy her son could sometimes be, she didn't get overly worried. However, when his alarm started and kept blaring she raised a brow. It wasn't unusual for him to push snooze, but he never let the alarm ring for that long.

Worried that the noise would wake Hailey up again, she climbed back up and directed herself toward her son's room. Through the slit under the door, she could see the light was on.

She knocked. "Son, are you okay ?"

When he didn't answer, she knocked harder. She didn't want to open the door yet, knowing that her son liked his privacy, but she ended up doing so anyway.

"Giddy, is ev-" The words died in her throat.

In front of her, in the small dim lit room, hung by his neck with a rope, was the inert body of Gideon Grey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Some tales simply don't have a good ending..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _...But some do._   
>  _Soundtrack : **Circles** , by **Apulanta**_

**Worthless, part II  
**

There was a beeping noise. Then another. Gideon's eyes fluttered open to look at plain white. The first thought in his mind was that he was dead. He was dead. They were safe from him, he'd never become the monster his father was. He was dead. That thought filled him both with sadness and a sense of comfort. They were safe.

Another beeping noise, coming from his left. He tried to turn his head toward the source, but he noticed his neck couldn't move. In fact, his whole body felt strangely numb. He tried to raise one of his paws, but he couldn't. Well, if that was what death was supposed to be, that wasn't so bad. White blankness and loneliness… He could cope with that.

And the beeping of course.

"Gideon ?"

The voice came from his right. A sense of dread settled in his stomach.

When she had seen her son's eyes slowly open, Willa had needed to blink a few times. But then she had seen his expression change into a smile, and she was sure she wasn't dreaming.

"Gideon ?"

She saw his smile crumble.

"You're awake ? Oh Giddy, I was so scared !" She cried, standing from her chair and sitting on the side of the bed. Tears started to form in the corners of her son's eyes.

"You're okay. You're okay." She whispered, brushing his cheek with her paw. "I'm here. You're okay."

But he wasn't. He wanted to hug her, to call her name, but he couldn't move, and the words wouldn't come out of his aching throat.

There was a knock on the door, and a beaver clad in a doctor gown entered the room.

"Oh, good, you're awake."

Gidon turned his eyes toward the large rodent, his mouth trying and failing to form words.

"Don't try to talk young fox, you've hurt your vocal cords, they will need time to heal." The doctor said, taking the small clipboard from his patient's bed. "I'll be direct. Your brain has been without oxygen for almost five minutes. The chances that it will result in brain damage are very slim, but they exist. We've kept you under sedative to keep you from hurting yourself, but it should wear off soon. Then you will have to try to keep your head movement to a minimum, and keep your neck brace for at least two weeks."

After that, Gideon didn't remember much. The doctor had examined him more thoroughly with a flash light, checked his pulse before ending up leaving. His mother had remained by his side. She kept saying that she was sorry, but he didn't know why she should be. He was the one that should have been sorry, he had the one that was putting her in danger.

* * *

Doctor Wight Blackfur was staring at her patient. The panda was comfortably set on her own armchair. The young fox sitting in front of her was here for the fourth consecutive week, but on the course of all the previous sessions, she hadn't been able to pull anything more than monosyllabic answers.

By all mean, she was a good psychologist. Her success rate had been astonishingly high at her previous practice in Zootopia, so much so that her departure had probably cost her collaborative cabinet dearly. The burrows were a nice change of scenery.

It wasn't the first she was facing a mammal that was so opposed to healing, to a mammal that was so caught in self-destructive behaviour and attitude that they refused all forms of communication. She didn't like that kind of case.

Some of her colleagues appreciated the challenge, her on the other paw, could only see the aching mammal underneath.

But she would help him. She knew she could, all she needed was to find the right angle.

"It's the fourth time you've come here Gideon."

All she got as an answer was a shrug.

"You realise these are supposed to help you get better, right ?"

Second shrug.

She could bring up that his attitude would only end up being a waste of money if he kept it up, but it wasn't really true. Since the young vulpine's suicide attempt, he had been put on medical leave for depression, which meant his family kept the steady source of income. And her session were mainly covered by social security anyway.

She repressed a sigh. Most of the time, she would skirt around the problem, preferring to lead the mammals into seeing their problems themselves. But sometimes, being blunt and direct was the only solution. It meant pressing exactly where it hurt, and as psychologist, of course, she was very skilled at that. And sometimes repairing something meant tearing it down and rebuilding it from scratch.

"Why did you try killing yourself ?"

The question was so blunt it felt like a slap to the face. The only other mammal that had dared to ask that question had been his mother, and he hadn't been able to answer her. She wouldn't have understood, she was his mother, she could never see the ugliness inside.

"Gideon ? Why did you try-"

"Ah' heard ya t-t-the first time." He retorted with anger. He hated his stutter. It had started appearing after his suicide attempt, and the doctor supposed it was due to some neural damage that had occurred while he was deprived of oxygen. Whatever the cause was, it made him feel even more helpless and angry than before.

"You didn't answer, though."

"What do ya care ?"

That was an opening, right there. An inquiry. "I do care. Why wouldn't I ?"

"You d-don't care." He sneered. "Not really."

"And why is dat ?"

"Ya get money. You wouldn't care if there wasn't money."

"And it's bad ?"

"It ain't real. You're just fakin' it." She had pushed, and he was pushing back. That wasn't the best kind of back and forth but it was something. Now, she needed to stir things where they needed to go.

"Why would I do that ?"

The vulpine shot her an annoyed glance. "I dunno. The m-m-money. Ya wouldn't get yer money if ya didn't make it feel like ya cared."

"So, you actually feel like I care ?"

The fox snapped his mouth shut and glared at her. She had trapped him and he hated being trapped.

She gave him a kind smile. "When you go to a restaurant, you only get food because you pay. If the cook is good, he's going to make your meal with love and care. And in the end, the food is real, isn't it ?"

"I guess." Gideon grunted.

"You're wrong about one thing, though."

He shot her an interrogative glance.

"I'm not paid to care, I'm paid to heal. Caring is my choice."

Gideon groaned in annoyance. The adults always thought they had all the right answers.

"Is it bad that I care ?" She asked.

"Yes." He answered, if only to contradict her.

"Why ?"

"Because I'm… You shouldn't."

He looked up to be face with an undecipherable expression.

"I'm bad." He said. "You shouldn't care about me. No one does. You should b-b-be like them."

"No one ? I'm sure that's not true."

He shot her a dejected look. "No one came to see me at the hospital. Why d'ya thing that is ?"

"No one ?"

He shook his head.

"What about your mom ?"

"It's… She had to. She's my m-m-mom. It doesn't count." He breathed.

"Your mom doesn't count." It was statement more than a question. The reaction she got was expected. He shot her an angry glare.

"I didn't mean it like that ! It's what parent are supposed to do !" He almost shouted.

"Because parents love their children."

"Yeah. That what they're s-s-supposed to..." He clamped his jaw and glared at her again. He knew where the panda was going and he wasn't going to let himself be trapped a second time.

He wasn't unbalanced enough now, all she had to do was nudge him a little. She hated doing that, it could bring both good and bad. But sometimes, you just had to take a leap of faith.

"So your mother loves you." She stated.

"Yeah. I think."

"So she would be sad if something happened to you."

"Maybe."

"Then why did you try to kill yourself ?"

Gideon remained mute.

"Did you want to hurt her ?"

That idea was sickening to him. He saw himself once again, choking Judy, and the overprint of his mother in her stead.

"No ! Of course not ! I'd n-n-never do that !"

"So, why-"

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT HER ! I d-d-don't want to hurt anyone !" He had started staring at his paws, while tears formed in his eyes. "But it's what I am ! I'm like him !"

"Like who ?"

"I'm like my dad. I'm just like my dad." He said, starting to tear up.

"And why do you think that ?"

"Because… Because… The night I tried to…" He took a deep breath. "Hailey, she was crying… And crying, and c-c-crying, and she wouldn't stop, and I couldn't sleep. And then, I thought, everythin' would be better without her. I thought she was worthless, she was a piece of… If I had b-b-been with her at that moment I would have hurt her ! I know I would h-h-have ! Because I'm the one that is really worthless ! The only t-t-thing I know how to do is harm ! I'm like him !"

He took his head between his paws, muttering his next words. "That's all that I am. A worthless fox. A d-d-disappointment to everyone. Dad was always right about m-m-me."

The remainder of the session wasn't much more productive. The young fox spent it crying, but despite that, doctor Blackfur had seen the breakthrough. He had voiced his fear, he had voiced what he thought about himself. She hadn't hoped it would happen before at least another couple of sessions.

It was time to give him some homework.

* * *

Gideon was in the kitchen, sitting on a chair waiting for the oven to beep.

In a corner of the kitchen, away from the stove, Hailey was playing with some wooden toys, making giggly noises.

Last time, at the end of the session, the doctor had given him some homework. Usually he didn't like homework, but these were weird.

She had told him to do something that he liked.

He had felt a bit lost at that. He had never really liked doing anything, aside from the bullying. He liked his mom, but being with her wasn't doing something. He used to like taking care of Hailey, but he didn't trust himself around her anymore, not after everything that had happened. Still, Willa had decided that since the fox was going to stay at home, he could also take care of his sister and she would save money on the day-care center. She had been a bit perplexed by how much he was avoiding his own little sister, given how much taken with her he had been when she had been born. He still took good care of her though, but she could see how overly careful he was, how every move he made was intently slow. He seemed almost frightened of her.

There was one thing though. He could help around the house. Seeing the smile on his mother's face when she could just relax after work instead of doing housework made him happy. He liked doing that. Besides, the last four weeks at home had been really boring, so if he could help, why not do it ?

So Gideon was waiting by the oven. He had stumbled on an old cookbook while cleaning the attic and had brought it down, using the time remaining before his mother got back from work to try and bake up something.

The oven beeped, he took out the apple pie he had baked. It was a bit burnt around the edges, but it smelled good. All in all, he was happy from his work.

"It smells really good in here." He heard his mother say. She was in the hallway putting down her coat. "Did you bake something ?"

"Yeah. Apple pie. And uhm, we're out of f-f-flour now." He said apologetically.

His mother entered the kitchen and took Hailey in her arms, giving her a wet peck her on her little nose and pulling a giggle out of her.

She approached the table and smelled the pie. "Well, don't you think it was worth it ?"

"It's a bit burnt." He said evenly.

His mother smiled. "It was your first, and I think it looks really good." She took took out two plates from the cupboard.

"You want to eat it n-n-now ?"

"What kind of mother would I be if I didn't want to taste it right away ?" That smile, that playful smile… It had been years since he had seen it. It was like she was young again, like she was back to being the mom of his youngest years. He didn't deserve that smile. He wasn't the innocent cub she thought he was anymore.

She cut two slices and gave him one, keeping the smaller for herself. She always did that. Give him more. His chest ached. He shouldn't have baked this pie. It was a lie. It was pretending.

She blew on the piece of bakery a couple of times before biting into it, soon imitated by her son. He could see her eyes get wider, and her smile grow larger.

"It's-"

"A bit burnt." He repeated.

"Perfect." She finished. She put the plate down and cut a tiny piece to give to Hailey.

"Mom ! She's too young !" Gideon protested.

"I did that with you all the time, and you turned out fine." There was so many things wrong with that sentence, Gideon wouldn't have known where to begin.

"She could choke !" The young fox could already see her take a bite, and start coughing. She would turn blue, her eyes would bulge. And she would die. All because of a piece of pie. His pie.

"Not with a piece this size."

He almost pounced to stop his mother when Hailey gobble the minuscule piece of pie.

She didn't cough. She didn't choke. She only smiled and stretched her little paws toward the pie slice with bubbly sounds.

"See, she really likes it !"

Gideon had to hold himself to the table. She liked it. His little sister like his pie. It made him happy and sad at the same time.

"Giddy, are you okay ?" She asked warily, seeing his distraught expression.

"I'm f-f-fine, 'Ma." He lied.

Willa went to her son and looked at him, running a finger on his cheek. He wanted to lean into it, to close his eyes, to forget everything.

He felt her arms wrap around him, as she rested her head against his chest. Until now, he had never realised how small she was. "I'm proud of you, Giddy." He heard her whisper.

Between them, Haily cooed, and grabbed the edge of his collar in his little paw.

He felt a lump in his throat. "It's just a p-p-pie." He articulated in a voice he hoped wasn't too hoarse.

"I'm not talking about the pie."

He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve any of that. He should push them both away and refuse their love, but part of him knew it would hurt his mom. So he hugged back, hanging on for dear life. Maybe someday he'd stop being so worthless and actually deserve everything they were giving him. In the meantime, he would do everything to make her and his sister smile, because at the very least they did deserve it.

* * *

As soon as Gideon had entered Dr Blackfur's cabinet, he had sat on his armchair. He hadn't said hello, he hadn't said a thing. He was just staring blankly into space.

"Good afternoon, Gideon." She greeted after a full minute of silence, to which he didn't answer. "Did you do your homework ?"

There was a slow wag in his tail, but he didn't answer.

"If you didn't do them, I'll have to give you detention." She smiled jokingly.

"I d-d-did them !" He immediately answered with a fearful expression. "I did !"

The doctor wanted to slap herself. Of course bringing up detention with an abused child would incite panick, what was she thinking ? "I'm sorry." She apologized, though he didn't understand why. "It was in poor taste. Did you do your homework ?"

"Y-y-yeah. I made a pie."

"You like baking ?"

The fox shrugged. "I dunno. Ma and Hailey really l-l-liked it though."

"It was good then."

"It was burnt. On the edges." He said flatly.

"Will you try to bake one again ?"

The young fox hesitated. "Do I have to ?"

"Not if you don't want to."

He stared at her for a long time. He didn't know what to do. The truth was, he had liked making that pie. He had liked making something with his own paw, proving that they could be used for something else than doing evil. He had liked baking. For a fleeting moment, it had made him happy, almost as much as seeing his mom's smile when she tasted it. "I shouldn't." He blurted.

"Why not ?"

"Because… Because…" He began, trying to find a good reason. "B-b-because I'm not good at it."

"Didn't your mom like it ?"

"She said she liked it. But she's my 'Ma, she's still keepin' the shitty d-d-drawing I did when I was in first grade. She would say she liked it w-w-whether it was good or not."

"Don't you think she likes these drawings ?"

The fox looked down without replying.

"Do you think your mom like the wrong things ?"

"She used to love my d-d-dad." He muttered. "And she likes m-m-me too. She likes all the wrong things."

"She loves Hailey too." The psychologist remarked. Immediately, Gideon's face shot up, a snarl curling his lips.

"Dontchu talk about mah sister !"

"Your mother loves both you and your sister. Why would she be wrong to love one but not the other ?"

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU ! I'M LIKE HIM ! I'M WORTHLESS ! I BREAK EVERYTHING I TOUCH !"

"You're not like him." Blackfur stated calmly.

"You don't know that. I'm as bad as he is."

He said aggressively, trying to stare her down. She left a few seconds pass before speaking again.

"Why did your father beat you ?"

"Because I'm worth-"

"No. What was his reason ? Why would he do it ? The last time it happened, why did he do it ?"

"I-I-I..." He hesitated. He had avoided the topic with pretty much everyone after the trial, he didn't want to go back there. He didn't want to think about it again.

"Gideon, why did he do it ?"

"I t-t-tried to protect Ma and Haily. I wouldn't let him get to them."

"And before that ?"

The fox hesitated again. "Bad grades."

"Before that ?"

"I dunno… I torn my shirt, or I got detention."

"Do you think you deserved it ?"

Gideon fell mute yet again. He felt like he deserved being beaten, he felt like he deserved worse. But he couldn't try to end his life again. Seeing his mother as distraught as she had been had broken his heart, and he couldn't inflict that to her again.

"Why do you think he beat up your mom ?"

He didn't answer.

"Do you think she deserved it ?"

The growl that came from his throat was loud and aggressive. "Dontchu say that. Dontchu ever say that."

"Then why ?"

"Because… She made m-m-mistakes. Because sometimes she f-f-forgot his newspaper, or she c-c-cooked his meal too much, or…"

"But it was wrong, wasn't it ?"

"Of course ! Of course it was !"

"So you'd never do that." She stated, matter of factly.

He shook his head with a scowl, how could she even suggest that.

"Then how are you like your dad ?"

"Because I am."

"Gid-"

"I JUST AM, OKAY ?!"

He had risen from his seat, with fangs bared, before even realising he had. He then slumped back on his sit. "You s-s-see ? Just like him. I'm j-j-just like him."

There wasn't much more to pull from that session. The fox had retreated behind barriers and wouldn't get out of that shelter. She could start to see the cracks in his barrier of self-doubt and deprecation, but it was way too soon to call it a victory. She could see in his attitude, in his will to paint himself as a monster, a desperate need to be proven wrong. Once again, she gave him homeworks, some that he knew he wouldn't like but were necessary for him to get past his self-hate.

* * *

The town was mostly empty in the summer, espcially the week end. Some adults were walking around, carrying bags, doing their own things. There were groups of kids running around and shouting near the park.

The morning breeze sent a chill in Gideon's spine. He didn't like being here, he didn't like being out and alone in the street. Passing in front of a store, he saw his own reflection and the first thing that came to his mind was the resemblance, the similarities in their features.

Worthless.

Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to keep walking. He had homework to do.

There was a group of bunny kids that were playing with some bugs. Two of them looked about his age, and recognized at least one of them. For a few seconds, he wondered if he had ever tormented them, and he concluded that yes, he very probably has. He was certain that at some point, if they had ever been in contact, he had to at least had a bad word for one of them.

With a sigh, he started to walk toward them.

He was only two paces away when they noticed him. One of the kids ears turned toward him, followed by his head. He saw his eyes get wide with fear and it hurt him. He didn't have the right to feel hurt, he had earned it, even revelled in it at some point. But not anymore. And it hurt.

"What do you want ?" One of them asked with hostility.

"I..." He began, unsure. He felt stupid. This was stupid. He should have gone for an isolated mammal. "I j-j-just…"

The one closes to him took a step back. "If you got nothing to say, leave us alone, Gideon." He spat, starting to leave.

"Wait !" The vulpine reacted, reaching for the bunny's shoulder. His paw was promptly swatted away by another one.

"Don't touch him !" He warned, lifting his fist threateningly. "I'll b-beat you up." The bunny stammered, with less conviction than he had hoped.

Despite that, seeing the raised fist, Gideon took a step back, and the four bunnies noticed the frightened expression on his features.

Gideon was afraid. Of only four bunnies.

"Are you scared ?" Asked one of them. "Aren't you gonna to try to take our money ?"

"N-n-no." Protested Gideon, cursing his stammering. "I ain't-"

One of the bunny shoved him back. "Then why are you here, huh ? Looking for new victims ?"

"No, l-l-listen-"

Another shove. "We don't want to listen to you, you pelt !" Said another, pushing him in turn while one of the bunny tripped him.

"This is for stealing my lunch money in third grade !" Said one of them, kicking him in the chin. He knew he had seen at least one of them somewhere. The pain in itself was mild, but Gideon started panicking. He felt himself getting angrier and angrier, as the punches and kicks started raining. He balled his fist, ready to strike. It would be so easy, they were so small, a punch to the snout and each of them would be done. But he didn't. He didn't want to hurt them. He didn't want to be that anymore. And he couldn't stop himself from feeling like he deserved the wrath of his tormentors.

"Hey, you ! What the hell are you doing ?" Came a female voice. "Yes, you four ! Stop right there and stay where you are !"

But the four bunnies didn't listen. Instead, they scampered away in a nearby alleyway, throwing insult and rude gestures to the fox. Gideon then turned toward the source of the voice. It was a small black ewe wearing a pink dress. "Oh. It's you." She said, and he could clearly here the disappointment in her voice. That too, he had earned.

"Hey Sharla." He greeted. Starting to get back on his feet, he felt her hoof helping him up.

"Are you okay ?" She asked, more out of politeness than because she really cared.

Surprisingly, he did. Years of beatings had hardened him, and the few weak hits he had taken would barely leave bruises. "Yeah. Thanks." He said as she turned around to leave. "Wait." He had been about to reach for her but retracted his paw as soon as she turned around again.

"What do you want ?" There was some fear in her eyes, but also some annoyance.

"I… S-s-sorry. It's just… Okay it's stupid."

She stared at him, dumbfounded. The fox had disappeared from school almost a year ago, and the rumors said he had flunked out to work at a factory. Some other rumors said that his father had beaten him so bad that he had been thrown into prison. She didn't know which was true or false, but a few things were for certain. Gideon looked distraught, he certainly didn't have any friends to talk to, and she had been raised as a thoughtful mammal. And helping others was all part of her character, even for mammals like Gideon.

"Alright, follow me." She sighed, leading him to a bench near the park entrance. They both sat at each end, leaving as much space between them as physically possible. "What is it ?" She asked.

Gideon bit his lips. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell her, but on the other paw, she had accepted to give him some of her time, and she had saved him from a beating. He at least owed her that.

"I… gotta to talk to someone I've been m-m-mean to." He blurted.

"Why ?" She asked with a confused expression.

"Homework. From m-m-my psychologist."

Gideon was seeing a psychologist. That was new to her, and probably a good thing. Sharla didn't tell him, but she had been interested in medecine for a long time, after having dropped the astronaut idea. She hadn't chosen which branch she'd pursue yet, but she read a lot. And when she said a lot, it meant that there was barely enough space for her bed in her own room anymore.

"Oh. Well, I guess you just did that." She smiled jokingly.

"Y-y-yeah." He twisted his fingers nervously.

A few seconds passed between them, before she spoke again. "What happened to you ?"

He didn't know why, Gideon started to speak. Everything flowed out, things he had never told anyone, not his mother, not his psychologist, not even Travis, not that they had ever really been friends in hindsight. He told her about the beatings, about the trial, about the suicide attempt, about his anger, about his fear of turning like his father. When he stopped, he could barely breath. He was waiting for her judgement, the sentence that would confirm that he had deserved everything that had happened, like he knew he did.

"Woah, Gideon, that's… Heavy stuff." She muttered. "You really tried to…" She mimed the hanging and he nodded his head.

"I had no idea… No one knew. If the teacher had known, they'd have done something. We'd have done something !"

He looked at her and stared at her blankly. "Why ?"

"Because… Because it's not right ! No wonder why you were angry all the time ! Oh my gosh, why did no one notice ? The bruising, the anger, the broken limbs ! It was so obvious ! We… We didn't even care !" She was pulling on her wool angrily. "We just assumed you were a jerk because… Because you were…"

Gideon shrugged. "A worthless fox. Like my father."

Silence fell again. Sharla felt ill to her stomach, trying to imagine what the fox had been through. If her father had been like his, she couldn't tell how her life would be. In truth, she felt sorry for him. She was still afraid, she couldn't help it, but knowing where he came from changed everything.

"I'm sorry." He said out of the blue. "I know it d-d-doesnt change anytin' I've done in the past, but I'm sorry. For being a jerk, for b-b-bullying you. I'm sorry for… bein' me."

That was one of the most heartbreaking thing the black ewe had ever heard. He got up from the bench and started leaving, as she tried to find her word.

"Gideon..."

He stopped but didn't turn around.

"For what it's worth, I don't think you're like your father. At all."

He glanced at her over his shoulder. "Sharla, I know what I-"

"He would never have apologized. He would never have felt sorry." She couldn't possibly know that, but she didn't care. In her book, mammals that beat their children couldn't have any good fiber in them. And if throwing Gideon's father under the bus could bring any comfort to that poor fox, she would. "I forgive you Gideon." She said, throwing him the warmest smile she could muster. "And I think you should too."

As he started to walk away with hunched shoulder, she was pretty sure she heard him sob. She wished she had more to say, but the words didn't come.

* * *

"I baked other pies." The fox was setting down his bag near the armchair before sitting on it.

Dr Blackfur gave a glance to Gideon over her notebook "Oh ?"

"Yeah… A blueberry one and a strawberry one. I think they were quite good. There is a slice in m-m-my bag if ya want."

The panda smiled. She wasn't a big fan of getting gifts from her patients. Sometimes, it led to crossing the line of the patient/doctor relationship, a distance needed for them to heal properly. Still, it meant Gideon recognized the importance of what he was doing, that he recognized that he needed it and accepted it.

"I'd be happy to try your pies, Gideon. So, I take it you really like baking."

"I d-d-do." He said shyly. "I'm not great at it, but I know I'm getting better, and I like doin' it."

"If you do something you like, you can only get better at it."

"Do ya like yer job ?" That question had multiple implications. Did she like engaging with troubled mammals ? Did she enjoy helping them out ? Was it a chore ? But the most important one was the one that affected him. He had made an unconscious link between baking and working. She had no saying in what he should do with his life, but she could still nudge him toward something that could make him happy. That was pretty much in her job description.

"That's why I chose it."

The fox seemed to mull it over, and she could also see the cogs turn in his brain. "Tha's good, then." He smiled. It was the first time she had seen him truly smile during one of their session. That was progress, right there. She was well aware that it wasn't healthy, but she lived for that kind of moment.

"Did you do your homework ?"

"I d-d-did."

"How did it go ?"

Gideon sighed. "Not great at first…"

He told her everything, from meeting the rabbits to his long discussion with Sharla. He told her how he had been surprised about her change of attitude, and what the last words she had said to him were.

"What do you make of all this ?" Doctor Blackfur asked.

"I dunno… I think she's wrong."

"What makes you think that ?"

"B-b-because I still get angry ! I get angry when I can't sleep, I get angry when I burn what I'm baking, I-I…"

"Everyone gets angry, Gideon. It's an emotion, it's not something anyone can control. We can control our reactions to it though. Tell me, why didn't you fight back when you were attacked ?"

"I… I didn't want to. It didn't hurt much… And I kinda deserved it."

She filed the part about him deserving it for later, deciding to keep going in the same direction for the moment. "But you were angry." She stated.

The young vulpine frowned. "Of course, I was ! I know I was probably mean to them in the past, but I wasn't going to do anything bad this time ! I just wanted to talk ! But if I had fought back it would have just made it worse !"

"What would your father has done in in your place ?"

"He… He would have hit back." He hesitated. "But just b-b-because I ain't like my dad right now, doesn't mean I won't turn out like him in the future. I mean, I was like him before, wasn't I ?"

"So you're not like him right now ?"

Gideon opened his mouth and closed it. He had no answer to that. Seeing him closing himself, the doctor switched tactics.

"Why did you use to bully the other kids ?"

"Because I wos- am just a bad mammal." He shrugged, not really wanting to go down that path. "I did it because I did it."

"No one just does things."

"Well I did !"

She stared at him a couple of seconds before speaking again. "The other kids, how did them make you feel ?"

He shrugged again, and she pressed on. "When you interacted or when they talked about you, what did you think ?"

A few memories came to the fox's mind. His first days in primary school, the wariness of the prey kids, mostly the bunnies.

"I f-f-felt like… Because I'm fox, they acted like I wos dangerous… Stupid… I know I'm a bit s-s-slow, but still." She kept staring at him, and he kept talking. "And it made me so angry, ya know ? Because I couldn't do anyhin' about it. Because, I can't help bein' a fox… And I just…" As he talked, he got more and more agitated, his paws trembling. "They thought they were better, a-a-and I had to show them they weren't. That I was s-s-strong, b-b-because they'd never respect me otherwise. So I m-m-made them afraid. Like… Like…" He looked up at the panda. "Like him."

"And how did you feel about yourself ?"

"I… Dunno. I just don't know anything, doc. I'm… I…" He broke down. "I wos just a kid ! I didn't know better ! You have to believe me ! I'm just a stupid fox… I don't know why I did all that, but I did… And I c-c-couldn't help it, and I'm sorry." He sniffled as she gave him a tissue box. "Why was I like this ? I just can't understand why. It ain't makin' any sense…"

She gave him some time to calm himself. The next line of questionning was going to be tricky. "When you bake, how do you feel ?"

Gideon was surprised by the shift in topic, but he didn't protest. If they could stir away from these painful thoughts, he was perfectly fine with that.

"Good."

"And about yourself ?"

"I… Dunno. It's… Something I can do. I like 'dat."

"You like doing it because you're good at it ?"

He scratched the back of his head. "I ain't sure I'm really good yet, but I feel like I could be…? Whatever I bake, I know I can make it turn out g-g-good enough. I feel… There just isn't any doubt ya know ?"

"So you feel confident."

"Yeah. I guess I feel c-c-confident."

"Is there anything else that makes you feel like that ?"

The fox blinked and thought about it. He couldn't think of anything. Baking was pretty much the only thing he knew he could do right. He was still frightened around his mother and sister, even though he could tell it was slowly fading. "No."

"And was there anything that make you feel like that before ?"

Gideon winced. He didn't want to think about the bad stuff he had done again, but he knew that if he didn't do it now, the doctor would bring it up again later. He closed his eyes and steadied his breath, thinking real hard.

He had beaten up other kids, and it had him feel strong. He had stolen, lied, and gotten away with way more things that he should have. And each time, deep down, he had known it had been wrong. Those were the only things that came to his mind.

"No. I just wanted to feel l-l-like I was strong. But I wosn't." He muttered. "I think… I didn't feel good about mahself. I never did. Everyone else, they were… Judy, she wanted to be a cop, Bobby, he was good at music. Sharla was the brain, she knew everythin's about science and stuff, they all had sumthin'… And me, I wos j-j-just nuthin'. And that wosn't fair…" He clenched his fists angrily. "And it made me hate 'em all so much. It made me so angry, All because I wos… I am…" He looked up to the panda. "It felt like t-t-they had it all figured out. And I just felt… I feel I can never do nuthin' right. I feel like… Like… Does it even have a n-n-name, doc ?"

She was staring at him intensely over her crossed paws. He was figuring it out. The road would be long, there were going to be setbacks, but he had found the road. "It's called self-doubt."

"Self-doubt." He repeated silently. It felt strange to finally put it into words. It made it more real, but at the same time, so much easier to see. So much easier to face.

* * *

An eighteen years old Gideon was standing in front of an automatic metal gate. A loud buzz was heard and the gate opened, letting him and the large panda that was accompanying him get through. He was wearing a shirt and a tie, which was fairly unusual for him, but he wanted to make a good impression.

"Please follow me." Said a female pig warden. She led them through a series of white painted corridor until they reached a large red door with a sign that read "visits" next to it.

Gideon hesitated, turning his head toward Dr Blackfur.

"Yer shure I'm ready ?"

"I wouldn't have brought you there if that wasn't the case, Gideon."

"Okay." He said in a curt breath. "Okay."

She put a knee to the floor be at eye level with him. "You don't have to see him if you don't want to. You don't owe him anything. Just say the word and we're out of here."

"No. I want- I have t-t-to do it."

The panda nodded and the warden opened the door.

He stepped in a large room with a row that was cut in two by a long table, with cubicle separated by transparent panels. The place was relatively low security, so there wasn't any plexiglas panel between the two sides of the table. Still, there were enough guards to react in case things turned violent.

He sat to the table he was told to and waited patiently, sometimes glancing back to the door, hoping to see the panda's reassuring face. Sadly the door remained closed.

Then, he saw him. From a door at the far side of the room, a lanky fox appeared. His arms and legs were cuffed, and he looked tired and thin. It was strange to see his father so much thinner than he was before getting into jail. One of his eyes was bruised, and he still had his permanent scowl plastered to his face. When he saw his son sitting at the table, his face turned blank and he raised a single brow.

"Hey d-d-dad." Gideon stammered as his father sat down.

"Hey son." He grunted back.

"How ya d-d-doin' ?"

"Fine. You have a stammer now ?" The older fox asked with a tinge of mockery.

Gideon felt a lump in his throat, and forced it out with long breath. "Yeah. I do."

Silence lingered, until Gavin broke it. "Fancy clothes you have there."

"T-Thanks."

"Where did you get the money ?" The question was loaded. Gideon could tell he meant to ask if he had stolen it.

"Work."

"You work ? Where ?"

"In a b-b-bakery."

He knew what his father thought about a male in the kitchen, but he didn't care about that. Truth was, baking made him happy, and that all that mattered.

"Well, I'll be darned. Lil' Gideon is earning his own money. Glad to see you stopped leechin' off."

Gideon gritted his teeth. The moment he had stepped foot in that room, he knew how it was going to go down. A small part of him had hoped his father would have changed, that prison would have made him come to his senses. That hope had been senseless to begin with it would seem. He was even more filled with hate than before.

"You found a bakery that accepted working with foxes ?"

"Yeah. O'l Leapers. He was hard to convince but-"

"You slavin' for a goddam prey ?" His father cut with anger in his voice.

Gideon winced. "Yeah. I got a job that I like with a b-b-boss that respects my work." That was a line he had rehearsed in preparation, and he had barely stammered saying it, which made him prouder that he liked to admit.

His father glared at him. He was sure that if he hadn't been restrained, he would already have lept over the table to hit him.

"God, yer such a fuckin' disappointment. Ya had to be a weakling, now you're bendin' to a goddam prey. What else ? Ya queer ? Ya shagin' preys too ? What more do ya have to lay on yer old man ?"

Gideon shook his head. He wasn't dating anyone, and to be honest, he had never thought about trying to find someone.

His father was still glaring at him while Gideon felt more and more uncomfortable. He wished he could stir the conversation where he wanted it to go, or rather where he needed it to go. All his father seemed to want was to antagonize him, and it didn't make things easy.

He closed his eyes and drew a breath, pushing the word out as fast as he could. "Why did you s-s-stop lovin' us ?"

Gavin wasn't glaring at him anymore. His expression had turned to confused.

"Why dad ? What happened ? What did I do ?"

His father was too stunned to answer. It was a thing he had never thought about.

"Why not just leave if ya didn't want t-t-to be here ?"

"Did you want me to flee like a fuckin' coward ?" Gideon's father asked with a scowl.

"Woulda been better than c-c-constantly bein' beaten." The younger fox muttered.

A cuffed fist struck the table. "Do you think I'd ever abandon my family ?"

"It woulda been better for us if y-y-ya had left !" Gideon answered angrily.

"That what you woulda done, would ya ?" He father shot back. "A coward like ya could never understand what a real fox should do."

"A coward." Gideon muttered under his breath. His face shot back up to meet his father's gaze. "Ya know, fer a long time, I thought I wos like ya, or t-t-that I wos goin's to turn into ya."

"Ha ! As if the worthless piece of shit ya are could ever be like me."

"Ya really believe 'dat ?" The older fox completely missed the hints of hope in Gideon's voice.

"We're nothin' alike. The moment I saw ya, I knew ya were soft and weak."

Gideon's shoulder hunched. His father saw it as a sign of victory, but it was simply Gideon's show of resignation. The last bridges were burning between them, and it made him both happy and miserable at the same time. He slowly got up and shot a last glance to his father.

"You're not even s-s-sorry, are ya ?"

"Why should I be ? I tried to beat some sense into y'all and ya never respected me or what I wos givin ya. As far as I'm concerned, ya ain't my son anymore."

A part of his heart broke at that statement, another leapt with joy. "G-g-good by then, Gavin." He said, with tears in his voice as he started walking away.

"I didn't give ya permission to leave ! Hey, do you hear me ? Come back here ! Come back or I swear to-"

The younger fox had barely kept himself from running away. The door closed behind him and he directed himself toward the panda who was waiting for him.

"Are you okay ?" She asked, seeing the few tears that had welled in his eyes. The fox wiped his face with his sleeve.

"I think, maybe. Let's go home."

* * *

A twenty-six years old Gideon was grinning from ear to ear. He was holding his sister up to the ribbon stretched between a pair of door handles. Above the door was a large sign "Gideon Grey's Real Good Baked Stuff.", the name she had chosen herself. Hailey used the pair of scissors she was holding cut the ribbon, the two strands falling to the ground.

"Gideon Grey's Real Good Baked Stuff is officially opened !" He cheered, under the applause of several mammals.

His mother was here, wiping a tear from her eyes, as well as several other mammals he knew. Bobby, Sharla, even a few Hoppses. There were some of his old teachers too, as well as most of the clients he had served when he was only an employee.

He started going around, shaking hands and smiling at the encouraging words he heard, before heading inside and placing himself behind the counter.

Later, there would be a small festive gathering, but he was too eager to finally get to work at his own place.

"Two strawberry scones, pretty please." Smiled his sister in front of the counter, handing him the money her mother had given him.

He wrapped the pieces of bakery in greaseproof paper and passed it over the counter.

"Thank you for your purchase."

"You're welcome, Giddy." She giggle, taking her mother's hand before leaving the store.

The next in line was Sharla. "Hey Gideon."

"Hey Sharla, what will it be ?"

"I'll have a baguette and two slices of blueberry pie, please."

"Comin' right up." He shot back, getting her order.

He gave it to her and she paid him. "Thank you. And sorry by the way."

"What fer ?"

"I promised I'd be your first client."

The fox shrugged. "Ya'll be the first one t-t-tomorrow, then. See ya later."

Gideon had closed down the store for the day. He was exhausted and happy, simply watching the few people that were here to celebrate from a couple of steps away.

Willa was chatting with Bonnie Hopps over a glass of cheap champaign, while Sharla was taking a picture of a table covered in pastries. Bobby and Travis were talking about some music while nibbling on some pie. In one of the corner, Hailey and a bunny kid he didn't know (but who was probably one of Bonnie's) were coloring on the same book and chatting cheerily.

He approached the group with a smile.

"Is everything fine ?"

"It's perfect, Gid." Smiled Sharla.

"That it is, Mr Grey." Added Bonnie, raising her drink.

"Won't you make a speech, Giddy ?" Asked his mother, giving him a filled glass.

The fox gulped. He had purposefully avoided that in the morning. But they were all watching expectantly, and he couldn't disappoint them. The problem was, he had no idea what to say. He took a sip from his drink to stall, swallowed, almost choked, and drew a deep breath.

"Y'all… Y'all know me, so there ain't no point presentin' myself. I… When I wos a cub, I wos a bully, you know, the bully… And…" The faces that were watching him fell a bit, and he supposed it wasn't a really good idea to linger on the past. "Well, as all of you know, stuff happened, and it took a bit of t-t-time fer me to find wot I wanted to do. I had to work hard, like never before, but I think I made it, right ? So I just wanted t-t-to say thank you fer givin' me a second chance." His gaze lingered on Sharla, who raised a thumb at him. "Thank you fer believin' in me."

He raised his glass, imitated by his public and gulped it.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door. "Are we waiting for someone ?" Asked Bonnie.

"I don't think so." Answered Willa.

Gideon directed himself toward the door and opened it to see a large panda with ruffled fur standing in front of it.

"Doctor Blackfur ?"

"Hi, Gideon. I'm late, am I ?" She said rhetorically.

The fox felt a bit guilty for not inviting her at the small reunion. "Well, we're still celebrating."

"Oh no, I wanted come to your opening and buy something, but I got taken with work. I don't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be intruding."

"I really would be."

That was one of the few moment the distance she had to leave between her and her patient annoyed her. Gideon understood that, as it was a topic they had discussed during their sessions together.

"Alright, what can I get you ?"

"Gideon, I really-"

He cut her with a smile. "Yer still payin', no family discount."

She chuckled. "A blueberry pie, please."

"Comin' right up."

He went back in, and noticed the pair of mammal moving away from the window with an innocent expression. He wrapped the pie and left the bakery again.

"Here it is." He said, swapping the pie for the money and pocketing it.

She took it with a smile. "I see you've done great for yourself in the two last years."

"Yeah, I did. I didn't think I'd see ya again."

"When I heard you were opening your own place, I knew I just had to come and see it. I like the name."

"I'll let Hailey know."

They let a few second pass before Gideon broke the silence again. "Thank you. Fer everytin'."

"You did the walk yourself, I just showed you the road."

"I don't t-t-think I'd have found it without ya."

They shook hands and the panda left, leaving the fox with a smile on his face.

Behind him, he heard the door open, its edge hitting the small bell attached above it. "Was it Dr Blackfur ?" Asked his mother.

"Yep. Came here to see if I was doin' okay."

His mother place a paw around his back and rested her head against his shoulder. "And are you doing okay ?"

He put an arm to her shoulder, giving her a sideway hug. "I think I'm doin' great."

**The end**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oh, did I forget to say it was a two part story ?_


	4. A Walk on the Otter Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty.
> 
> This story is a request by supernova2015.
> 
> Oh, yeah, this **SMUT !**
> 
> If you're under eighteen, you need to have an adult with you to read it, or something like that.
> 
> No seriously :
> 
>  
> 
> **WARNING : THIS IS PORN. TIME TO GO FETCH A TOWEL AND SOME HAND LOTION !**
> 
>  
> 
> This fic's shit name as been brought to you by Ytodd's office of shameless puns.
> 
> Welcome to the shitshow.

The sun is high in the sky.

Judy has lost a bet with Nick, her partner and boyfriend of a year, and she's picking up burritos at a small foodtruck Nick was really fond of. The food there doesn't do it for her, too greasy in her opinion, but if she didn't like it she shouldn't have made a bet on an office gossip to begin with.

I mean, Wolford and Fangemeyer ? Together ? They snipe at each other so much, who could have guessed ? Well… Nick apparently.

Her veggie burrito in one paw and Nick's chicken in the other, she makes her way back toward the cruiser where she is sure her fox is waiting for her.

Their relationship's going steady, and she is glad that the ZPD regulations don't forbid colleagues from being in relationship. Being partner, on the other paw, isn't the same story. Though it isn't ourtight forbidden, the risk of conflict of interest is massive, but the chief can't take the risk of splitting his star officers. The news outlets would learn on how the firsts bunny and fox officers that had saved the city jave been separated and the PR fallout would be wayyyy too hard to deal with.

It's a moot point anyway as they haven't revealed it to their boss yet.

Lost in thought, Judy's eyes go wide at the scene she sees near the cruiser. Nick is chatting with Mrs Otterton. The tod is leaning through the car window, his elbows resting on the edge while the otter is standing next to it, on the curb. That, in itself isn't overly surprising. What is, however, is that she is tugging at the fox's tie, batting her eyes, and overall looking flirty.

The bunny slowly exhales. This isn't what's happening. The sweet otter, mother of two, with a happy marriage, would certainly not be flirting with another mammal. And certainly not with Judy's boyfriend (not that anyone knows about it, they have managed to keep it on the down low for a year, partly because of the many doughnut they treat Clawhauser with, the only mammal that knows about it).

Maybe she is simply misunderstanding things, Nick tends to be naturally flirty with everyone, the otter might be responding in kind.

Still on the corner of the street, she takes a step back and leans her back against the wall while taking out her phone to look occupied and thus not spying on mammals. If she's to try to listen in on the conversation, she'd as well do it discreetly. He bunny hearing is good enough that she'd at least get a few scraps of conversation. Closer, and Nick would sniff her out.

That fox sense of smell is crazy high for one of his species, or maybe it worked that well only with her. In any case, she never managed to surprise him, which infuriates her to no end as the fox regularly managed to have the drop on her. Cursed shifty foxes and their sly paws.

"… Nice proposition… Not… Maybe if..." The noise of the busy street don't help either, Nick's voice is mostly muffled.

"Still stands… One day… Be glad to try… Still into it."

The bunny starts to really doubt she's misunderstanding.

"Give you a call… Happens…" The bunny grits her teeth. This isn't proof. It's coincidence.

"… Be hoping to hear… Nice day…"

"You too…"

Judy unstucks herself from the wall and directs herself toward the car, digging into her acting classes to put on a mask of cheerfulness.

"Oh, Mrs Otterton, I didn't know you were here !"

"Why, hello Judy ! With Nick here, I knew you wouldn't be far. The two of you might as well be attached at the hips."

_We are sometimes, bi… No. No thinking like that. Nothing happened. They just flirted._

"Hah ! Good one." Judy smiles. "So, how are you doing ?"

"I'm doing fine. Sorry to cut this short, but I have matters to attend to. Nice seeing you two, though. Have a nice day."

"You too, Mrs Otterton !"

As the otter disappears around the corner, Judy gives Nick his burrito, rounds the car and hops on her own seat.

"She seemed good. I was afraid she and her husband would have a hard time coming back from the Nighthowler incident, but they're doing fine." Judy states before biting into her burrito, while scruting Nick's features.

True to himself, he keeps his usual lazy smile and half lidded eyes as his sharp teeth tore through his wrapped food. "She is, yeah. Most mammals involved recovered, but I know a few of them went to a support group… "

Judy tries to reroute the conversation toward the otter, but whether Nick does it on purpose or not, it seems the conversation will always stray for the topic.

So Judy foes the most Judy thing she can and confronts the problem directly.

"Nick, what were you talking about with Mrs Otterton before I arrived ?"

The fox shrugs dismissively. "Just catching up."

"And the tie tugging and doe eyes were just part of the catching up ?"

A bit of Nick's food goes into his throat sideways and he begins coughing. The piece of chicken finally dislodges itself after a few seconds and the fox stares at Judy sheepishly. After that display, it will be hard to pass it off as an innocuous thing.

"Well..."

"Nick, spill it." She says, putting on her police questioning attitude.

"There's nothing really, Octavia and me have just known eachother for a while..."

"Octavia ? You're on first name basis ?" Her tone is accusatory.

Nick grits his teeth. The truth is that there is technically nothing to say, but technically never cuts in matter of the heart. Judy trusts him, and he knows it, but the display had to look suspicious, and he was flirting back, even if for the hell of it.

This dives into something he isn't fond talking about. His past. Granted, this issn't one of its most inglorious part, it's still not one of the things he wishes his girlfriend to know about.

"Promise you won't get mad ?"

Red flag.

"Nick, if there's something going on between you and Mrs Otterton, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get mad."

And if you don't talk, I'm going to assume things and we might as well break up right now.

"There's nothing going on. Never was, I promise ! But it's… A bit… Oh crap, how can I say it ?"

_You trust me, you don't see me as sly and shifty, or at least not your not seeing it as a negative trait. There are a few things about me that are unsettling and I wish I could keep it under wrap, because they don't affect you or our relationship._

Nick's ears are pinned back, and his tail had gone poofy. He's obviously distressed by the discussion, his eyes going up to meet hers, and then immediately fleeing as soon as they do.

"Hey, hey, Nick. It's me. You tell me there's nothing serious between you two and I want to believe it. But if you keep what this not serious thing is to yourself, it's going to affect us both."

The tod takes a deep breath. "Alright. Alright. Do you know how Emmitt and me met ?"

"You sold him pawpsicles ?"

"Hah ! No. I used to work at the mystic spring oasis… Yeah, take it in, because it kind of goes downhill from here. Emmitt was a regular here, occasionnally accompanied by his wife. She wasn't very much into the whole naturalist thing, but she wasn't rebuked by it either."

"What did you do there ?"

Nick shrugs. "Bit of everything. I worked the desk, I groundkept, did a bit of handywork. I introduced the newcomers to the rules and customs… It's fun to work naked, you should try it once in a while." He grins, gracefully taking Judy's elbow in the ribs.

"Since I was working here, I basically had a permanent free pass, that used to get me massages and such and I met Emmitt and his wife there a couple of times. We sympathised, I got them free drinks, Emmitt got me free flowers for the girlfriend I had at the time. It was a good system."

"You don't get free flowers anymore ?" Judy asks.

"Nope. All the bouquet you got were bought and paid for. Can't accept gifts from civilian." Nick smirks. "It's the part of the job that sucks the most. Anyway, Mystic Springs has a thing called Tantric Tuesday. And no, it isn't as sleazy as it sounds. Or at least it wasn't as long as Nangi was the one in charge. More spirituality than sexual activity. Basically, yoga plus sex. Then, she started to have her memory problems and stopped being able to keep up. Cue, the Ottertons, trying it out for the first time, expecting a mellow environment to explore their sexuality on a new level, to end up in the middle of a full blown sex orgy."

"You were there ?"

"Yeah..."

"Participating ?"

Nick's gaze goes to the floor. "Yeah."

"Did you use protection ?"

The tod blinks. "Is this seriously all you're concerned about ?"

Judy chuckles awkwardly. "Nick, I don't think I could ever participate in a sexual activity with complete strangers, but I won't judge you if you did. I mean, you are not doing it anymore… Right ?"

"No ! Of course not ! You're the only one for me, I'd never do that to you."

"Then, yes, it's all I'm concerned about. Still, I have to ask, who were you participating with ?"

Nick doesn't blush easy. At all. But this time, she can see the tip of his ears go red as he starts muttering. "There was this raccoon called Marla. And a female bunny, can't remember her name...And Maurice, a margay."

Judy blinks. "You went several times, then."

"Yeah, but these were the ones of my last session..."

"You slept with three mammals-"

"Didn't do a lot of sleeping there, Carrots."

"-at the same time."

"Yeah..."

Nick is beyond uncomfortable. He can't watch his bunny in the eyes and has scooted away from her.

"Nick..." Judy begins with a dejected tone. The tod closes his eyes, this is going to suck. "...Where did all that stamina go ?"

Nick blinks and turns his gaze toward his girlfriend, who's grinning from ear to ear. His nerves give and he falls in hysterical laughter while Judy finishes the last remnants of her burrito.

"Carrots, that was cold." He breathes, wiping a tear from his eyes. "You're not mad ?"

The bunny shakes her head. "I was a hormone-filled bunny teenager once. I never ended up in a full-blown orgy, but I'm not the prude you think I am."

"Yeah, I stopped believing you were a prude a loooong time ago."

She gives him a playful nudge. "I stumbled on enough of them in my sibling's rooms to know some mammals are into it. And no, not between siblings, you dirty-minded fox. They just happened to participate in it."

"Did your parent know ?"

"They acted as if they didn't, but for a bunny city, Bunnyburrow's not that big. You hear things. And you learn that your parents were young once too… Not that they stopped doing that kind of stuff as they got older." Judy shudders. There are things that can't be unseen. "Anyway, cue the Ottertons ?"

"Cue the Otterton. A pair of fairly regular otters, in a room filled with mammals of different species going at it as if the apocalypse was tomorrow." Nick grins to hide his discomfort. "It was easy to see that they had absolutely nothing to do there. So I put on my metaphorical guide cap, unplugged myself from the raccoon, the bunny, and the margay, and went to greet them." She can tell he's still uncomfortable talking about all this but doesn't point it out. Humour is Nick's shield, tearing it down won't do any good.

"We talked for a bit and I accompanied them outside. We talked some more, and… Listen it's okay if I don't tell you what we talked about in detail ? Because that's fairly private to them. They wanted to try something new, and hoped to meet someone that would fit what they were looking for."

Judy lifts her paws. "No that's okay. Their sexual life isn't my business."

"Good. Anyway, we sympathized even more, and became closer friends over the couple of following years. Then, the topic came up again. Basically, they invited me to a threesome. They wanted someone they knew, trusted, and wouldn't make it awkward. I pretty much fitted all that, except for one thing ; I wasn't single anymore, and I knew enough about Joe, that he wouldn't be okay with it."

"Joe ? You mean, the hyena from the coffee shop you didn't want us to go to ?" Judy asks, she knows of Nick's mild bisexuality, but not much about the mammals he dated.

The tod nods with a smirk. "I personally prefer my coffee spitless, thank you very much. Bad break up. Anyway, as soon as I was single again, I called them and told them I was down as long as I wasn't seeing anyone. But stuff got in the way and we kept postponing it, for like… Five years. I know some of the mammals I dated would have been down with it, but I don't think they were the right ones for the Ottertons. And then, it was never the right moment either, and I couldn't really approach them because of the whole Big situation…" The tod smirks, of all the things that came out of the skunk butt rug thing, being cockblocked hadn't been one he had foreseen.

"Then she saw me in that cruiser today and the topic came up. I said to her I'd think about it but I was pretty busy at the moment being a ZPD rookie and all."

Judy blinks. "Why didn't you tell her we were a couple."

"Because we're keeping it on the down low. I'm not crossing path with her everyday, so I kind of hoped I'd come up with another excuse next time." Nick shrugs.

The bunny has a reflective expression as she starts the cruiser. Their pause if over and they should start patrolling again. Nick finishes up his burrito while his heart rate begins to calm down. The tod is glad of Judy's trustful nature, he'd never betray her, but he lived through enough stupid break ups to know some mammals just won't take the word of a fox for it.

"Do you find her attractive ?" The bunny ends up asking.

Nick's thoughts come to a halt. "Is that a trick question ?"

Judy sighs. "Nick, I find a lot of mammals attractive. Wolford has a beautiful butt, I'd take a crawl on Gideon's gut anyday if I wasn't so in love with you, and I've seen Jack's abs… Let's just say, you're not the only male with a dreamy body around. You have the right to find other mammals than me attractive."

The tod chuckles. "Oookay, that's new information about Gideon… I thought you were only into predators."

Judy giggles at the double jab at the fox baker and bunny ZIA agent.

"Seriously, though, yeah, I think she's attractive. I saw her naked, so I know what's underneath her clothes, and its a nice little pair of legs, a smooth and slightly pudgy body… And have you looked at her eyes ? I mean she has nothing on your lavender gems, but emerald is always a great colour." He grins smugly. "And I have a thing for cute wiggly noses."

"I thought I was the only cute mammal for you !" Judy playfully scowls.

Nick grins. "You are the cutest of them all."

"Aaaaand you've gone through your cute allowance this month..."

The tod shrugs. "Guess you'll only be adorable from then on..."

"What about Emmitt ?"

Nick pauses and scratches his brow reflectively. "I guess I could go for a dad bod once in a while. And he's a really great guy, very kind. Knowing him, I find it surprising he would go for that kind of experience, but he was the one that came up with the idea to begin with. I guess guys are guys, regardless of the species. I'm just surprised he asked me and not a female. That's usually what straight guys go for. Then again, Octavia's as straight as him, so… "

"So's spaghetti, 'till its wet." Blurts Judy before blushing hard.

Nick lets out a barking laugh. "Couldn't have said it better myself… Anyway, all of this is kind of moot now, since we're together. I'm not going to jump in bed with them, not even going to suggest we try." He smiles, still remembering Judy's bouts of possessiveness when they started dating. He couldn't blame her, as he had been the same, scowling and sometimes growling at any male that would show a hint of interest toward his mate. "I love you and only you."

* * *

Nick's late. He had to complete and then amend a report about one of the cruiser's tail light. The painted dog they were taking in was struggling and ended up kicking it, breaking his foot in the process. Judy's waiting at the restaurant, a nice inter-couple friendly joint they scouted out when they started dating. Of course, they keep the PDA at minimum while there, as they are still being discrete about their relationship, but it's nice to be surrounded by mammals that they know won't be put off by their relationship if they come out.

Jogging, he rounds a corner and slows his pace, calming his breath. Panting isn't a good look on him. He pushes the door and enters.

"Hello, I have a reservation."

"Of course Mr Wilde." Smiles the goat waiter. Since he and Judy became regular here, most of the staff know their names. Being celebrity is also part of the reason why they do. "They're waiting for you at the booth in the corner."

_They ?_

The tod arrives at the table and is surprised to see Emitt and his wife chatting with Judy. He puts his usual mask of lazy smile + half lidded eyes on and sits next to his bunny. "Hey Carrots, I didn't know we were going on a double date."

Silence falls.

"Oh, I guess they didn't know that yet."

Given what kind of proposition the couple made to him, he knows they won't react to the news poorly, but the look on their face is still priceless. Surprise, followed by wide grins.

"I knew it. See dear ? I told you they were an item." Says Emmitt in his usual soft and kind voice.

Octavia smiles and sends a knowing look to Nick. He guesses she know understands why he turned down her proposition from a week ago.

"Sooooo… What's the occasion ?" Nick asks to Judy, as he sits before giving her a peck on the cheek.

"Why don't we order and I'll tell you all about it while we eat." She answers with an enigmatic smile.

So there's an occasion, or a reason. The fox's mind is fired up, but ends up setting itself on only one conclusion. And he doesn't know what to make of it.

...

Minutes go by, and he barely participates in the small talk, giving mostly smiles and monosyllabic answers. He'd never admit, but he's a bit intimidated by the situation.

"So, you implied there was another reason of us being here than simply catching up." States Octavia between two sips of her wine. Judy blushes a bit. That the otter brought up the topic makes it easier, but not by much.

"Well… Nick told me about your… thing going on with him. Or more precisely, not going on."

The smiles on the Otterton's faces turn to awkward. "Oh." reacts Octavia. "Yes, I understand, you want to clear it out."

"I think it's mostly cleared out, already."

"Alright." Smiles Emmitt. "Then you can rest easy, we won't try to… Put him in our bed. He's yours, we understand that."

Judy nods. "And I appreciate it, but… I actually have a… Proposition ?"

"A proposition ?" Asks the female otter.

The bunny's about to begin talking, but she halts, and lifts a finger. "Okay, I want to make it completely clear that I do not see Nick as a merchandise I can trade. Nor that I propose all of this in the principle of fairness, okay ?"

"Ooookay ?" Nick hesitates.

"Okay. Here goes : I'm okay with the idea of you having your thing with Nick if I get- No. I'm okay with you having your thing with Nick. Period."

The silence at the table is deafening. Nick has put down his fork and is trying to find a way for his brain to start again. "Wait. Wait. Okay, alright. Okay, don't take me wrong, I've always been very free spirited about sex, but I remember how you were when we started dating. This is more than saying that you're okay with the idea."

Judy blushes in embarrassment. "I know how I was. It's a hormonal thing. You're my m- boyfriend, I couldn't help it. I couldn't have a vixen or another bunny steal you from me."

"But now you're fine with me fooling around ?"

"No ! I mean, yeah ? Kind of ? I mean, on an emotional and sentimental level, I think I couldn't handle the idea of having to share you, but… I'm a bunny okay ? It happens a lot in the burrows. We talk about it, we don't look the other way. I know my parents had a few adventures,but they love eachother, they raised us, they struggled through life together… It might be a bunny thing but sexual infidelity isn't considered real infidelity as long as it's agreed upon by both members of the couple and not kept secret."

"You mean that bunny's are swingers ?" Octavia asks.

The bunny plays with her food in her place, uncomfortable at the topic. "Yeah… I know the bigger mammals mostly aren't. Lifelong partnerships are really important to most other species. But if you take rats, hamsters… The structure is the same as us."

Emmitt gives her an interested look. "I… Didn't know about that. How isn't it public knowledge ?"

"Because we don't advertise it ? We have enough trouble with our stereotypes to not confirm that they are true." Judy sighs.

Nick takes a slice of roasted eggplant from his plate and eats it pensively. "Are you sure you're okay with the idea ?"

"Do you love me ?"

"I do love you."

"Do you think this would impact your feelings for me ?"

Nick wants to say that it would only make him love her more for accepting a part of his personality he's been keeping hidden until now, but it would make it sound like he's trying to influence her decision. "Absolutely not."

"Then, yeah, I'm fine with it… There's another thing, though."

"Go ahead sweetheart."

"I… Want to participate."

Nick smiles. It'd have been weird being in a couple and having sex without his m- girlfriend. That she'd be ready, or even (spirits forbid) eager to try makes him happy. "Okay."

"Really ?"

"I would never allow myself to do something if I wasn't okay with you doing it too."

Judy bits her lips. "I don't know, you're pretty territorial sometimes."

The tod nods. "Because I love you and don't want to lose- No, because I don't want you to leave me for another mammal. I don't think it will lead to that. I know you love me. I'm just surprised I'm not enough for you..." He put on a mask of hurt she easily sees through and elbows his ribs. "So yeah, I'm okay with it, but I'm not the only one you should ask."

The bunny chuckles seriously, her ears falling as her blush intensifies. "Yeah. Octavia, Emmitt… Whatever this is, I'd like to be part of it. I wouldn't forbid Nick to-"

"Oh we would be glad to have you !" Smiles Emmitt. "But I don't want you to force yourself to participate just because of Nick."

"I wouldn't be forcing myself… Truth is, coming to Zootopia wasn't for the sole reason of wanting to be a cop. Interspecies relationships are really frowned up in the Tri-Burrow, and I've always been attracted by other species. I wanted to experiment with some mammals, but this tod here derailed all my plans with his foxy looks and charming personality. So this is a chance, really."

"And you're fine with it being with us ?" Octavia asks.

Judy eyes both mammals. Nick knows them and trusts them. From what she knows, they are nice and decent people. The both could be old enough to be her parents, but it doesn't matter to her. She wasn't lying when she said she could picture herself crawling on Gideon. Body type was never what was pulling her in. Sure, having a toned and fit fox as a boyfriend is fantastic, but it's only part of the reason why they are together. And what the hell, the Ottertons looked so cute when were cuddling in the hospital, and bunnies are cuddlers, so that's plus too. "I'd be more than fine."

* * *

Octavia is wringing her paws. She's wearing a simple pastel pink dress with a zipper to the side, as well as short sleeved cardigan. She did her make-up, smudged it, did it again and is now walking in circles in the kitchen, while Emmitt is preparing snacks in the form of little toasts and sliced fruits.

"Dear, are you okay ?" He kindly asks, while straitening his tie. His wife was able to convince him to ditch his usual green vest top and simply go with a shirt, to which he rolled the sleeves.

And maybe it's because of her nerves, but she finds him ridiculously attractive at the moment.

His wife approaches him and straighten his glasses. "I'm okay."

"You're nervous."

"I..." She hesitates. "What are we thinking !? I can't go well ! I mean, look at us ! Look at me ! I'm just a plain housewife with lurid fantas-"

He put a finger to her lips. "Honey, you are not 'just a housewife', and I would certainly not use the word plain while describing you. We've talked about this for a long time, I know we're ready to take that plunge."

She leans into his paw and he gently brushes her cheek. "It's just that… I think I never believed it would actually happen."

"We can still cancel. Nick said no hard feeling if it happened."

Octavia closes her eyes and exhale slowly. "Just tell me it's going to be fine."

"It's going to be fine. Nick and Judy trust us, and we trust them. The kids are at your parents', the apartment is soundproof. And..." He smooches her nose which makes her giggle. "You look amazing."

These eyes. These damned green gems, they always make his heart skip a beat. She catches his tie and pulls him down, their lips meeting in a gentle kiss, slowly turning to passionate, only broken by the chiming of the bell.

"I need to touch up my make up." She whispers, rushing to the bathroom.

The male otter straighten his tie again and goes to the door, opening it to see a fox and a bunny. Nick switched his pawaian green shirt for a sleek black one, with a red tie. He rolled up his sleeves too, showing two lean but muscular arms. With that, he's wearing a pair of slim blue jeans he doesn't like to wear, but his girlfriends insists it goes well with his top and it gives him a great butt. On his shoulder is hanging a small backpack, which the otter guesses is filled with a change of clothes. Judy's wearing form fitting shorts and revealing but tasteful long-sleeved top. "Hi." She greets, offering the otter a bottle of wine they brought.

Judy gives the otter a once over and decides she'd like to tap that. She doesn't know it, but Nick's thoughts are pretty similar though he is pretty sure it won't happen. Well, he's fine, he knew what he was getting into when he agreed to this. "Hey Emmitt."

"Hello Judy, hello Nick. Please come in, I was about to bring the snack to the living room." He leads them inside a small mammal sized apartment. The right word to describe the place is homely. There are pictures of their family hanged everywhere at the tan wallpaper covered walls. Most if not all the furniture is made of real wood, which had to either cost a lot or be bought second paw (Nick believes the latter, as he recognizes one or two things he provided).

They enter the living room and Nick keeps a chuckle in. The furniture has been pushed against the walls and a large mattress is set on the floor, covered with a sheet and a lot of pillows. Next to it, they can see a brand new bottle of lube, a pair of kitchen but no protection. Nick had proposed for them to share their medical history beforehand to not have to bother with protection during the act, and he's glad he did. Condoms are nice and all, but going free is simply not the same. And as different species, the risk of pregnancy is zero.

"Please get comfortable, I need to bring all this down here."

"I'll help you out." States Nick, following him, while Judy does the same.

The three of them bring the plates, bottles and glasses back and an awkward silence installs itself.

"Should we sit ?" Asks Judy.

The male Otter nods and they do.

"Where's Octa- Oh, there she is." Smiles Judy.

The female otter is shyly standing near the side of the doorframe and hesitates to go in. With an approving nod from Judy, Nick turns the charming dial to eleven and goes to her.

"Ocatavia, you look beautiful." Not a hint of mockery, his smile is completely genuine as he bows and kisses her paw, making her blush hard.

He takes her paw and lead her to the mattress where they sit down in front of their respective partners.

"You fine honey ?" Whispers the male otter

"I'm a bit warm." She answers fanning herself with her paw.

Judy gives a little giggle and Nick innocently looks at his claws.

Emmitt moves a bit toward a dial on the wall and turns it, dimming the light, before grabbing a remote control and putting on some music on low volume.

Nick recognizes "Help I'm Alive" by Batric and smiles. The otter has good taste.

As the snacks and glasses are passed around, the music is the only thing being heard. Since it's not the first time he found himself in that kind of situation, Nick decides to take it upon himself to lighten the mood.

"Never have I ever..." He begins.

Judy snorts and smile but nods approvingly.

"… Jumped from a roof."

The bunny's the only one to drink. "I was six and it was a dare. Sprained my ankle, didn't even cry." She says smugly. "Never have I ever… Been arrested."

Nick snorts. "You know I was never- Octavia really ?"

The mustelid smiles shamefully. "When I was a teenager, underage drinking. I guess it's my turn ?" She asks. It's been a really long time since the last time she played that game.

Nick smiles and nods.

"Never have I ever… Snuck into a movie."

Both her, Emmitt and Nick drink. "Money was tight." The fox explains.

"Not for us." Smiles the male otter. "We didn't look at the movie much anyway." He states, taking his wife's paw and kissing it before tossing a piece of apple in his mouth. "Never have I ever… Made money by performing on the street."

Nick's the only one to sip. "I know how to juggle, but I mostly got paid when I hit myself in the face with the balls… Never have I ever… Sent someone a dirty pic."

The bunny frowns at him playfully and drinks. "Alright, never have I ever flirted with a teacher."

Nick and Emmitt drink and share a laugh. "I had to bring my grades up somehow." The vulpine grins.

"She was really cute, and I had a bit of a crush. Luckily she turned me down." He says, eyeing his wife who pecks him on the cheek.

"Never have I ever..." Begins Octavia. "Kissed someone of my own gender." All but her drink. "Alright, I feel a bit left out now." She jokes.

"I could solve that problem." Judy smiles cheekily.

"Erh..." She glances at her husband who simply smiles approvingly. "Okay…?"

Judy gives her drink to Nick (who discreetly takes a sip from it, knowing his m- girlfriend is a lightweight) and crawls toward the otter between the two males. Nick catches Emmitt eyeing Judy's rump and winks at him when their gaze meet.

The female otter doesn't back down as they brush lips a first time, then she moves forward and their mouths meet fully. Judy's paw runs down Octavia's neck and she feels the hesitant paws of the otter on her shoulders.

The male vulpine suddenly feels like his pants are a bit too tight, and given how the male otter is shifting his position, so is he.

When they part, the otter blinks hazily while Judy crawls back next to Nick. "Spaghetti !" She whispers to the tod who can't help but snort.

"So, you kissed a male before ?" Nick asks to Emmitt.

The otter nods. "Very drunk and on a dare, but I did." He answers in his usual soft voice, though he is blushing under his fur.

"Never have I ever..." The fox grins devilishly. "Kissed the male partner of one of my friends."

Nick is the only one to drink.

This time, it's only Emmitt who doesn't drink. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with kissing you, Nick." He half jokes.

The vulpine shrugs. "Good, boundaries are important. Remember, the safeword's still albatross. And I apologize in advance if I forget about this specific boundary along the way." He winks at the male otter who simply raises his glass with a knowing look. "But I notice you are not the only one that hasn't taken a drink."

His gaze roams from Judy to Octavia. Seeing that her female counterpart won't make the first move, Judy catches Emmitt's tie and pulls him slowly toward him while keeping her eyes and on his wife. She tenses up but doesn't make a move to stop it when Judy moves forward and capture the otter's lips. As she's a bit taller, she leans on him. The male doesn't expect it and topples backward with a yelp while Judy giggles, ending up sitting on his gut.

"Everything fine down there ?" She smiles.

"Peachy." His glasses are askew and he's smiling goofily.

"Good." She dives down again and feels the otter's shy paws brush her hips hesitantly.

Octavia is watching her husband and Judy making out with wide eyes, and Nick worries that she might not be as into it as he is. The he feels a paw on his tie and leans down toward the female otter that delivers a kind of clumsy (long snouts are hard to get used too) but passionate kiss, that he's glad to replicate, upping the ante a bit by adding some tongue.

Emmitt is enjoying himself. He gives the occasional glance to his wife, making sure she's in the mood. Given how Nick is taking care of her lips, he's reassured that she is. Then he feels a paw run down his collar and slowly unbuttoning his shirt, while the other grabs his glasses, expertly folding them and dropping them near the snacks. Only myopic, the male doubt he'll miss them much for the time being.

"I like your fur." She whisper in his ear. The hair is sleek under her paw, almost silky, completely different to Nick's fluffiness. She can see how adapted it is to swimming.

The otter's paw goes up under her top, and runs on her back. "Yours is nice too." He compliments back.

...

Octavia is thoroughly entranced in Nick's kiss. He goes from her mouth to her neck, playfully nipping at it, and revelling in the light squeak she emits when he does so. His paws are feeling her body through her dress, and she does seem to appreciate the ministration. His thumb find a nipple through the fabric and he slowly rubs it in circle. The moan that gets out of her throat is eloquent and he keeps at it.

With the corner of his eye, he spies Judy grinding against Emmitt who looks overwhelmed, but absolutely not uncomfortable with the situation.

The female otter's brain is so filled with desire, she has to force herself to take slow breaths. Then she feels Nick's paw running up the side of her thigh, inch by inch. It stops midway and she aims a pleading look his way. "Don't stop." She whispers. The fox obliges and soon a paw grabs her rear under her dress. The paw moves around every curve, warming her all over until it finds its way between her thighs. She gasps as the fingers start their caress through the lace of her undergarment. She can't help but to meet it at every stroke, each of them sending jolts of pleasure and lust through her mind.

By now she has buried her face in the croon of his neck, stifling her moan in the tod's fur.

...

"Oh wow." Whisper Emmitt between two kisses. His paws have captured Judy's butt, guiding her movement against his crotch. "I think she's… Enjoying herself." He articulates between two shallow breaths. He can't see her face, but the sounds his wife makes, as well as the way her body move don't leave much space to interpretation.

Judy shuffles and starts unbuttoning her shorts. "Judy, wait." The otter says. "Could I… Could I look at you ?" He asks trying to find his glasses. She grabs them, open them and put them back on his nose with a kiss.

"Of course."

She turns around and finishes to take down the zipper of her shorts. Going slow on purpose, she slides them down, making a show of flexibility while presenting her rump, underlined by the black thong she's wearing. Then she slides her top up, flexing the back muscles she's so proud of as she does so. She throws the two pieces of garments away while turning the top of her body to the side and sending a burning look the otter, offering him the boobs (not she has much of them) and butt (now that is a butt !) pose.

"I feel a bit inadequate now." The otter smile bashfully as Judy goes on all for and aims a predatory look at him, before crawling up to him.

"Don't undersell yourself." She whispers, capturing his lips again, and guiding the male's paw downward, toward the junction of her thighs.

...

Nick feels Octavia melting under his caress, and he's pretty sure that if he keeps at it, she will soon implode under his fingers, not that he minds. Suddenly he feels her paw grab his wrist and push it away, while she makes him rolls from over her. He finds himself with his back against a comfortable pillow, while the otter's paw fumble on his belt bucke.

Not wanting to disappoint, Nick gets up. He knows these pants, and he's not getting out of them while lying down, especially with the hard on he's sporting.

He unbuckles the piece of fake leather, takes down the zipper and his shaft almost jumps out of the piece of clothe, it's tip poking out of his boxers. He's about to pull them down, when he feels a paw cup his balls.

He looks down to see the female otter on her knees, her left paw freeing his member from the slightly wet fabric. The vulpine lets her act, as her tongue slides against the pulsing skin, exploring the form and taste of his manhood. Then he sees her open her maw and take in its tip. Given the size difference between them, he doesn't dare to move forward, fearing to choke her.

He can't help but moan as her paws clasp the bulge of his knot, massaging rhythmically with the movement of her head.

All the while, her gaze, two beautiful emeralds, stay focused on his. His paw moves on its own, and goes to rest on her head, slightly to the side. He guides her movement and gently caresses her cheek.

His gaze wanders to his girlfriend and Octavia's husband, and he notices they are staring at him. The otter's paw is buried in Judy's thong, while she's stroking him through his pants. The both of them seem entranced by the scene playing out before them, which doesn't help Nick keeping it together under Octavia's ministration.

"This is so hot !" Whispers Judy at Emmitt before nipping his ear.

"So, so hot." The otter concurs, sliding his finger deeper inside the bunny, relishing the tremors it induces in her.

The female otter paw explore what she can access of his body, regularly stroking through the fur of his abs, slipping back down on his member.

Nick's eyes wander to her face. That gaze. That goddam gaze, the wide eyes, the playfulness, the want. "Octavia." He whispers with his teeth clenched. "I'm…" He's breath becomes ragged as he tries to hold it in. "If you don't s-s-stop..."

Her paws starts getting quicker and she takes more of him in her mouth.

"Octav- Oh..." He groans in bliss, forcing himself to remain still, while pleasure crashes down on him like a tidal wave. The otter takes in most of his fluid, as he moans loudly and bits on his fist. She slowly licks him clean, lighting a last few sparks in the fox's mind and he slowly leans back, letting himself fall on the pillow behind him.

The otter crawls up to him and gives him a burning kiss in which he can taste himself. It nearly fires him right back up, but he knows he's going to need at least a dozen minutes to come back from that orgasm. His eyes wander on the otter's generous rump as she slides out of her dress and starts crawling toward her husband and Judy.

...

Nick's slow moans and gasps elicit Emmitt into getting bolder. His fingers exit Judy's lips, and grab her laced thong, slowly and sensually pulling it down while the thumb of his other paw rubs a nipple under her bra. With one paw, she helps him to take away the piece of garment and she's soon naked and open in front of the otter.

Emmitt takes in the view with an almost bashful smile, to which the bunny answers with a grin of lust and want.

She's about to also get rid of her bra, when a tongue meets her folds. She moans loudly, as a pair of paw start stroking the inside of her thighs.

Each lick from the otter triggers a twitch in her left leg, and soon she's gripping his head, keeping it buried between her legs.

Her back arches, her mind enraptured in the moment, and her feet cross on the otter's back while she manages to get rid of her bra with shaking paws. A finger slides inside her, rubbing against her walls and a high pitched wimper escapes her lips. Her eyes are fixated on the ceiling, and as her sex addled mind starts thinking this can't get any better, Octavia's face enters her field of vision.

The mustelid starts nibbling at her ear while her paw explore her torso, pausing on her teats as she does so. From the corner of her eye, Judy can see Nick resting against a pair of pillow sporting a grin between gleeful and predatory.

Then Octavia's lips collides with her, and the taste of the female otter mixed with her fox overwhelms her.

She peaks in a cry muffled by the otter's mouth, clutching her paws around her as her back arches so much that she lifts her rump from the mattress. Despite the clear signal of her climax, Emmitt's tongue keeps rubbing agains her button until she's reduced to a whimpering mess.

"Oh… Sweet… Cheese… And… Crackers..." She murmurs as the tremors in her left leg gradually slows down. She looks at her boyfriend who nods toward Octavia while mouthing "Spaghetti".

"Are you okay ?" The male otter asks, crawling up to her and caressing her cheek.

"I could just die right now." She answers with a blissful smile while hugging the pair of otter.

"The evening's not over." Smirk's Nick, back from his post-coital haze.

His pants are down and the only piece of garment he's still wearing is his open shirt. The fox starts crawling toward the trio of mammal, until Octavia shots him a smile between coy and shy, lifting her tail, and revealing herself to him.

The message is clear, and he all but pounces forward, burying his tongue inside her. The female mustelid bites into the sheet, barely stiffling a moan.

Judy powers through the daze and starts helping Emmitt unbuttoning his pants and getting rid of his boxers. Bunnies' recovery time is way shorter than fox's but she didn't thinkg she'd have to get back into it right away. Not that she minds.

She's slightly surprised to see that, though swollen, the male otter's member isn't quite up. With a shameful smile, the mustelid digs into one of his pocket and reveals a packet of blue pill, before taking one and popping it into her mind.

The bunny has to fight really hard to keep to herself the Matrix quote that comes up in her mind.

"Does it bother you if…" Emmitt hesitates, pointing to Octavia. It takes a couple of seconds for Judy to understand. The whole point of the proposition the Ottertons had made to Nick begin with was so that they'd focus their entire attention on the female otter.

"Sure." She smiles, guiding him toward his wife. She already came once, whatever happens next, this evening won't be a waste.

Emmitt approaches his wife and she grabs his member, pulling it toward her mouth. He stifles a moan as she licks his shaft from one end to the other, before engulfing it entirely. Judy, for her part, decides that just because she's not getting tended to, doesn't mean she can't tend to someone else and sticks herself to Emmitt's back, offering him balance while massaging his belly and balls and nipping at his neck.

She hears a whimper of protestation from Octavia when she sees Nick recoiling from her rump and getting up.

The female otter feels a tinge of desperation when the long and agile tongue leaves her folds, giving a last lick to her pearls before parting ways. Then a burning and throbbing member rubs against her and she lifts her rear eagerly, ready to receive him.

The fox's thrust is deliberately slow, stopping midway as he knows of the size difference between them. Octavia twitches and gasps as he enters her for the first time and is glad her husband's own sex wasn't between her lips at that moment, as she's pretty sure it would have sported the print of her teeth.

The fox gives her a second slow thrust while leaning forward. "I'll try to be gentle he whispers."

She mutters something that he can't quite make out and freezes.

"Sorry, what did you-"

"I said don't be." She almost pleads.

His third thrust is packed with more speed if still a bit tentative, as he's testing her limits. The female otter is shaken by the fox's movement and lets go of her husband length. She tries to grab at it again, but is interrupted by a fourth thrust. Emmitt sits in front of her, sliding on his rear to put his member at her level. She runs her mouth on his whole length as Nick's fifth's thrust sends sparks of pleasure in her center.

Judy falls to her knees and place herself next to her female counterpart, with her rear up, facing Nick, sharing Emmitt's member with his wife. The male otter is sprawled on his back, his head resting on a pillow, looking at the pair of female while his paws clutch the sheet.

The fox becomes more daring as he keeps sliding inside the otter. He can feel her burning and wet insides yearning for more of him and he enters her almost fully, his knot colliding with her swollen folds. The groan of pure lust it elicits encourage him and he keeps at it, as she starts to follow his rhythm, meeting him midway at each thrust.

Her tongue movements becomes more erratic as she feels the fox claws on her rump, one of his paw grabbing her tail and rubbing it sensually.

"Harder." she moans, as her pleasure ascends.

Nick's back and forth quickens and she hungrily take all her husbands length again. Judy's nipping at her neck, her paws all over her and her senses are overwhelmed, until Nick's jaw close around her shoulder. She reaches up and bring an arm around the fox's neck to keep him there.

Judy has seen that move before, and it never fails to bring her over the edge. She doesn't feel jealous to see her boyfriend use it on Octavia, if anything, witnessing it gives it a new perspective, and she hopes it will bring the mustelid as much pleasure it usually does her.

Holding the otter, Nick rolls to the side, and his paw slides down her belly, rubbing against her pearl following the same rhythm as his hips.

Octavia's cry and moan turn louder and louder but the fox keeps her pinned against him, his shaft splitting her relentlessly.

"Emmitt-" She whispers, as pleasure devastates her mind.

"Dear ?" He can't take his eye of her. Her thighs open, her whole self in full view and shaken by the raising climax, she's breathtaking.

"Kiss me." She pleads as tears escape her eyes. "Please- Please kiss me."

He rushes forward and cups her cheek, before meeting her lips. He feels the spasm in her jaw, she pulls him closer, burying her face in his neck as a powerful orgasm shakes her.

The fox's moves slow down a bit but the teeth don't leave her shoulder. She feels a movement in is as she notices Judy who has crawled up to her. "Do you remember the safe word ?"

The female otter nods. "Yes, alba-"

The bunny put a finger to her lips. "Only say it if you want him to stop." She winks.

"Stop what ?"

"He's going to knot you. Do you think you can handle it ?"

The simple idea makes her paws tremble but Octavia nods. She can still feel the fox sliding inside her and she wants more of him.

Then the otter feels the teeth bite her tighter and she's pretty sure they drew blood, but before she can react to the pain, Nick dives deep inside her.

She lets out a cry of pain and pleasure mixed, and feels herself quickly rising anew.

"Oh- My-"

She can't finish, as Nick's rhythm suddenly speeds up, going faster than he was before.

Octavia's burning from the inside, each movement pushing her closer to the edge. Nick can feel her rhythmically clench around him, as she's ready to take him fully.

"A-Again… I'm going to-"

She can't finish her sentence as the fox pushes his knot inside her.

The cry of pure ecstasy that escapes her is unlike anything Emmitt ever heard from her before. Once again she buries her face inside the croon of his neck, as she's shaken by spasms of mixed pain from her shoulder and pleasure from her center. She holds onto him almost desperately, as the guardian of the last shreds of her sanity.

She feels herself being filled with Nick's semen, the liquid oozing from her as she goes limp in her husband's arm.

"I love you." she whispers again and again to her husband. "I love you."

"I love you too."

...

"How do you feel ?" Softly asks Nick after a moment

"Amazing and tired… And a bit sore." Octavia answers between two ragged breath.

The fox gives a few licks to her shoulder. His teeth did pierce the skin, but only lightly, and there shouldn't be any long lasting mark.

"We're going to remain stuck like this for a few minutes." He explains, his paw coming around her and enveloping her in a tight hug. "So I hope you're okay with cuddling for a bit."

She doesn't answer and simply rub her back against his torso. This wasn't a real trip into the BDSM realms, but the fox knows she's going to need some tending and comfort after this, something he knows how to provide.

...

Judy's paw wander on Emmitt's body and find his shaft. The otter's still hard and more than ready for some action, but his wife is kind of busy at the moment.

"Let me take care of you." She whispers.

He gives her an intimidated look and lets her push him down on his back. The few time they met, he always seemed a bit more outgoing and confident than his wife, and Judy's a bit surprised to observe that they're role is quite reversed sexually. She wouldn't say that Octavia is anywhere near assertive in that department either, but she can see the slight gap in their demeanor.

"You don't have to-"

She shushes him with a finger and kisses his neck. "I'm only doing what I want to do. I've wanted to do that since I saw you in that shirt, and I'm pretty sure Nick did too." She gives a glance to her boyfriend, his tail now wrapping the female otter while his paw massage her neck. He aims an approving wink at them.

"You're so much cuter than you think you are." She doesn't intend for this to turn into a pep talk, but a compliment is never wasted.

Emmitt's answer dies inside his throat as Judy's lips wrap around his shaft. Using her tongue, she locks it against her palate and vacuum seals her mouth, each move of her head drawing a low gasp from the otter.

One of her paw run up his belly, slides to his shoulder then his arm until it grabs hold of one of his wrist, pulling it down to her head. She makes him close his fingers around her ears, and soon he's helping in the movement, reducing the stress on her neck.

Inch by inch, she pushes him toward the edge, keeping him there for a few seconds, before slowing down and easing the pressure, and then pushing him again. She can feel him squirm under her ministrations, his ragged breath a clear indication that he's enjoying the sweet torture.

With a few last licks, she straightens up and grab his paws, using her weight to bring him above her, while helping him out of his shirt. Splayed on her back, she stirs lasciviously, offering herself to him.

He hesitantly enters her, his paw stroking her chest and shoulders. His movements are slow and gentle, and the bunny closes her eyes. It's a more caring kind of sex than she's used to with Nick. The otter seem to try to caress and kiss every inch of her body as he pushes himself inside her. If she had a rough scale (she does) this would be around 1, while Nick can't seem to get under 3. Which she is absolutely fine with.

His caresses are turning her whole body into an erogenous zone and she can feel herself rising. Her legs cross around his hips and she kisses him passionately. It's not the same climax that swept her a few minutes prior, but she doesn't feel disappointed. That's more of a palate cleaner for the main course.

With a mischievous grin, she wraps her arms around the male otter and rolls, sliding a pillow under his butt to compensate for the size difference, and finding herself on top of him. "Mind if I take the lead ?"

The otter shakes his head with a little smile. Octavia isn't the kind of mammal that often takes the lead, and this is a nice change of pace.

The bunny slides around him and brings his paws on her rump. "I want you to touch me." She says as she starts moving back and forth slowly. Burning lip meet his and he clenches his paw on firm cheeks of her butt. "I want you look at me." She whispers in his ear as she straightens up and then arches back, her paws resting on his knees for support.

Emmitt stares at Judy's body in admiration. The years of physical training sculpted her body to perfection, each lean muscle underlined by bright grey and white fur. His gaze wanders down to her slit, each of her movement revealing his swollen shaft before burying it back inside her. He moves his paws up her thighs, his thumb caressing the wet lips, making her moan in delight.

He's close now, and Judy can feel it, but she's not finished with him. Her paws move and grab his wrist, pinning them above his head. She brushes his lips repeatedly, retreating as he moves forward, nipping at his neck when he flops back down.

She clenches him and releases him, bringing him so close to the edge and denying him mercilessly when he tries to move up to meet her. She turns to Nick to see his knot has been released from Octavia. "Bring her here." She says, and the tod carries the otter to her husband. She lays next him and kisses his neck, then his jaw, to end up on his lips.

Judy lets go of his wrist and lets him embrace his wife, while Nick kisses her in turn. She accelerates her movement, impaling herself deeply when she feels and hears Emmit's release. He moans loudly and kisses Octavia repeatedly until the tremors in his limbs recede.

"I love you." He whispers to the female otter, his head resting in her lap.

"I love you too." She answers lovingly.

Judy frees the otter and hugs Nick. "I was so close." She whispers in his ear.

"I can take care of that." He whispers back, his paw brushing her wet entrance playfully.

"You better."

* * *

Fully clothed, with dark circles around their eyes and satisfied smiles on their faces, four mammals are finishing a late breakfast on a large mattress.

"Thank you for yesterday." Smiles Emmitt.

"And today." Octavia smiles, pointing at the clock.

"The pleasure was all… Shared." Nick answers, biting into a toast.

"Ditto." Judy ads, sipping on her tea.

Nick gulps his glass of orange juice. He didn't take a coffee that morning as he intends to go for a nap as soon as he gets home. He's always had trouble sleeping outside of his own bed, and they didn't try do a lot of resting that night anyway.

They help bring back the plates and cup to the kitchen, but the Ottertons refuse to let them help clean the room. It's their job as host to take care of the 'guest room'.

"I hope you had fun." Nick grins.

"Oh, yes… I had a lot of fun." Octavia answers, resting her head against her husband's shoulder. "What about you dear ?"

"It was fantastic." He confirms. "Thank you for this."

"No, thank you. I've been looking forward to it for so long, I was worried to be overhyped, but I wasn't." States Nick. "And you Carrots ?"

"Perfect. Simply perfect. Could we… Do it again sometimes ?" She asks a bit bashfully.

"Yes please." Blurts the female otter before turning to her husband. "If it's okay with you."

"Of course ! I would love to !" He smiles, accompanying his guests toward the door.

Octavia moves to Nick to give him a peck on the cheek as a good bye. "Oh, what the hell." She mutters, putting herself on the tip of her feet and going for his lips instead, before doing the same for Judy.

Emmitt hesitates his gaze going from Nick to Judy. The tod shrugs and smile. He won't get offended if his girlfriend gets a kiss and he doesn't. She's then surprised when the male otter goes to him first and give him a curt kiss. "Maybe next time we could… Try something..." He mutters shyly, not meeting the fox's gaze.

"Only if you want to." Nick answers patting his shoulder.

Emmitt nods and gives a kiss to Judy.

The fox and bunny step outside with a last wave, yhe door closing behind them.

"Spaghetti." Nick whispers to Judy as they walk off.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this was a bit clumsy. I just had to try and shove some character building in there. Hope you managed to get through that cringefest...
> 
> You know what's funny ? I'm not into furry porn all that much (Hard to believe, I know), but I had a lot of fun writing this.


	5. Free the Elephant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back !  
> Or am I ?  
>  **READ BEFORE READING. WAIT... NO. YES. DOES THIS MAKE SENSE ?**  
>  **ANYWAY :**  
>  This story is heavily inspired (read : complete rip off) of the clip from **Cage The Elephant's "Shake me Down"** song. So if you want to enjoy this fic there are two things that are rather mandatory :  
>  **\- Listening to the song BUT NOT WATCHING THE CLIP IF YOU DON'T WANNA GET SPOILED.**  
>  **\- Having read my other fic "The Weight of the Years", as this is a kind of spin off/sequel.**  
>  In any case here goes :  
> (I'm sorry)

**Free the Elephant**

The cold breeze of the early morning shakes the shutter, the noise it produce muted by the double-panel window. A few drops of water fall from the sky as the alarm clock buzzes.

_Shake me down, not a lot of people left around_

Joan Pennington, a sixty-two years old elephant, stretches out her limbs and reaches with her wrinkled trunk for the alarm clock to turn it off, before grabbing her glasses from the nightstand. She slides them on and slips into her bathrobe, directing herself toward the bathroom.

She looks at her old face, her left tusk with an old crack, the thin scar over left by a stupid lumber accident over her right eye. She opens a drawer and pulls the pills for heart, little things she has to swallow twice everyday. A habit she took a few years ago after her first and only heart attack.

_Who knows now? Softly laying on the ground_

Back inside her bedroom, she throws on a pair of large sweat pants, as well as a whit t-shirt and a light vest.

Before leaving the room, she stops near the chest of drawers, her eyes lingering on a few photos. Old departed friends, estranged family.

One one of them, Judy and Nick, her old bosses, wearing the Meadowland Park Ranger Department uniforms, are sitting on the main building’s sofa. She’s leaning against him and paperwork is scattered around them. The both of them are laughing, probably because of one of the tod’s old jokes.

She reaches for her favourite, a worn picture she printed herself, of her with her husband, Finnick, a fennec fox, standing on her shoulder with a wide grin. He’s wearing shorts and a tank top. She could never get him to ever wear anything else, but he looked so good in them anyway…

_Not a lot of people left around_

She opens the door and walks toward the living room, the faint sound of the TV coming to her ears. Once again, her son, Ryan Pennington, a small (actually now rather large and lumbering) elephant they adopted about thirty-five years ago with her husband is snoring away in front of the screen, slumped on the sofa.

Once again, their late night discussions had him staying there instead of the old trailer he installed himself in when he reached 18. Not that she complains, she loves having him around.

She takes one of the blanket laying around and tucks him in, hoping he won’t forget he’s supposed to meet his girlfriend (trunk crossed, it will hold this time) in sahara square for lunch.

Well, she’ll send him a text later to remind him. Just in case.

_In my life I have seen people walk into the sea_

Joan exits the building that used to be a dependency for the MPRD. It still looks about to collapse, but she knows the fixing made by her departed colleagues, Duke and Herbert, was made to hold. They remade the interior to fit her, and it has now only one level instead of the two it used to have. A new building has been built next to it a couple of decade ago to house the new rangers.

The elephant is up early though, and she knows they’re all still sleeping.

If they still are when she’ll be back, she’ll trumpet them up herself.

Blinking she grips her left arm. The pain is only intermittent now, thanks to the pills. She remembers a time when it sent her to her knees.

_Just to find memories plagued by constant misery_

With a thin smile, the pachyderm starts jogging. Or rather, walking briskly. She’s surprised to see a few flakes of snow fly down from the sky. As she moves, she directs herself to the blue north trail, Nick’s favourite. She hasn’t walked it in months, but with the golden leaves of the late fall, she knows it’ll be beautiful.

_Their eyes cast down, fixed upon the ground_

The trail is steeper than she remembers, then again, her old bones aren’t doing her any favour. She notes that the markings are getting worn and that she should be remade soon. If she had her equipment she’d do it herself.

She’ll do it next week, it’s not as if they were about to vanish.

_Their eyes cast down_

A screeching sound stops her and she lifts her eyes, to see a bird flying over the canopy. She’s pretty sure it’s an eagle, but she can’t be certain. Like her, her glasses are starting to get old.

Soon, and even sooner than she thought she would, she reaches the Old Oak’s hill.

_I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun_

Taking her breath, she starts rounding it. The tree looks larger than in her memory, and the more she approaches, the more it seems to grow.

As she reaches the place were the steps used to be, she realises they are now large enough for her. The pachyderm hesitates and put her hoof on the first one. Then she starts climbing.

_Shake me down, cut my hair on a silver cloud_

The way up is long and hard. Her left arm hurts as she progresses. Despite this, she can’t help but smile. She could never get up there, and always hoped she could someday. Nick, Judy, Finnick, all of them told her how the world looked beautiful from above the trees.

_Broken sound, softly laying on the ground_

Her breath is ragged as she haul herself on the wooden platform. Someone ended building a small cabin up there, careful not damage the three as they did so. As a result, the branches enter and exit the walls in a very strange manner.

But what really makes it strange, is that the ceiling is large enough for her to stand.

_Ooh not a lot of people left around_

The inside of the cabin is a simple room with blanket and pillows scattered on the floor. She recognizes Nick’s old turntable between some books and magazines. She puts on a Louis Ramstrong disk that is laying around and it starts playing. Despite the music, the place seems a bit strange to her, she feels like she already came her before.

_In my past, bittersweet, there's no love between the sheets_

There’s chest in the corner of the room and she opens it to find trinkets, toys, a pink dress that she recognizes. She used to wear it when she was a kid, when she went to school. She remembers the time she fell and scrapped her knee, the time her mother, Francine, bought her a jumbo pop to comfort her.

_Taste the blood, broken dreams, lonely times indeed_

She sees the small police uniform she used to wear as a disguise, she sees the fake plastic gun she had lost years ago.

She remembers the first time her father got shot and sent to the hospital in the line of duty, how she threw away the toy, never wanting to see it again.

_With eyes cast down, fixed upon the ground, with eyes cast down_

Stumbling back from the chest haphazardly, she looks around the room. The wall look like they are moving, rearranging themselves, she’s not even sure she’s in a cabin anymore.

She can hear the cars and noises of the city coming from above. She runs for the door and opens it, finding herself in the ZUG, at the Haymarket metro stop.

_I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun_

Joan runs out of the underground hallway, finding herself in empty streets. In front of her, she sees the mammal that greeted her when she came here for the first time. A light brown fennec fox is pulling on a cigarette, freezing as he sees her, a hesitant smile on his face.

He takes a few steps and hops on her shoulder with amazing accuracy, his fur brushing her cheek.

She closes her eyes at the contact, at the feeling she hasn’t felt for years.

_Turn back now, it's time for me to let go_

Her eyes open again and she finds herself in the living room of her childhood’s home.

Her mother is crying and her father is screaming at her, but the voices are muted. She knows that fight, she knows what brought it up. The first step toward a future she could choose.

She takes a step back and falls.

_Way down, had to find a place to lay low_

She lands on her back, in strong arms. She looks up and sees her father grinning at her. They’re in the living room again, splayed on the sofa, watching a movie. Her mother is bringing a TV platter for them to enjoy.

They scoot aside to leave her space to sit.

_Lamp shade, turned around into a light post_

The screen is bright in front of her and she sees herself, young, smiling, with Finnick sitting at a table in front of her.

They are at an expensive restaurant and the pachyderm feels flustered. She knows how that evening ended, and hasn’t thought about it in a while.

She sees her trunk reach for his cheek and brushes it seductively before blushing hard. She used to be so shy and awkward...

_Walk around the corner, never saw it coming, still_

She moves forward, trying to enter the scene. She wants to talk to her young version, she wants to tell her she’s doing okay.

_I try to make a move it almost stopped me from belief_

The screen blocks her way and she punches it. It breaks into shards of glass, a kaleidoscope of colours sending flashes of memory inside her mind. Joy, sadness, anger, pain, happiness.

_I don't want to know the future, I'm like Rolling Thunder_

The leaves are flying around her, mixing themselves with the shards of memory. The flakes of snow are dancing, and she feels like she’s dancing and falling with them.

_Even on a cloudy day_

She reaches for the cabin door and opens it. A white light fills her field of vision as she steps outside.

_Even on a cloudy day_

She feels likes she’s pushing her way through the branches, the fern and the vines of the forest.

_Even on a cloudy day_

She stumbles forward and falls to her knees.

_Even on a cloudy day_

It’s night now, the stars are bright above her. She blinks again as she discovers she’s back on the oak tree hill.

_Even on a cloudy day_

At the foot, she can see a large crowd of various mammals. Predators, preys, unknown faces, friends, family.

_Even on a cloudy day_

Two large elephant walk toward her. Her mother and father help her up with smiling faces before pushing her toward the crowd downhill.

_Even on a cloudy day_

Judy’s here, she looks so old with her paw on Nick’s arm as she waves at her. She looks so young when Nick grabs her arm and run with her at Joan, before pulling the elephant cheerily forward, toward the other mammals.

_I'll keep my eyes fixed on the-_

Herbert is here too and smiles at her, on his shoulder, she recognizes Duke, who gives her a wink and a thumbs up.

_I'll keep my eyes fixed on the-_

Finnick pushes his way through the crowd. He’s wearing his eternal tank top and kaki shorts. He starts toward her and leaps. She grabs him mid-air and clutches him against her chest.

_I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun_

“You took your sweet time, Trunks.” He whispers. “I’m glad.”

_Shake me down, not a lot of people left around_

Ryan Pennington wakes up. He’s so used to wake up after falling asleep in front of the TV at his mother’s with a blanket on he’s surprised not to find one this time.

He scratches the back of his head and gets up. He should take a shower and prepare himself for his date before being late. Then a faint sound catches his ears. His mother’s alarm clock is blaring. Checking the time on his phone, he realises it’s still fairly earily.

The elephant makes his way toward the bedroom and knocks a couple of times, opening the room as he receives no answers.

His mother is still sleeping, and he stops the alarm clock, before sitting next to her.

“Mom ?”

He shakes her lightly, but she doesn’t move. With dread, his puts his trunk to her cheek and finds her cold.

Tears fills his eyes as realisation hits him.

“M-mom ?”

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this today in about two hours, so I know there will be typos and error and stuff and I'm sorry, 'cause I proofread but I KNOW I missed stuff. I had to get it out of my head.  
> I had the idea of writing this around the time I was finishing WOTY, but I wasn't sure which protagonist use. Then, the name of the band made it obvious. I hope you enjoyed it... Well... I'm not sure 'enjoy' is the right word, 'cause there won't be a fake out this time, but you know... I hope it was nice.  
> In other news, I finally had two weeks of vacation that I spent driving around seeing friends, family, getting tired and generally not writing at all.  
> Expect a new long running series in the next 6 months (optmistically, I was going to say 3, but I'd rather not disappoint you all...)  
> Have a good day.


	6. Deep Adaptation

_Recently, I read Deep Adaptation. A report on the state of the planet and on how fucked we are._

_It resulted in this._

_There won't be a fake out, nor a happy ending. **BE WARNED !**_

_Trigger warnings : Suicide, anthropophagy._

_**I advise you neither to read this, nor the document that inspired it.** _

* * *

**Deep Adaptation**

It started innocuously. There was less food in the supermarket, our baskets were less full for the same amount of money. It started to be a bit hard to find meat on the shelves.

My bunny didn't really notice of course, she was so focused on work, so set in making the word a better place.

She never notice how much of a better place she made my world by standing in it of course, and I never told her. Not in so many world. I like to think I made her know by my actions, by the kisses in her neck, the nuzzling when we hugged, the… Well, by everything. But not with words. I've always been shit at words, when they were genuine.

It started innocuously. There was less trust between neighbours, less small talk in the wings of supermarkets, less mammals in each other's vital space.

Environmentalist had warned us for years. Climate change, fossile fuel, CO2. We didn't listen. As Big said to me once, we're still animals. Individually, we're clever. 9 billions of us… We get kind of short sighted.

It started innocuously, until it didn't. Global shortage of meat in the city, and substitutes getting scarce. Of course, I was used to bugs, but even that started to be hard to find. Then the first recorded case happened. It hit so close to home I bawled my eyes out in one of the precinct's closet for close to an hour. Judy wasn't faring much better.

They found a bunch of dead bunnies. The guy had salted and smoked them, and sold some to his neighbours. Of course, they pretended not to know, but as I learned later, bunny has a very specific kind of taste.

Then shit hit the fan, flinging it everywhere in the city. Riots, killings. Predators lynched, prey hunted. The police was losing its footing, because, of course, some switched side. Put a firearm in a starved predator's paw, and guess what happens ?

We had a couple of close calls, after which I begged Judy to leave the city. Of course, that stubborn bunny was having none of it.

It almost made me glad for what happened next. For the last picture I saw on the internet before it went dark. A picture of a sow with an apple in her mouth. I remember seeing a pink dress and a red vest in the fire that was cooking her.

The mayor had fallen, and so had the city.

At least, the captain didn't leave the sinking ship.

Mammals could've thought the preds turning on the prey would get the latter to ally against the former, but with the riots, even their own food was getting hard to come by. They were fighting among themselves for scraps as much as they were trying to resist the onslaught of fanged psychos.

I remember my phone ringing soon after, as Judy and I were bunched into our flat, keeping away from the windows. Or more precisely, me trying to keep her pinned down as she was begging me to let her get out there to help.

A bunny, alone, out there. She would have ended on a spit in minutes.

"Lemme get in."

Finnick's voice. I had never been so glad to hear that little paranoid's voice. That calmed Judy down for a bit, hearing a friendly voice. I ringed him up, and got a punch to the snout as soon as he appeared.

"The fuck are you doin' ? Ya didn't even check the intercom's camera ! I had to slalom between mobs to get there and ya just-"

"I knew it was you." I answered.

"Yeah ? How d'ya know I wasn't with a few friends comin' for bun meat ?"

I opened my mouth and closed it. I didn't. That mistake could've cost me a lot.

"Okay, buddy. Lesson learned. What are you doing here ?"

"We're leavin'."

"What ?" Reacted my bunny. "No we're not ! The city needs our-"

"There ain't city anymore. There ain't no internet. Honey was runnin' the simulation right before it went down. This ain't gettin' better. Not until… Not fer long. This place is a death trap. Guys, we need to split !"

I couldn't agree more with the half-pint, but Judy was still having second thought. "We can't ! What about the citizens ? What about our-"

"The police is half predators, so's the army. This is chaos, bunny. There ain't no helping !"

"What if we went to Big ?"

My thought came to a halt. Judy always hated asking for help to the mob boss, not that he ever asked for reimbursement to his favours to her. If she went that far, she had to be desperate. And of course, the world had to dump a scoop of shit on top of it.

"Dontcha get it ? Big's dead ! His bears are runnin' Tundratown ! And soon, they'll take over the city ! We need to leave now ! We're on the verge of a war no one will win !"

"And where's Honey ?" I asked. "Is she meeting us out of the city ?"

Finnick was always a hard fox to read. Nevertheless, there was agony in his eyes when he shook his head. There was no need to say more. No internet meant no life for that schizo girl.

There was always a fire in Judy's eyes, something ready to tear the whole world down to rebuild it if need be. It's the second time I saw it falter. It felt worst than the first. She didn't say anything as she filled her backpack, and neither did I. We took the last remnants of her food, and hopped on the bikes Finnick had stolen from the spirits knew were and brought in his van.

We took the back roads, but even there, we had to avoid a couple of groups. Prey and predator raiders. Desperate mammals. Some died from our bullets, some fled. Some, we had to flee from.

* * *

The first time I met the Hopps family, I was welcome with distrust and scorn by her father, and wariness from her mother. All subsequent times were fairly pleasant, them turning more and more agreeable each time it happened.

Of course, I wasn't expecting the barbed wires around their property. I wasn't expecting the shotgun to my snout. But I certainly was expecting Judy to hesitate to place herself between it and me. Sh didn't. That bunny lacked the capacity to disappoint me.

"Dad ! What are you doing ?"

"I don't want predators on my property."

"It's Nick ! You know you can trust him."

"Do I know that ?" He spat. "Because he's your friend ? Civilisation is falling."

"Would you have acted like this toward Gideon ?"

Sensible topic. Gideon was almost part of the family up to know. It seems that the Hopps tend to treat their work partner that way in the long run. I saw the buck's eyes narrow at the mention of his name, and it didn't take long for me to understand it was a mistake to even utter it.

"That conniving piece of trash ? If it was him, I'd already have shot." He seethed.

"Wh-what ? No ! He'd… What did he do ?"

"Why don't you ask that to Angelica, to Mary, to Carson !"

Her face paled under her fur. She didn't need to ask that question. "Where… Where are they ?"

"Eaten." He dropped the word like a ten ton bomb.

She cried. She bawled. She screamed. I expected her to tell us to leave, and I won't say I would have been fine with it. But she fought. She argued. She begged. I never expected her to fall to her knees in front of everyone. She did, for me.

I got a shack, at the far end of their property. Finnick was fine with the arrangement, not so much with the noise we made once in a while. Her family was never really happy about us being an item, it got somewhat worse. Once or twice, I saw her sporting bruises and scraps. I would have intervened, of course, but the offending parties always fared worse. Plus, I could have been banished, and that would have meant her leaving with me.

Leaving a safe place to get back on the road.

Never.

* * *

Five months. Things went fine for total of five months.

We had food, I learnt to hunt, and so did Finnick. Was it in our blood ? Or our genes as had posed the specists once ? Was it desperation ?

We could feel ourselves getting weaker. My coat was less shiny, more brittle. We were losing weight, and Finnick's mood swings were getting worse than ever.

Finn made a bow for me and a slingshot for himself. We found lizards and birds. It was never really enough to meet the protein needs, but we got by.

Let me tell you, I got pretty amazing with a bow. I was Robin fucking Hood.

There were a few bums and raiders coming around of course. Prey that wanted to take the little the Hopps could produce in the impossibly hot summer. Predators that wanted to take them to… yeah.

It was mostly Judy, Finn and me that drove them off. I think he took out all his frustration on them, and I'm pretty sure the one he hunted in the wood, he didn't leave their corpse intact.

Judy was fierce too, spear in her hand. My goddess of battle. She never liked killing, but to protect her family, she didn't hesitate much. And the fighting, I could tell she enjoyed. It was an outlet, a release. And the nights of craze we spent afterwards… I'll never forget them. Sex is so much better after a dance with death.

At some point, the farm got a reputation of being fiercely protected, and that got us peace.

So we had peace. We had food.

Well, the prey had food. We lacked it, despite our hunting. Sometimes, when we helped in the fields, I could feel my mouth watering at the sight of a bunny rump. Kits playing around me was enough to trigger an animalistic part of my brain.

But it was fine. I was fine.

Then winter came and I wasn't.

Disappeared were the birds, gone were the lizards. Dried tofu and canned red beans were all we had, and we didn't have much of it.

Have you ever had an urge you had to suppress ? The female you're crushing on grinding against you in the dead hours of the night after a big party, because she's piss drunk ? You being tipsy and not a complete master of yourself, sporting a semi ? Have you ever had that girl throw away her shirt and ask you if you thought her boobs were big enough, asking you to check by touching them ?

Resisting that primal sexual urge, my friends, is a fucking walk in the park.

Kill. Eat. Kill. Eat. KILL ! EAT !

Those are the messages my brain were sending me. Constantly.

I had all the vegetables I needed, and I was starving for protein. And so was Finnick.

In hindsight, I should have seen it coming.

Mood swing, empty eyes… He worked himself ragged everyday, just because it made him numb. I should have seen him coming, but it's a lie.

I had seen him coming.

Honey was to him what Judy was to me.

Finnick has always been a fuck up. He was drug addict when we met, got clean because he knew I needed him. He almost relapsed when I got into the ZPD and left him to hustle alone, and that's how he got with honey. Honey, that mad badger. Honey, the mammal that would always need him. Honey, and their unhealthy fucked up abusive rotting corpse of a relationship they both clinged to. That formless thing that made them so happy. Poster children for codependence.

I saw it coming.

The gunshot shook the whole farm. That wasn't the 9mm I had left with. That was the Hopps' patriarch shotgun. It took me about five seconds to piece it together when I found him behind a giant oak tree that marked the limit between two of the fields. I knew it wasn't a bunny before I even saw him. Charred bunny meat has a very recognizable smell. The only thing that remained of his face was his lower jaw, swinging loosely by a tendon.

No note. No testament.

I didn't vomit, I didn't cry, I didn't scream. Judy did it for the both of us.

I took the corpse, put it on a tarp, and told I was going to bury it.

I should have seen it coming, Fennec meat tasted awful.

Dried, it lasted me a whole month.

Only when I ate the last bit of his scrawny body, did I manage to cry.

* * *

On a pragmatical point of view, the last part of the winter was the best thing that could have happened to me.

By that time, Judy was living with me full time. She knew I had taken the loss of Finnick badly, and she ever guessed how close I was to follow in his footsteps.

She stayed with me. She cared for me. The "Kill ! Eat !" urge was still there, but buried under so many layers of love that I wasn't worried for her. I still kept the fangs to myself during… Whatever we did. You don't poke a sleeping fox with a stick.

We sill had neighbours, prey the Hopps traded with. I'll always suspect it was an attempt to wipe the Hopps out, to take their land and their food. Sending a sick bunny during a trade to infect them. Myxomatosis hit us hard. And with the absence of doctors on the farm, and the impossibility to get medical help, it quickly turned to deadly.

Thanks to staying with me, Judy didn't get that dreadful sickness.

The house got into quarantine, the bunnies isolated themselves, dying one after the other. Somehow, thanks to luck, her parents didn't get infected.

That's when Bonnie called for me. She wanted to talk, and so, I came to talk. No bunny, aside from Judy, accepted to be one on one with me anymore. I was surprised to meet with her alone in one of their rooms.

The place was empty, short of a table, a sheet, and the dead form of a bunny under it.

"What is it, Bonnie ?" I asked, somewhat sheepishly. I knew that for whatever reason, some of the bunnies blamed me for the epidemic. Why ? I couldn't really say. They probably needed someone to blame, I was the only fox on the property.

She pulled the sheet to show a dead kit. It wrung my stomach. And the urge screamed EAT !

"Food."

My eyes shot up to her and I took a step back.

"No. No. Don't."

"Nick, you've been nothing but helpful and civil. No predator I know… No mammal I know have your restraint. And look at you. You're starving yourself."

Each word that came out of her mouth was pushed with the strength of despair. This is the Hopps willpower for you. The will to make good out of a bad situation.

"Don't say it." I whispered. "Don't you say another word." I wished she wouldn't pop the lid of the pandora box. She blew it to the sky.

"We're going to have to burn their corpses either way."

"Bonnie, it's your kit !" I protested.

"And I wish she was still alive !" She cried. "I so wish she was ! But she isn't ! And… And if you use our dead, then, you'll never have to k-kill any of us to eat."

That's when I understood. It wasn't kindness. It wasn't a gift. It was survival. The big bad fox was sated, and helped them protect their farm.

That was fair deal. And awful one. One that I took.

I became the undertaker, and their doctor, that took care of their sicks, that distributed the makeshift medication. I did the best I could with the little I had, but they couldn't take the risk of it spreading further. And the healthy ones staying away from the sick ones was the thing to do. They had no hazmat suits after all.

I cared for all of them. Learned all their names. The older ones knew what was going to happen after they died. Some screamed, some cried. Some tried to fight me, as feeble as they were.

The worst were the ones that accepted it. They told me they were okay with it. I'd protect the one that would survive. Their body would find a use. In death, they would still be with their family.

I got strong again, feasting on bunny meat and self-hate. About a hundred bunnies kicked the bucket before they contained the epidemic.

There was a barn, not so far from my shack. Soon, it was filled with smoked and dried bunny meat. Judy knew, of course, and pretended not to. I never ate it in front of her. She told me once she didn't mind seeing me eating meat, it was true once ago. Never again.

One hundred dead bunny. A lifetime of meat. To each, I attached their name. I would know who I was eating. I would live in their name.

And their family was going to be safe from me.

At last, Judy was safe from me.

* * *

And safe from me, the Hopps remained.

From the outside world… Not so much.

They came a first time. A large group, wolves and bears and tigers. Ten of them, relatively malnourished. Not enough to wipe the Hopps out, but enough to make serious damage.

They asked to see the leader, remaining at the door of our feeble fortress. I never liked the calm ones. The ones that knew what they were doing. They always had a plan, a game.

Stu addressed them with respect, though all could see in the stiffness of his posture, how scared he was of the scarred tiger that was leading the strangers.

"You're Judy Hopps !" Their chief reacted, instead of answering to our own leader.

"I am." Judy confirmed, spear in paw.

"I want you to know I had a deep respect for you when the city was still standing."

"What remains of it ?" She asked. "Do you know ?"

"Ruins. Corpses. The ones that still live here… Crazies, madmammals, dreamers with senseless hopes." He answered, with haunted eyes.

Bogo, Wolford, Clawhauser... all the mammals we left behind in our fleeing. I had barely thought about them before that moment. How many of them died ? How many of them turned on each other ?

The next word that came out of his mouth… He didn't like saying them, and nor did we like hearing them. But I know what type of choice a leader needs to make for his pack. It's them before the others. And we were the others.

"I'll make you the offer I did all the others. We're predators, we need meat. You are meat. All we need is fifteen of you and we'll be on our way."

"No."

The tiger didn't look surprised. Instead, his posture turned to threatening. "You can willingly give fifteen of yours, or we will take everyone. Give us your olds or your sicks, it doesn't matter. Then we'll be on our way."

"Do you think we've worked this hard just to let you take us to the slaughter ? We aren't cattle, we aren't your food." Judy spat with righteous fury. "Leave now, before we make you."

"What about him ?" He asked, pointing at me. "What do you feed him ?"

"I hunt." I simply answered, knowing full well he was seeing through that lie.

His eyes bore holes into me. I knew that if violence occurred, he wouldn't spare me. A traitor to my kind, he saw me. Whatever principle remained in the world, those were the ones he abided by. Predators sticked together.

"I'll give you one hour to decide who you give us." He rumbled, before turning away. I saw bows being drawn, arrows being pulled.

"Wait !" An out. I had an out, for all of them. No blood would have to be shed. No suffering would have to occur. "Maybe we can bargain."

This mistake I made… Some mammals have ideas on their own, some find the sparks in what they see. I was the one that lit the fire. The Hoppses accepted the predator to enter their territory, on the condition for him to be bound and blindfolded. That he accepted made me fear him even more. I showed him my barn, my food reserve.

"Take half of it." I proposed. "It's more than fifteen bunnies."

I saw the spark. I saw it occur. I only recognised it in hindsight.

"I need to talk to my soldiers." He answered, and we brought him back to them.

They councilled for half an hour, away from our gates.

"I don't like this." I said to Judy.

"Me neither." She answered.

When their chief came back with a glint in his eyes, he addressed me directly. Have you ever been in a pandora box situation ? Getting one open for you is a strange feeling. It's hard to cope. It's hard to accept. It's nothing compared to opening one for someone else. Especially when your loved ones pay the price.

"We'll take the deal."

I would have to ration myself, hunt more. It was fine. We loaded half of my stock on a cart and gave it to them.

"It's a nice little piece of heaven you got there." Some might have thought he was talking to Stu, but I knew he was talking to me.

Once again, I refused to listen to my guts. I knew they would be back. I would have been back.

\- x -

We were happy again for a time. No outside threat appeared for a few months after that.

We started to think we were safe, that the worst was behind us, that this quiet life would last.

How wrong were we.

It was dinner when it happened. At least once a months, we all ate together. The Hopps matriarch cooked, the bunnies sang old songs that reminded us of a time where things like electricity or running water were still a thing.

"I love you." My bunny told me.

"I love you too." I answered.

Then gunshots pierced the night, and six of the Hopps fell. "Attack !" Screamed Stu, before a bullet caught him in the chest and sent him flying against a wall.

Hell broke loose. Bunnies started running around as shot picked them one by one. Then the predators came, the scarred tiger leading them. "Don't kill them all !" he shouted. "We need them alive ! Especially the female and children !"

We tried to fight them off, but we couldn't get organized. If they had only been the ten we had seen last time, maybe we could have done it, but they were more than two dozens. We fought with what we had on us. Knives, forks, chairs. I always had my gun to my belt, but even that wasn't enough. We were losing. Then I heard a scream of pain, and saw Judy pinned down by a wolf. My vision turned to red and I rushed him.

\- 1 -

I woke up in the forest, Judy dragging me to safety with one arm, while the other held my gun toward the directiong we came from. She was limping, struggling to remain standing. Her leg had been clawed badly.

"Where am I ? What happened ?"

She didn't answer, and she didn't need to. I stood up and tried to hug her, only to see that my left arm was broken. Using a branch and half of my shirt, we made a sling. Then I bandaged her leg the best I could, using my canid saliva as antiseptic.

We needed to keep moving, they could be on us at any moment. We walked for miles and miles, too scared to try to find a settlement, until we found ourselves so deep in the woods that we didn't know where we were.

As we kept walking, surviving on roots and berries, I noticed that her limp was getting worse, and her fever was getting higher.

"We should try to find a city. Or a settlement." I said. To that, she answered with a smile and a nod. "We could find some medecine."

Two days later, she couldn't walk. One day later, I couldn't carry her. We fell as I was trying to get up a slope, and I managed to shield her from hurting herself by landing under her.

"Judy ?" I called. "Judy, talk to me !"

"I'm here, Nick." She said in a weak voice. I looked at her leg, and got a whiff of the smell we bother pretended wasn't there.

"I know. I know you are."

"N-Nick… I won't… I think I'm dying."

"No… No don't do this to me ! You're strong, you're so strong ! You're stronger than I ever was."

She reached up with her paw, caressing my cheek and I grabbed it to keep it there. Just her and me. Forever. It was the deal, wasn't it ?

"I'm s-sorry. I don't think I'm gonna make it."

"Y-you stay there !" I panicked. "Don't you move ! I'll find help ! I'll- I'll dial 911 ! The ZPD will come ! Clawhauser ! O-officer down ! Anyone !" I shouted to the canopy. "Anyone ! Please ! Please…" I sobbed, my tears burning my face.

"Nick… Tell me… Please… Did… Did I make the world a better place ?"

I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my lips. "Of course ! Of course you did. You made the world better only by standing in it ! Don't go ! Please ! You… You made my world a better place !"

"Then… I'm… Glad… Nick, I love you…"

"In this life and the next." I cried, repeating the vows we told each other a lifetime ago.

"In this… Life… And the nex-" Her voice died in her throat, and I felt my soul lave with it. My chest was crushed, my strength drained.

I watched over her for I don't know how long. I was glad the hunger gnawing at me didn't manifest itself.

And here I am, kneeling next to her, my gun in my paw. There's only one bullet left in it, the last laugh the universe will have one me. I sit next to her, and pull her into my arms, cradling her limp body, feeling the weight of the weapon in my paw.

"In this life and the next." I whisper.

**The End**

* * *

_Here we are. I'm sorry if it was hard to read. You can trust it was hard to me to write. The only reason I managed not to cry while I doing so, is because I was at work._

_I apologise for the low quality, it just came out of my brain in les than five hours. And I had to rewrite the ending to find it 'satisfying'._


	7. The One They Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again !
> 
> This is a small thing I've been working on for a couple of days, and I'm hppy with how it turned out.
> 
> It was supposed to be a fluff piece, and it is, at least to me.
> 
> It's set in a parallel AU to Deep Adaptation, but it's not its 'good ending'. It's just another path.
> 
> Anyway, happy reading.

_**The One They Found** _

"Mom, mom ?"

I'm attaching the head of an arrow to its shaft thanks to a piece of string when I hear my son calling me. "Yes dear, what is it ?" I ask the small sand colored vulpine that is tugging on my threadbare trousers.

"Are you my real mom ?"

My gaze roams toward the horizon as I bit my lower lip. I had expected that question sooner or later. Looking around, I try to find a good allegory, or a whimsical answer I could give to buy some time. Near the field, Nick is teaching young bunnies how to use slingshots, aiming at the old oak tree. My old family estate estate, burnt and rebuilt, houses only a few bunnies now, but it's still better than when we took it back a few years ago.

"Mom ?"

"Sorry… I was just thinking about the answer. Why are you asking me this ?"

"Because… I don't look like you or dad. And Aunty Angie had her second litter and they all look like her or uncle Ethan. And my ears, they aren't like dad's or-"

With a sigh, I ruffle the fur on the top of his head. "It's true that I didn't birth you, son, but I'm still your real mom. And Nick's your real dad, don't doubt that."

"I didn't mean it like that." He says with a contrite expression. "But if I didn't come out of you, then… Where do I come from ?"

"We… Found you. A long time ago."

"You found me ? How ?"

I put down my arrow wishing I had a couple more years to prepare the answer. At least, he came to me and not Nick. He'd have either been really evasive, or would have outright dodged the question.

"As I told you, it was a long time ago..."

* * *

"I'm hungry."

I rolled my eyes as I got up from the place we spent the night. It feels like the thousand time I heard it, and it might have been. But I didn't really care. The goal wasn't the food or to complain. Despite the months on the road, or the horrors we saw, it was his way of reminding me he was still the same. Liked to complain, to tease, and generally be a pain in my tail.

"Hi hungry, I'm Judy." I grinned.

"Hey, no fair ! I'm the one supposed to make the bad jokes."

"So that's a bad joke now ?" I giggled. "I remember you saying dad jokes were the pinnacle of humour, and that it made you the life of the party."

"It is, when I'm the on making them." He chuckled, before kissing my neck, as he helped me get up. My knee was pretty much healed now, and we had been lucky to stumble upon that group of generous otters when we ran from the farm. I could tell a couple of them wished I'd kick the bucket and end up in their cellar, but I doubt bunny meat would have really suited their dietary needs. It cost Nick to leave me to them as he went to hunt to repay their kindness, but end of civilisation or not, this fox will always pay his debts and keep his promises.

"I'm still hungry, though." He smiled.

Taking his bag, I handed it to him. "Eat, then. You didn't have to wait for me to wake up."

"Doesn't taste the same when I eat without you."

When we were on the farm, my family always worried that he'd end up losing it and eat me. They feared he was only seeing me as a potential meal, even after the mix' epidemic that filled his cellar with bunny meat. I didn't need him to say that kind of thing to make me trust him, but it always made me feel like we were living more than we were surviving. Even when we were scraping, or went a couple of days without food.

"You charmer."

* * *

We arrived near that estate purely by chance. We weren't aiming for it, nor were we following a trail. What were following was Nick's nose. He had just shot a rather large partridge, but the bird had escaped and kept flying, probably trying to get back to its nest.

In any case, that's with short ragged breath, and faces scrapped by bushes that we almost fell from the cliff surrounding it by one side. The place had been built in a small basin, hidden from the world by pine trees. From what I could see, the road had been covered by herbs and vegetation, but slithered along a small stream.

I shuddered as I looked at the house. On one paw, it had the looks of the perfect vacation retreat, and on the other, it reminded me of the usual horror stories death traps. A large three story manor with a tower and everything.

"I see it !"

I whipped my head to look at where my fox was pointing. Up the very tower I was describing, on one of its corner, there it was. A nest, and the bleeding partridge on top of it.

"You don't have to come, fluff. It's my food. You could forage in the mean time, I know our berry stock is drying up."

"Dried up berries are pretty good."

It was Nick's turn to roll his eyes. "You know what I meant."

"Yup. And I'm coming with you, and helping you catch it. Each pour bird you catch is one step further from your plate for me."

"I'll eat you eventually."

"This very night, if you're lucky."

With a hip check, I got ahead, and went low, dodging his paw when he tried fiddling my tail. Despite all the things I miss from the old world, one thing I was glad to leave behind was the way others looked at us when we flirted. When mammals are worried about if they're going to have a next meal, they don't really have time to give you a hard time about who you love.

"How do you wanna play it ?" He whispered. "We hide the bags and climb the façade, or we go from inside ?"

"From inside. Maybe there'll be provision or something to scrounge."

Even though the place gave me the creeps, the main reason why I wanted to explore was to maybe find a real bed to crash into that night. It wouldn't have been the first time we did that, but this time, it wouldn't be on the outskirt of a city, which would have a substantially lower chance to get surprised and killed.

As always, I let him get ahead. While in the ZPD, I made it a point to be as best a tracker as he was, but in the wild, he was always paces ahead of me. Better nose, better eyes, better vision distance. Better shot with a bow too. Of course, I had skills of my own, and this isn't the point of this story anyway.

I saw him inspect the road before rounding the cliff and letting himself slide down. I could hear him regularly smell the air, a twitch shaking his whiskers.

"Something stinks." He huffed as we arrived near the old wooden steps. From closer, we could see the place had been built for small to medium mammals. While Nick wouldn't need to jump to reach the knob, I'd have to put myself on my toes' tips. Not that either of us would need it as it was already opened.

"Yeah, this place is darn creepy."

"I was being litteral."

My fox pushed the half opened door with his elbow, making it creak on its rusty hinges. My spear pulled, I slowly entered the room, him behind me with his bow ready. I tried to smell the air and immediately pinched my nose, not because of a smell but because of the dust that nearly made me sneeze.

Moving slowly, my tod brought us to the first level. Of the three opened doors there, he opened the first on on the right, that led to a what used to be a homely room. The wallpaper were covered in mold and water stains, and the bed sheet were absent, but at least there still was a mattress on the large oak bed. Still more comfortable than a sleeping bag over pine needles.

Still silently, he rounded the bed and laid his bag down, out of view from the door. I imitated him. If we were going to explore, it would make it safer to do so without them. Nick had to be already confident in that place not to choose to hide the bags outside instead.

"We go up, and we sweep down for safety." I instructed.

With a nod, he followed me. I could feel his breath on my back. I know he hated to see me go into danger first, but I was still better at close range combat anyway. The stairs up led up to an attic, that had been turned into a room. I saw his face unscrunch when we arrived there, clear sign that the smell was considerably lower. There was an old sofa and a broken TV, as well as a library filled with car magazines. Some furniture had been piled up there too.

"Clear."

We walked back down and sweeped the other rooms. The bigger one had a postbed, and the sheets and mattress were covered in a brown stain. The smell was pungent, but discreet, at least to me. Someone clearly had died in that bed, and probably left to rot until somemammal had gotten rid of the corpse.

"Think mammals lived here after the Fall ?" I asked.

"Yeah… Wonder why they left, though."

"Maybe they scavenged everything they could and had to move..." I offered. That would have made them a lot like us. Find a nice place, settle for a couple of weeks, make some provisions, and move when food began to be scarce.

"I saw a few berry bushes on our way… That had to be a while ago."

With a nod, I led us downstair. As we suspected, the kitchen had been turned upside down. The broken dishes had been piled up into a corner, and a wide collection of empty cans littered the floor. Cocroaches skittered away at our arrival. We didn't even need to dig to know there was nothing for us to salvage.

"Do you smell that ?" Nick asked.

Taking a good whiff, I finally noticed an underlying smell. Rot, and excrement. Impossible to tell where it came from.

"I have the feeling mammals died here."

"Yeah, probably. So... Two days ?"

"Three. I really want to enjoy the mattress." I grinned. We took comfort where we could.

"Seconded. Now I have a partridge to grab and cook. Maybe there will even be eggs… Eggs..." I could see his whisker twitch at the prospect. Honestly, I'd have had the same reaction if someone had said carrots.

Since the place was clear, we didn't bother being silent as we climbed back up. We had to use a chair, and Nick boosted me up so that we could reach the trap door. There was a ladder to pull down, and fell with loud noise. Nick didn't say anything, but I know he was worried the bird had been scared off. Climbing the ladder, we found ourself in a very small room with four windows, one on each wall. It looked like a retreat of some sort. All there was was an armchair and small table with a bottle of whisky, and an old dirty glass. Nick whistled between his teeth as he picked up the bottle. "Jackpot."

The place seemed to have remained untouched. How, I couldn't tell. If mammals lived here, I doubt they wouldn't have gone there at least once. But it wasn't really important, we were there for the partridge.

My fox slowly opened one of the windows, knife in paw, and I saw a smile widen on he's face. "It's already dead. And there are about five eggs !" He immediately cracked one and gobbled its content, chuckling at my disgusted expression. "What ? Fresh eggs are delicious !"

"You're so not kissing me with this mouth until you've rinsed it."

With a thin smile, Nick grabbed the bird. I reached for it, and as each time, and even though I had been handling that kind of stuff with him for four years, he hesitated before dropping it into my paws. Then he plucked the eggs, careful not to destroy the nest. I know his logic behind it is that another bird could take its place, and it would mean more potential food in the future. I have no idea if it's true, and I don't know if he did, but it's a ritual. That's what I discovered on the road. Structures and rules are important. Keep us sane.

* * *

We elected to take care of the bird and eggs during the night. Though firelight could be visible from quite far, this place was secluded enough that we could take the risk. Plus, the house would hide the light from one side, and the cliff would do the same from the other. The last thing we wanted was to be located because of the smoke during daytime.

In the meantime, we started cleaning the room we were going to stay in. We moved the furniture so that we could easily barricade the door before going to sleep, and put noise traps in place. Easy, given the number of empty can lying around. We even used linen as string.

Then, I heard a noise. Not loud, not even threatening. It sounded like scratching. "Nick ? Is that you ?"

"Nope."

He instantly was beside me with his bow in his paw.

"Noise ?"

"Yeah."

"Where ?"

"No idea."

I saw him focus. "I can hear it. It's really low."

"Yeah… It's sounds like… Mastication ?"

"You sure ?"

"It's what it sounds like." I shrugged, walking around the room and taking a couple of steps up. "It doesn't come from upstairs."

"What about downstairs ?"

"We didn't see a trap door."

Nick nodded. "True, but maybe it's only accessible from outside."

I felt a bit stupid for not having thought of it, especially since our own cellar used to be the same way. "Only one way to find out."

We rounded the house on our tiptoes, and indeed found a cellar door. I wasn't really surprised when the acrid smell got stronger. If there was something under the house, then it would explain the smell at ground level. "Ready ?" I asked.

Taking one of the door handles, my fox took out his revolver. I would have been strong enough to pull the doors open, but I would have needed both my paws to do.

"On three. One. Two. Three."

The door rotated on its hinges. I wish I could say the worst thing was the screeching sound piercing my eardrums, but the smell was way worse.

"Holy fuck !" Nick gagged, taking a couple of steps back. "Be right back. Oh fuck !"

He ran around the corner and I heard him retch. Then, as I expected him to come back, he jogged inside the house. A couple dozen seconds later, he came back with the whiskey bottle and two cloths. He dosed them both in the beverage and tied one around his snout, handing me the second. Breathing through alcohol vapor would make us drunk a little, but it was still better than not to be able to operate because of the puking.

"The sound is getting louder." He stated.

"I can go in there alone." I offered, taking out my dynamo torch.

"You can. You won't."

Another thing I learned while surviving in the wild : Arguing about each other's safety is the one fight I would never win. It took me a while to understand that I was his anchor. If I died, he'd either lose his moral compass or take his own life. Truth is, it wasn't so different for me either.

"Taking point."

Each step on the rotten made the smell more atrocious, and the noise louder. The flare lighted what I believe was a goat carcass. It was half eaten, but I doubted anymammal would dare to try out what remained of it. The weird noise stopped as my foot touched the ground, and it turned into a weak growl.

I looked around to see an old leaking pipe, with a small puddle of water underneath. Small paw prints were around it, and I could tell some of them were pretty fresh. I could also see corpses of half eaten cockroaches, which turned my stomach. There were small piles of excrements too, and puddles of what I guessed was urine.

The light brushed the ground, and finally fell on what looked like a sort of nest, made of cloth and bone. In the middle of it, something was trembling. A pair of eyes shined, and the growl turned louder. Underneath, a low whine appeared. The eyes closed for a couple of seconds, and then reopened. The growl grew louder and so did the whine. Then I understood that my light was harming the eyes of whatever that creature was.

"Can you identify it ?" I whispered, lowering the light setting.

"Couldn't tell… It looks… Vulpine." He huffed in a strange voice. Looking at his face, it seemed like he had just seen a ghost. I couldn't blame him. With his white patchy fur, the kid looked pretty frightening.

"Hey kiddo." I whispered, approaching, and getting the snarl I was expecting. To my left, I heard the distinct sound of a gun hammer getting cocked back.

"Nick, what are you doing ?"

"Taking precautions."

I rolled my eyes, and came closer, slowly reaching. The snarl intensified.

"Judy, be careful."

"I am."

I was almost at him when he lunged at me with surprising speed. I felt his small and sharp teeth pierce the skin of my arm, and Nick's gun entered my field of vision.

"Nick, no !"

"I'm ending its suffering."

"No-"

"Judy, he's gone feral. Turn your back on him, he'll go for your throat. He's not more than an animal."

"He just never met another living mammal." I argued.

My tod rolled his eyes. "And what ? You think you can unferal him ? We can give him a few scraps and let him out, and then what ? He was lucky there was food and water at paw here, but outside, he won't last a month. It's either spending a life of suffering down here, or dying of starvation out there."

"Not if we take him with us."

Nick started chuckling, then it turned into a weird hysterical laughter. "No. We struggle enough together. I'm not taking a useless and dangerous mouth to feed."

"Nick, he's just a child !"

His face suddenly closed. "Children die all the time." He uttered. "We've seen it. I… He's going to die, Judy. Look at him, he's sick, he can't stand light. Do you really want to inflict that to yourself ? Look at another poor kid die because of this shit world ? Get outside. I'll do it quick. I promise he won't suffer. I'll bury him and everything, I won't even eat him."

I'm ashamed to admit that I considered it. I seriously considered it. But looking at the kid… I couldn't. I wanted to save him. That little voice, that thing that had always been there, pushing me to make the world a better place, it had never died. And were it Nick, or anyone else… Were it this kid… I wanted- I needed to have something to save. "No."

"Judy."

"We're taking him in."

"Or what ?"

"Or nothing. We're taking him in."

Using Nick's affection for me against him always felt shameful and unfair. The worst part was that he knew I was doing it, and still let me. I tried to rationalise it, I know that I was partially right. Killing a child, it wouldn't have left him whole. It would have killed part of himself, and I couldn't allow that.

"Judy, it's not safe."

"Living is not safe. You don't have to take car of him if you don't want to. I can handle a kit."

All the while, the child kept snarling, and biting me. He wilted when I approached my other paw, and emitted a strange noise when I started stroking his head.

"Shhh… I won't hurt you, little guy." I soothed. "You're safe. We have food. You're with us now."

* * *

Nick didn't say a word for the rest of the day. I was thankful he didn't make a disdainful joke about my motherly nurturing bunny instinct, though I knew they were partially to blame.

He still helped me clean up my wound, and used his saliva to disinfect it (blessed be canids for that trait !), but otherwise, he let me take care of the young vulpine. I gave him a few berries on which he gorged, and tried to get into the bag when I refused to give him more. I even managed to get some dried meat from Nick, who only gave it reluctantly.

I then tried to wash him in the stream near the house, and that was a whole other problem. Part of it was that the sunlight still hurt his eyes, but the other was that he simply seemed to hate the contact of water.

I think the worst problem was the missing patches of fur. I didn't really know what caused it, though I did suspect mange. I couldn't really ask Nick, since he wasn't talking to me, and I still had to be careful the two of them wouldn't touch each other if it was that. Well, I knew Nick wouldn't engage with him, so I was safe on that end, but I still needed to keep the kid away too. What I discovered, though, was that he was indeed a he.

The first night turned up awful. I had to lock the kid in a room, and leave him there, as he was turning increasingly aggressive. I guarded the door too, not because I feared Nick would get rid of him behind my back, but because I feared he'd managed to get out if I didn't. I didn't dare ask Nick either, so I simply sat in front of the door with my spear.

* * *

I woke up that morning on the mattress. When I got out, I found the door open and immediately ran downstairs where I heard noise. The kid was pulling on a rope tying his neck to the foot of the sofa, while Nick was trudging through the kitchen.

"Nick, what are you doing ?"

As answer, he came back to me with an almost empty bottle of olive oil and put it in my arms. "Soothes the scratching urge."

"Nick- Nick where are you going."

"To the garden. There are a bunch of bees there, so I'm pretty sure I can put my paws on a beehive."

"What for ?"

"To get honey. It's an antiseptic. If it's mange, we'rer already screwed, so might as well find better than olive oil to soothe the itching."

"Nick I'm sor-"

He lifted his paw to shush me up. "If it's that, and not mold or an allergic reaction, we caught it the moment we set foot in the house. If you really want to keep that kid, spread that on the inflamed skin, and stop him from scratching himself. If you can manage that, and keep him on another diet than worms and cockroaches, he should be fine. Still feral, but fine."

When Nick came back, he had several bee stings on himself, but also quite a large honey comb. He was all sticky from handling it and just dropped it on plate near me without saying a word. Then he went to the stream and cleaned himself up. Later he came back to the house and approached me and the kit. "Hold his head. I gotta inspect his ears."

"Why ?"

"Sarcoptic Mange. Good news is that if it's that, I still have four bullets in my revolver."

I still hate when he goes back to that dissociative sarcastic state, but I know now that it's a coping mechanism. At the time, I just thought he was being cruel.

"Don't say things like that !"

"Just letting you know where things stand."

"We're not going to die, Nick."

He shot me an annoyed look, and immobilised the kit on his belly. His fingers slowly rubbed the entirety of his ears. "He's lucky. Sarcoptic is a fucking nightmare for fennecs foxes."

"He's a fennec ?" I asked. Nick shot me a look of disbelief.

"Have you seen the size of his ears ? Of course he is ?"

"I don't know, his fur is very white."

"It only gets sandy as they grow up."

Nick sighed and let himself fall on his rear. "I think we're safe. I can't be one hundred percent positive it's that, but demodectic is frequent in kits. Should resolve itself if you keep him clean and fed."

"Oh, thanks spirit." I said, and went to give him a kiss, which he evaded by standing up. "I'm still mad at you."

"You're mad that I didn't let you shoot a kit in the head ?"

"I'm mad that you took a decision for us both while ignoring my choice." He answered very matter of factly. "Especially when my choice was the most rational one."

* * *

We didn't speak much in the week that followed. Nick's diagnostic appeared to be true, but he still insisted for the kit to sleep in another room than ours, and to be locked away. I brought up a couple of times that we wouldn't be able to do that when back on the road. All I got were shrugs.

I tried getting the kit to talk, but it seemed he never had anyone to talk to him before. I think he tried to imitate my voice a couple of times, but I attributed it to wishful thinking more than anything else.

Then, it was time for us to leave. We had lingered in the same place for long enough, and though our provisions weren't dwindling, it was part of our survival tactics to move to greener pastures before they started doing so.

"Are you really going to carry him ?" Nick asked, as I took him in my arms after having strapped on my backpack.

"He can't walk yet. I don't have much of a choice, do I ?" I retorted with some anger. Aside from the health aspect, Nick had been of absolutely no help with taking care of the small fox. Getting him into clothes was useless. He had of course no concept of sanitation and I had to clean the same pair of pants twice before I gave up on having him wear more than a t-shirt. He'd shiver at night and simply roll himself into a ball in the nearest pile of cloth in the room we gave him. Trying to cover him would mostly result in him snarling at me, so I gave up on that too.

"You have a choice." Nick told me evenly, and it was one of the few times in my life I seriously considered punching him. When I didn't answer, he rolled his eyes, and grabbed the kits paw.

"What are you doing ?"

"Giving him a crash course. Take his other paw."

I was afraid Nick would walk fast on purpose. With the Fall, the cruel and spiteful tendencies he had buried had surfaced again a few times. He didn't though, adapting himself to our pace. I could see how tense he was, throwing glances at the small predator, as if he was going to leap at me at any moment.

* * *

The hardest part about having a third mouth to feed wasn't to actually find enough food, but rather, that we had a third back to watch that couldn't watch ours. Nick pretended not to care of course, but I couldn't really hide his thin smile when the kit started walking on his own. Still, I had to carry him on the longer treks, and it considerably slowed us down when we let him walk on his own.

I think the thing that cemented my trust in him actually caring happened about a month later. We had found an abandoned shack in the deep of the wood, and blocked the doors and set up noise traps again to be able to sleep in peace.

I woke up in the middle of the night to a strange noise, and saw Nick crouching above the little kit, with his paw at face level. At first, my sleep addled mind thought he was trying to strangle him, but then I heard him talk.

"Shhh… It's okay. It's okay… It was just a nightmare."

Then I recognised the weird noise. It was bit gurgly and whiny. The kit was crying.

"You're okay, little guy. You're… Oh, come on, don't do the eyes… Okay, C'm'ere."

It was really weird seeing him pick up someone that gently. The last time I saw him do so was with Finnick's corpse.

"I'm here, kitten, okay ? I'm here. You can go to sleep. You aren't alone."

There's little part of me that felt jealous when he lied down and his tail went around the kit. I was so afraid Nick would keep being standoffish toward him, that I hadn't anticipated what I would feel when he'd stop.

I couldn't help but grin like an idiot and sleep eluded me for the rest of the night, but it didn't really matter. That shack would house us for a couple more days before we'd need to move again, which meant I'd be able to catch up on one night of missed sleep.

* * *

"Hey Nick, have you seen him ?"

My tod raised his head from his work. Falling from a tree he was climbing to get to a nest a couple days ago, he had crushed half of his arrows, and was on the process of making new ones. "Uh… No. He wasn't with you ?"

"He was, but I turned my head for a minute, and he just wasn't there anymore. There was this big bush of blueberries, and I was filling my bag..."

"No… Oh, no, no, no."

"Nick-"

He grabbed my shoulders suddenly. "Do you remember where you were ? Maybe I can pick up a scent."

Grabbing both our bags, we sprinted between the trees toward the place I had lost track of him.

"Kid ? Kid where are you ?" I heard him call. I imitated him as he crouched down to smell the dirt. The panic I saw in his eyes was akin to one he showed me before, when a perp had shot me in the shoulder years ago.

"Kid ? Kiddo ?" I called, realising we didn't even think to give him a name. Guilt pierced my chest. That kit was my responsibility, and not only did I lose him, but I had never thought of naming him !

"Don't worry." Nick huffed. "I'm gonna find you." I saw in his eyes, the moment he unfocused. It happened sometimes on cases, but it really wasn't a good time for it. "Kid ? Kid where are you."

"Nick, focus, he can't be-"

"Finnick ! Finn, come on, don't do that !" He suddenly shouted. "Finn, come back !"

I could speak for a couple of seconds. My fox was losing it. He had finally snapped.

"Finn, please, don't that to me ! I can't lose you again !"

Out of despair, I slapped him. It's the first and last time Nick actually snarled at me. Then I saw him come to his senses, and fall on all four. "Not twice." He muttered. "I swear, not twice."

We'd have to talk about it later, but I was okay with him going a bit crazy if it meant finding the kid. Nick started walking in a sort of 8 shape, before bolting through a bush. I followed him and we ended up in a clearing, where we found him caught in a snare, half suffocated.

Nick cut it so fast, I feared he'd slit the kid's throat. He didn't wait to check for vitals, shoving him against his ear to check for heartbeat, and holding his paw to his mouth.

"Let's go." I ordered, squeezing my spear. There weren't a whole lot of reasons for snares to be placed at ground level. Usually, it meant cannibals.

We started running the way we came from, avoiding trees, sliding under branches. "That way !"

I could hear a stream, and I followed its noise. Soon, we were knee deep in water. We started walking upstream, to blur or scent. It would slow us down, but a mammal's first reflex while fleeing would be to actually go the other way. And that would also mean that we'd be able to fill our bottles.

We marched for about an hour, until I decided that we would be safe.

My fox took a couple of steps and collapsed to his side, letting his bag slide from his shoulder. "Finn." He whispered to the kit. "Finn, you're okay."

And he was. He was coughing a bit, half because of the snare, but also because Nick pretty much smothered him against his chest as he ran.

I put down my own backpack, and felt my legs give up under me. The exhaustion of our run, added to the emotional charge of thinking we had lost him had drained all my strength. I crawled on all four toward them and got into the hug. We needed to have a talk, but it could wait for at least a couple of hours.

* * *

"So." I finally said. The kit was playing, trying to catch ladybugs and butterflies circling around in the clearing we had found. Nick's gaze was so intensely focused on him, I thought he hadn't heard me.

"Yeah ?"

"We need to give him a name."

He shot me a quick glance, and I could see his discomfort on his face. "He already has one."

"Nick..."

"What ? It's a good name. It's my best friend's."

He sighed and sat closer. "Nick, it's not healthy."

"It's just a name."

"It isn't him. He's not Finnick."

"I know." Nick answered between his clenched jaws. "I know it's not him."

Then I understood. Nick's reluctance to take in the kit. The distance he had tried to maintain. He knew even before I did what was going to happen. He wasn't afraid for me or himself. He was afraid he would start to care.

"He doesn't need a best friend, Nick. He needs-" I almost said parents, but it felt too soon to bring that up. "He can't become him. He'll be his own person, you know ?"

I'm glad he didn't tell me how slim his chances were to actually have a chance to grow up. We both knew the reasons why we survived was a combination of our ZPD training, luck, and how little food we needed in order to survive thanks to being small mammals. We could teach him what he needed to survive, but he would remain defenseless before long.

"I know. I wish I could just pretend. I miss him, you know ? If I had been there, if I had been a better friend… Maybe he'd be still alive."

"It's not your fault. It was his decision. I was his friend too and I did not see it coming."

He hugged me and I hugged back. I felt the kit nudge us, and it made my heart swell that he'd actually want to participate in this. He trusted us, and I think he also started understanding us.

"Maybe we should ask him." Nick proposed. "What do you say, little guy ?" He asked, picking him up. "What name do you want ? I think you'll be a good Finnick. Mh ?"

All we got as and answer was a content high pitched noise, as he settled in Nick's lap. At this point I yielded. We spent more time coping than healing. If we ever settled down, we'd have time for the latter. We'd have to settle for the former until then.

* * *

"Judy." My fox muttered, thinking I couldn't hear. "Say it. Judy. Ju-dy."

"Jooo.." The little voice repeated.

"Judy. Come on, clever dude. You can do it. Judy."

I turned in my sleeping bag, to see Nick holding the kit in his arms. He had made fantastical progress in the last few months. He went from barely being able to walk, to being able to follow us. We barely needed to carry him anymore. He was still a bit weak, of course, but his fur wasn't patchy anymore either.

"Joo..."

"-dy. Judy."

"Deee..."

"Yes, you almost got it. One last try okay ? Judy. Ju-dy."

"Jooo-deee..."

"You did it, little dude !" He cooed. "You did it !"

I had to put bite lips not to giggle. I still remembered the long talk we used to have, back in the city, about us adopting. He'd maintain he wouldn't be a good dad. He'd tell me on how his own had just walked out the door on him and his mother, leaving a pile of debts for them to struggle with.

I'd tell him how he was different, how he was good and caring. He'd tell me how his mother used to think the same about his father.

It didn't upset me, I understood his fears. I wasn't sure I'd be a good mom either, but I knew I wanted to adopt…

And there he was, taking care of Finnick like he was his son…

"Are you going to teach him to say 'Nick' next ?" I grinned. My fox froze and slowly turned.

"You haven't heard anything." He said with an overly serious expression.

"You're still my hardcore survivor of a fox."

Nick chuckled. "I wanted it to be a surprise." He set the little fennec down and pointed at me. "Judy. It's Judy."

"Jooo-deee…" He smiled, walking up to me, and letting himself be picked up. "Jooo-deee !"

"Yes, that's me. And this is Nick." I said pointing toward him.

"Deee..."

"Nick. I'm Judy, you're Finnick, he's Nick."

"Deee..." He mumbled, looking a bit confused.

"Nick. Niiick."

"Dick !"

At this point, Nick rolled on the blanket of pine needles, howling with laughter, while I resigned myself to be the sole responsible and mature adult of the group.

* * *

There are three things that I know about happiness. About true happiness. The first two, I discovered before the Fall. Happiness is fleeting, and it makes life worth living. The last one, is that it's dangerous.

It made us clumsy, distracted. That's how I fell asleep during my watch. That's how I woke up with a blade to my throat, a paw holding my ears, and a knee in my back. It was still night, but the moon was up, which meant I couldn't see much, but still enough to take in the whole scene.

As I came to, I saw Nick lying on his belly, his gun pointed at the mammal above me. Judging by their weight, they were pretty small. A weasel was holding down Finnick, in the same position as me. The last one was a raccoon, a couple paces away, a bit removed, holding a bow and aiming at him.

"Drop down the gun." I assumed she was female, but it could just have been a male with a high-pitched voice.

"No."

The blade bit into my neck's skin. I felt a drop of blood drip on my fur. One move from my captor and I was a goner. My paw slowly crept under my makeshift pillow. I always kept a blade underneath. If I could just grab it…

"Drop it or we kill your friends."

I could see panic growing in Nick's eyes. Panic is never good. Panic results in mistakes. 'Focus' I mouthed. 'Focus, Nick'. I knew he read my lips when his expression went blank. He saw my paw under the pillow.

"You won't." I saw the glimmer of his sly grin.

"You think ?" Said the voice above me. "Why don't I show you ?"

The blade dug a bit deeper, and I couldn't help the whimper escaping my lips.

"Jooo-deee !" Squeaked Finnick, and I saw the weasel holding him smack the back of his head.

"Shut up, squirts. Grown ups are talking."

I had never seen him cry before, and I don't think he did because he got struck. A low whine escaped his throat while tear dripped down.

"Do you want to know why ?"

There was a shift in Nick's posture and voice. It was imperceptible for those who didn't know him.

"Because you're clever mammals."

"Aha. And how would that be clever ?"

Nick's face showed a full blown smirk now. "Simple. There are three ways this situation ends, and only one is good for you. First ibz, you manage to kill one or two them, and each of you get a bullet in their brain. Two, you get bullets in your brains before killing anyone. Three, you decide to leave without harming anyone, and you don't get bullets in your brains."

"And what if I kill you first ?" Asked the raccoon with the bow.

Nick's gun instantly whipped toward the mustelid. "If you think you can oneshoot me with a bow, you're welcome to try. Go ahead, your arrow against my bullets. I promise you one thing, though, of the three of you, you'll be the first one to die."

Tension was so thick I could have cut it with the knife I was now holding.

"We'll kill the kid first." Stated the one holding Finnick. "That's what you want, huh ? For your kid to die ?"

"I'm a red fox, he's a fennec. Go ahead, that's not my kid."

My heart leaped to my throat. I could never tell when Nick bluffed. I really hoped he was, this time. I also hoped Finnick hadn't understood what my fox had just said.

"You're crazy. You can't win this." Stated the bowraccoon.

"Win ? If I live, I win." Nick snarled. "That's how it works. I shoot you first, and while your friends are busy trying to slit their throats, they each get shot. I don't see how I'm losing this fight. The kid and the bunny might die, they might not. You three, though, I can guarantee that you won't make it."

"What if you miss ?" Asked the mammal on top of me, with a voice he tried to keep from wavering.

"Before the Fall, I was the best shot in the ZPD four years in a row. I. Don't. Miss."

That, I knew, wasn't a bluff.

"Guys, I don't think he's bluffing." Said the weasel holding Finnick.

"We got them pinned down." Protested the one above me.

"You're not the one with a gun pointed at you !" Stated the raccoon with the bow.

"True, he's the one with a knife to his crotch." I said, pressing it against his pants. I felt the blade against my throat move a bit move a bite deeper, but it was due to him jumping, and not him actually trying to kill me.

Silence fell, each one of us looking at each other.

"How do I know you won't shoot either way." Asked the one with the bow.

"You don't. Keep in mind you're the ones that attacked us. We have nothing against you, we just want to be left in peace. Leave, and I promise I won't harm you."

They stared each other down, and for a few seconds, I feared his arrow would fly. But then, he slowly sided stepped toward his comrades. "Let them go."

"Girl, come on-"

"I'm not dying over some loot. Let's go."

I slightly moved my blade for my attacker to be able to withdraw without hurting himself, and they left, the raccoon still threatening us as she walked backwards. Then she lept into a bush, and we heard her steps as she scampered away.

Nick immediately ran for his own bow and quiver, and I tackled him to the ground before he could run after them.

"Let me go !" He shouted, trying loosen my grip as I put his arm in a lock to keep him down.

"You promised !"

"I don't care !"

"Nick, sto-"

"They were going to kill our son !" His voice cracked, and I let go of his arm. "They were going to kill him !"

"But they didn't."

"They'll come back. They'll try again. We can't-"

"Then we take our stuff and we leave. Is that what you want to teach him ? Breaking your word ? Seeking revenge at all cost ?"

His gaze went from my face to Finn's, who had approached and grabbed on to his leg, and he shook his head. "I'm sorry… I just can't stand the idea of losing any of you."

"Me neither. Come on, Nick. Let's go. Let's pack up and move."

* * *

"Soooo… Your son, huh ?" I asked. We had spent the day walking and mostly not talking. Nick's paw had remained on his gun the whole day, and even now, hidden in bushes between rocks on a small hill, he wouldn't relax.

I hoped talking would allow him some reprieve, even though I was as shaken as he was. We all were, really, and Finn wouldn't let go of us, always holding one of our paws as we walked.

"I..." Nick hesitated, looking away. "I didn't… He's that for me."

"You think he's our son ?"

"I feel he's our son." He answered. "I know it's not even been a year, but it's… He's it. Isn't he for you ?"

"He is. Of course he is." I smiled, ruffling the fur between Finn's ears. "He's family."

My tod's gaze fluttered away, toward the opening between the rocks. His ears were still twitching, swiveling to detect any noise that I would have picked up way before he would have. We were safe.

I grabbed his paw, hoping it would make him look at me. "I'm scared too, you know ?"

"I'm fucking terrified." He chuckled. "Judy, it's insane. I'm already scared of losing you… All the time. Every day. And now him too ! I'm not strong enough for that- for you two." He pulled us into a protective hug, and I could feel him shaking as he did. "I almost lost you so many time, I almost lost him today !"

"I'm not strong enough either." I whispered into his neck. "But I'm not going to give up. I'll just keep doing my best. I'll keep loving you both, and protecting you as best I can. You give me so much to live for." I said, pulling back to look at both my foxes.

"So do you..." He smiled through the tears I hadn't heard him shed. "There are… So many things we have to teach him. He'll learn to be brave like you. Hear that son ? You'll be as strong and brave as Judy."

"And as clever and sly as Daddy."

"Da !"

I giggled and picked him up, turning him toward his father. "Daddy."

"I'm already crying, fluff, you don't have to scoop more on top of it." Nick chuckled, wiping his eyes.

* * *

My son grabs one of the arrows and a bone tip, beginning to attach one to the other. He has intently listened to my story, and I can see on his face that he is in the process of digesting it.

"So… You weren't always my mom and dad." He finally says. "I had others before."

"Probably. I don't know what happened to them." I answered. "I think… They probably loved you as much as we did. Maybe they were fleeing something, maybe they hid you in that cellar for safety… I don't know."

"It's okay." The little fennec fox shrugs. "So, the big stone with the 'F' near the Oak Tree, it's where Daddy's best friend was buried."

I open my mouth and hesitate. On this one, I'm not going to tell the whole truth. Not yet at least. Maybe in a few years. "Yeah. Right under the stone."

"Do I look like him ?"

"You have rounder ears, and your voice is really different. He was a fennec fox too. But no, you don't look like him very much. You're you, he was him. He was family to Nick too."

I don't know if it's too heavy to lay on him. Finn's strong, I know it. All mammals born after the Fall have that solidity to them.

"And dad… He really-" He gulped, glancing toward Nick, who is picking up rocks near the old oaken tree for the bunnies kits he's teaching. "He really wanted to kill me ?"

I slowly exhale. By not hiding anything to him, I knew it would raise some loaded questions. "I don't think your dad ever really wants to kill anyone. Sometimes, he thinks it's necessary. He was scared. Mammals make loads of mistake when they're scared."

"Can dad really get scared, though ? He always protects us- I mean, you protect us too, but I know when you're scared."

I can't help but chuckle. Of course Nick hides his fear. He can't do so with me, but he does with everyone else. Even his son. I smile as I see him approaching us, leaving the bunnies to train by themselves. "He's not scared for himself. He's scared for his family. He was worried you would hurt me-"

"I wouldn't !"

"I know, but he didn't. And he was worried that he wouldn't be able to protect and take care of us both."

"But you take care of us as much as he does. Why would he be scared of that ?"

"Because your dad thinks he must do everything by himself."

"Well that's dumb." Finnick mutters.

I chuckle. The kid got it in one. "It is."

"What's what ?" Nick asks, stopping beside us.

"You, dumb." I grin.

"Oh. Yeah." He chuckles back. "That's a given."

Finnick suddenly hopps up into his father's arm, almost making him topple down. "Hey champ. What's that about ?"

"I'm just glad that you found me."

Nick gives me and interrogative look, and I simply nod back with a smile. I see the understanding in his eyes.

"So am I, buddy. So am I."

**_The End_ **


End file.
